To hand in my resignation after parental leave was refused

[Namechangedtoprotect]

I have a disabled school age child and an able body one. The child with disabilities cannot go into standard holiday camps. Dh has to give up work for the summer holidays and misses doing the work that he loves that is seasonal. I put in a request for unpaid parental leave to look after dc. Just had it refused as its a peak time. Every month is a peak time. Would I be unreasonable to hand on my notice so I could be a mother for the summer holiday and then look for contractor work in September? We have savings.

Your employer has the right to say they can't facilitate your application.

If you want to resign it's up to you.

If you have requested PL formally ( in writing) they can delay it for up to 6 months, but not refuse it as described here.
The summer is a busy time in my small business so I would not be able to accommodate 6 weeks PL at that point, however, I would offer the staff member another date and attempt to work with them to fit it in. I might offer Christmas a relatively quiet time for us and another time it is tricky to get childcare.

Sounds like working is not compatible with your current family set up as this would be a problem every summer while PL is just meant for one off situations. You’d be a fool to resign. You need to figure out more longer term care options for your child.

YABU for suggesting working people aren’t mothers.

This such a good example of the current average Arse of Mumsnet.

Deliberately finds something to complain about, misses the point entirely just to get in a pedantic, pompus reply in.

What's the point? That isn't what the OP was saying at all and you know it.

I always wonder why so many love doing this. Does it make them all puffy chested and feeling holier than thou? Does it make them feel better to stamp down on someone else? Or is it just a section of people having a bad day and they take it out on various posts?

I don't know. But it is sad. And not in the ☹️ way.

OP do it. Leave. A lecturer of mine in Brighton uni wasn't allowed paternity leave, so his threw his fingers in the air left when the baby was born and started lecturing at sussex uni shortly afterwards.

I was gutted because he was the go-to lecturer for quantitative stats but I'm glad he didn't suffer the bastards.

no, yanbu. I will have to do the same. one child severely disabled and older and no holiday club will take her anymore. It's no wonder so many families with disabled children live in poverty as usually one parent has to give up work.

make sure you claim carers allowance. usually, tax credits go also up in that case.

also, parental leave cannot be outright refused. they must give you alternative dates when you can take it as a statutory right (though they can refuse the dates you have requested)

I was in similar situation last summer - disabled child unable to attend holiday clubs. Went to my boss and put the cards on the table with3 options -

Work from home (some during the day and some at night)
Take parental leave for the entire summer
Quit.

I have a great flexible employer and they went with wfh.

I know of others in other places with the same conversation who've quit.

If you are on fb, worth following waving not sinking

It is not the responsibility of your employer to facilitate child care arrangements.

of course it is not but if you have a disabled child, childcare is often impossible. I think it would be great if employers would try to be more understanding. it's a real shame how parents of disabled children are systematically pushed out of work. many of us have to much to give....

I think it would be great if employers would try to be more understanding.

It’s not about understanding though. I’m sure employers understand the problem perfectly well, they are just limited in what they can practically do about it.

OP, I would definitely do it if you can afford it.

Could they cover your role with a temp considering they wouldn't be paying you?

DH is still a SAH parent because getting childcare for our disabled son is impossible - it's not just the six weeks of summer, it's October & Christmas & February & Easter & May, plus sickness, plus disability-related hospital appointments.

Can we afford it? Yes, because we live in a sub-£100k house in an asbo-riddled suburb, rather than in a £350k house somewhere nice. We go on holiday to Haven with a charity grant, rather than having two weeks AI abroad. And we are fortunate that our son is sufficiently disabled for him to qualify for a motability car - bit of a double edged sword that, I'd prefer him to be less disabled.

My point is, it's do-able but you have to manage your lifestyle accordingly.

Actually it is up to employers to be understanding about the circumstances of their employees. The more accommodating and flexible they can be, the more their workforce will go the extra mile.

You need to do what's best for your child and your sanity. School holiday childcare is really, really hard for children with extra needs.

As a result I try and give my employer a plan for the whole year ahead, of how I'd like to spread annual leave and parental leave. Of course it's then for them to respond about any concerns/conflicts but we can generally work something out. The rules for parental leave for disabled children mean you can take it in single days not just whole weeks - I find this helps me and my employer because I can take 2 days per week as PL and be in work for the rest, so I don't just disappear for the whole summer. I cobble together cover thanks to family on the other days. It also means I'm a bit less broke by September!

I'm sure you've wrestled with all sorts of different plans trying to make them fit. I'm sorry it's reached the point where leaving feels like your best option, but I hope you have a calm summer and some lucrative consulting in Autumn!

Yes, do it if you can! Why not? You certainly don't owe them any loyalty when they apparently feel none to you.

Where in the country are you? If you are anywhere near me I might be able to help.
I have experience working with disabled children and am free quite a bit this summer.

I work for a very flexible and understanding employer and they'd still not be able to grant me 6 weeks of unpaid leave at short notice.

Is there no compromise to be found OP. You take 3 weeks and your dh takes 3 weeks?

Have you considered hiring a student teacher full time for the holidays.

Have you considered hiring a student teacher full time for the holidays.

if it would be that easy most parents would do this. and student teachers doesn't mean they particularly experienced in SN either. Most fully qualified teachers are totally under qualified to teach children with SN, let alone one in the making.

also hiring one for 6 weeks would cost a bombe. Student teachers aren't Ofsted registered so you cannot even claim help with childcare through the tax credit system. some people have really no idea about the reality of brining up a disabled child.

If you afford to take the risk of not having anything until January, go for it - you can explain your resignation as a decision to move into self employment, rather than being limited by childcare options for holidays or your employer being shit.

years ago (decades folks I was wearing cheese clothe!) my old firm use to employ uni students in the holidays & mum with school age dc in term time for same job - it really worked well for everybody -it might not be suitable for everybody but...

CcarparkCha0s3 its really hard getting childcare for disabled children. A lot of the avenues 'other people' use are closed. Its why parents of disabled children find it hard to work.

teddybear -have you ever tried to find care for a disabled child? No??? pretty obvious that you haven't - from child carers perspective you would need to factor in that the child might need 1 to 1 & charge accordingly which would be well above what most parents could afford - the carer might need special training to understand & be willing/able/& be good at caring for this specific child's needs - & the words hen's teeth springs to mind. the irony is that if someone is disabled or caring for someone who is disabled is looked at as a sponger if they don't work but looked down at if they ask for their issues to be taken into account if they do - catch 22 anyone???

I did this with a disabled child, two years ago. Word of warning it snowballs a bit, I never returned as there was always a next period, then a next, where I couldn’t work.

Is your work flexible enough and easy enough to find to deal with being in and out?

VladmirsPoutine

I also think the employer has a duty not to just the parent who has requested but the impact on other employees. If a parents is granted PL for 6 weeks - this might mean leave is cancelled for other people meaning their planned holidays/childcare/leave is limited or withdrawn for the sake of someone getting the summer off. Should you wish to have 6 weeks PL then plan ahead and apply in good time. Why not request 3 weeks yourself and your husband request 3 weeks? I would assume workplaces would be able to accommodate that easier but also with a suitable length of time prior to the leave. You know it happens every year, why the request was not made last year following the summer is anyone's guess. Mine would be you assumed you would be granted as it is a right and that right trumps anything else and now you are in a difficult situation only a few weeks before you need childcare.