Couples who call or text constantly

[newmomof1]

I have a number of friends/family members who I spend time with on a semi-regular basis (once a month or so).
To clarify, I spend time with them individually, not as a group.

There are a handful whose OH's seem to be in contact constantly, to the point where it interrupts our catch ups, or my friends/family member end up leaving earlier than planned (especially on nights out pre-baby).
Obviously you would expect that if someone wanted to chat to you they'd drop you a text and wait for a reply, however this is more "if you don't respond to my text within 5 minutes I'll call with the exact same thing to say".
It always seems to be the most trivial things too: can you pick me up something to eat on your way home / I'm going to order a new game / are you free a week on Wednesday?

The most recent example: a friend came to visit me and my new baby and her boyfriend phoned 3 times within the space of 2 hours. "Where are you? Well I can't hear the baby!" (She was asleep)
"Can you bring me something to eat back?"
"What time are you coming back?"

If me or my OH is out with friends, we will leave the other one alone until we're ready to talk! On a night out there might be a "hope you're having a good time - I'm going to bed. Call if you can't get a taxi and I'll pick you up" but that's it.

AIBU or are their partners super clingy?

That just sounds controlling tbh, the part where he said ‘I can’t hear a baby!’ speaks volumes, he was checking in on her...

I only call my DP if it’s an absolute emergency, he knows this so is a little bit frightened if I ever call . We do text each other a lot but I wouldn’t pester him if he were out with friends.

My dp and I message all the time, but we have boundaries and understanding. When he's at work, he will drop me a few texts but if I don't hear from me or get a reply I know he's busy. If I'm out with friends or family he knows I won't text much ( usually a reply when I go for a wee) because I think it's rude and I always stop talking when I text and doing that out with people is wrong.

From what the OP said it sounds like people are bored and are in need of something that they feel is more important that what the other person they are texting.
I'm

@itscallednickingbentcoppers Thank god our friends are casual enough not to get uptight because one of us rang to ask if we're free next Wednesday (presumably because they're also talking with a friend and wanting to make plans).

You're just taking a part of the initial post out of context to make your comment valid here.
If they called once with that question (which could just as easily be put in a text but yes I understand sometimes you want an instant answer) I wouldn't have a problem at all.

The mild annoyance comes from them doing the same thing every time we see each other, and multiple phone calls/texts if they're not answered quickly enough...

Me and dp aren't like that.
However we do like to message throughout the day. I norm ask him how his day is going. Or he'll ask how mine and dds is. If we've done anything nice etc.
Sometimes it's random chit chat.
He rarely calls. His signal bad at work so uses WiFi for messenger.

He works a 10 min drive away and sometimes will ask to bring dd to see him if it's quiet.. ( and often to bring something like a drink or a bar of choc if he fancies something sweet)
If either are busy its a bit less. Sometimes he just Sends a random 'xxx' or ' I love you' etc.

It's very controlling. I text my dp quite a lot and it is reciprocated, with very trivial things, but only if we're not busy. A reply is never expected, even if the other is just at home, because we are often doing things and don't always have our phones on us. If one of us is out socially we don't tend to message or call unless it's urgent. My phone doesn't tend to leave my bag when I'm with friends or family.

I think yabu. I never get couples who say they nevertheless text/call each other unless it’s an emergency. I honestly think that’s more weird. So you only ever talk when you’re together?

It seems controlling to me.

It's different if both keep sending messages.

i was on the bus the other day and the woman behind me was talking on her phone and it was a load of rubbish 'im on the bus now darling, what shall we have for tea darling, im just passing M&S darling, we could have takeaway darling'....nearly the entire journey....then it was 'am going now sweetie and will text you when i get off the bus and again when i turn into our road darling' then it was 'bye, bye, byebyebye...no you hang up first, no really you hang up first' struth it did my head in.....i expected to see a teenage/20 year old when she got off......no she was about 50!

'You're just taking a part of the initial post out of context to make your comment valid here.'

I was using an example from your own post to prove my point, yes. That's what people usually do when debating something. You don't know what's going on in people's lives and why they're ringing/texting. More than likely they're just used to being in constant contact and don't think their friends will object to a text or phone call, most people don't - in fact I don't know anyone who would. It's a bit precious to object to people using their phones in your presence, it's part of everyday life now, people are used to getting the answer they want immediately and probably start to worry if their partner is out of touch - this is why all our new technology and methods of instant communication feed anxiety. Your friends should really just tell their partner if they don't want to talk, 'I'm chatting with X right now, I'll chat to you in an hour.'

It's quite egocentric to think that your friends should have your full attention for the entire time you're together. Reminds me of the people who complain because someone brings their baby to a catch up because god forbid they need attention too. Friendships need to fit into the real world.

I know a lot of people who text to say they're leaving work - DH does as it's very variable and then I know whether to lay the table for him or keep supper warm.
When he's travelling we usually communicate once or twice depending.

If he sent me a text to pick up something, or vice versa, there would be no expectation to have seen it as we've both missed things in the past. Once seen, it will be acknowledged at the convenience of the person in receipt not the sender.

If anyone got their knickers in a twist because I didn't reply immediately then they'd give up on me soon enough! I won't respond to that unnecessary pressure.

@itscallednickingbentcoppers I completely appreciate what you're saying there.
I don't expect their full attention and have no problem with anyone replying to a text or taking a call. I'm not a knob so I apologise if I've come across that way at any point.

As per a PP, my concern is more with the constant texts/calls if they're not answered quickly enough, or the "well I can't hear the baby comments".

I completely get that some couples do just communicate constantly.

In the day my OH and I will talk about mundane things, but I wouldn't text him and say "can you get me a sausage roll on your way back?" then call him 5 mins later if I'd had no response. It just seems strange to me.

@sergeilavrov
Not checking up, but usually having a conversation about politics/family/economics or something. Today we texted about the political and historical context of Red Dead Redemption.
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@newmomof1
YANBU

It's quite egocentric to think that your friends should have your full attention for the entire time you're together. Reminds me of the people who complain because someone brings their baby to a catch up because god forbid they need attention too. Friendships need to fit into the real world.

The baby situation is not the same at all.

It's a bit pathetic if adults can't manage to let their partner have a few hours with a friend without texting or phoning about trivia.

I’m with OP I text DP when I’m at work but not continually as we’re at work and not paid to discuss DC’s or what plans for holidays.
If I’m out in the evening with friends I want to catch up with them my husband wouldn’t interrupt continually and vice versa it’s rude and childish.
We speak to each other at home and when we go out together.

That's very irritating, I would've said something

DH text each other all day, every day on and off. If I'm out with friends he'll drop me a text, maybe another if he wants me to pick up something on the way home, and I'll look at my phone when I'm about to leave to go home on my own and then reply to DH.

I think its so rude when your out with people and you only have half their attention because they're too preoccupied with their phone

@Swoopinggulls
Exactly!!

when I’m with my friends my phone is off or I just don’t check it. They deserve my undivided attention. I would find DP very unattractive if he started calling me up every hour asking what I was doing!

DH and I constantly text and chat. In fact, there has never been a day in 30 odd years when we haven't phoned or texted during the day just to see how the other one is. We also text when we leave to go somewhere, text when we are on our way back, and generally exchange stories of our day. We also still phone our parents when we go away to say we have arrived safely and when we get back. We are obviously a bit weird, but it works for us. Oh, our DC's do the same too...... although they complain about it!

So you only ever talk when you’re together?

Well yes. What do you think people did before mobile phones? We weren’t on landlines to each other every five minutes.

@SilentSister
30 years ago mobile phones weren’t prolific and coverage was terrible, no WhatsApp etc so you were continually calling landline at work🤔

@AlexaAmbidextra
I don’t think posters relationships would survive without mobile phones which is a bit sad.

Had it with an ex (thankfully before smart phones so it was just texts and calls)

He also used to pick an arguement before I went out [to spoil my good mood] and used to cause a fuss when I got him.

He has issues.

ghanagirl

Yep - before mobile, analogue phones were available, and we did call each other every day from work.

I couldn't be arsed with really high levels of contact.

I love my Dp very much and we are a committed partnership.

I need time, if people (even if I love them) fill that time I never have a chance to recharge! Life is busy enough without adding constant contact all the time.

That being said though he likes to call on his break (late so on his own with no one to chat to) and if I'm away I like him to call or txt me quickly so I know he got home safe from work (late at night)

or if there is a specific need like where did you put the sellotape or can you get bread etc

but apart from that we don't have the time or inclination to want to txt/call all the time. We love the time we spend together but have other areas of our life too.

@SilentSister
Yep - before mobile, analogue phones were available, and we did call each other every day from work.
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