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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7 yr old wakes up baby

37 replies

imsotired1 · 21/06/2019 05:13

Long time lurker but its 5:13am and I'm tired and pissed off so decided to make an account.

My aibu is to that I'm getting annoyed my DSD (7) keeps talking in her sleep and waking DD (13 months) but I get the brunt of it from DP.

Our current circumstances mean they're in the same room but every time she stays she talks in her sleep and wakes the baby, baby will winge and DD tells her to shhh (understandable, she doesn't realise she woke her). I have to bring her onto the sofa and will do this until Monday morning. It takes me 3 days to get her back into normal routine but by the time she's sleeping again, DSD is back and repeat...

DP moans saying I know she's coming over so I should sleep on sofa with her from the get go! Can't have her in our bed and she just wouldn't settle. She's a sweat box and would get unbelievably hot in bed with the duvet.

So please mumsnetters, can I have some advice on how to handle this? I'm too tired!

OP posts:
MaximusHeadroom · 21/06/2019 05:21

We have had similar issues. We have a Gro Clock and our rule is if the sun is not up and the baby cries, the others ignore her as she is our responsibility and it has worked.

But they are together every night so it is different.

Can DSD sleep on your bedroom floor on a little mattress. I think it is easier to move the older one than the younger one. Or she can sleep downstairs with DP?

He shouldn't be able to just say it is your problem to solve

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 21/06/2019 05:28

Is there space in your room for a travel cot?

1066vegan · 21/06/2019 05:38

Dsd can't help talking in her sleep so no point telling her to shush. If there's no room for a travel cot then bring the baby into bed with you (keeping the duvet off her) and send dh to sleep on the sofa.

1066vegan · 21/06/2019 05:39

Ignore my first sentence. I couldn't see the op on my phone and had misremembered.

Justhavingacry · 21/06/2019 05:40

Is there anything is particular that makes DSD sleep talk more
i.e. an overactive day?

A particular time that she talks - that you could work your sleep routine around?

Can DSD 'camp' in the lounge for one of the 3 nights
Move furniture around to create a bit of a partition/buffer
White noise machine that might 'dull' some of DSD's sleeptalking (no idea on the research of if they are good for babies etc)

blackcat86 · 21/06/2019 05:45

Oh I see, so DP has HIS daughter stay but you're supposed to find a work around to keep everyone happy (except your self of course) and ruin his other child's routine Hmm. Refuse to get involved. He can get up and take the baby to the sofa or whatever other solution works. I fell into this trap of sorting out everything for DSSs arrival but I dont bother any longer because a)no fecker appreciates it and b) DSS needs to see that his dad is happy to parent him and make the effort.

chamenanged · 21/06/2019 05:50

On what planet is the solution for you to sleep on the sofa when the issue is between his two kids? You don't have two kids.

MaverickSnoopy · 21/06/2019 05:57

It's tricky because you don't want dsd to feel unwelcome, but your current arrangement isn't sustainable. Why does DH think you should be on the sofa or the one dealing with this? I think you should be taking it in turns.

In the short term I'd suggest either a travel cot or dd sleeps in your bed while DH sleeps on the sofa. Long term, what are the prospects like for moving to a house with an extra bedroom? As dd gets bigger this will become trickier to manage.

Myfoolishboatisleaning · 21/06/2019 06:05

How much and how loud is DSD talking? It is very unusual for a toddler to be woken like that. They usually sleep through anything. Any reason the toddler is sleeping so badly?

Booboo66 · 21/06/2019 06:08

DSD is 7, I'd just explain first off (before bed time not when she's just been woken) about her sleeptalking and the fact it's waking baby. As her to just ignore her when she makes a noise rather than sushing her as although she can't help it that's what's women her. See if she manages this. She's old enough to understand. Failing that perhaps a campbed in your room but I wonder than if DP will then complain about his DD waking him with the talking. You sound like a very understanding SM but you and dd sleeping on sofa is an unfair solution

imnotcheryl · 21/06/2019 06:09

Oh I see, so DP has HIS daughter stay but you're supposed to find a work around to keep everyone happy (except your self of course) and ruin his other child's routine

This. How about he sleeps on the couch? I don't know why this is your problem to deal with. Or if he was on the couch and she was in with you, your bed probably wouldn't be so warm. Either way this is his problem to solve.

Thehop · 21/06/2019 06:11

Put husband in stepdaughters room and sleep with your baby? His bloody problem, he sounds an arse.

BethanyGilbert · 21/06/2019 06:19

Why is he not taking his turn on the sofa with the baby? I can’t imagine being on the sofa with the baby is very safe though. Maybe he can share the girls with room with DD and you and the baby can share the double bed?

speakout · 21/06/2019 06:24

Oh needs to sleep on the sofa.
You sleep in with the baby when DSD comes over, DSD gets your bed, OH on sofa.

Kahlua4me · 21/06/2019 06:40

speakout has the best plan for sleeping arrangements.

speakout · 21/06/2019 06:45

A decent father would take the sofa. and make sure his family had a good night's sleep.

Morgan12 · 21/06/2019 06:45

I'm assuming DSD has a bed? You sleep in that.

DSD in your bed with her dad.

Easy peasy. DSD can keep her dad awake with her sleep talking and not the baby. You get a decent sleep in a different room.

HomeTheatreSystem · 21/06/2019 06:45

It's a tough one isn't it! You're limited on space to start with so whatever solution you come up with is going to involve someone sleeping on the sofa.

It sounds like your baby is quite a light sleeper and you mentioned it takes you a few days to get her to settle before DSD is back again so it sounds like your starting point is that to avoid her being unsettled
the baby stays on her own, in her room. If you put DSD on the sofa you would need to vacate the living room by her bedtime and it also risks making her feel unwelcome. Even if her father slept down there with her, not being able to use the living area after her bedtime would still apply. She could bunk up in your bed with either her father or you and then the other adult would be on the sofa, or both you and your DH sleep in the living room together, maybe on a double blow up bed if you have the floor space for it and leave DSD in your bed.
Unfortunately, none of these are ideal but until you're in a house with more room, or your baby stops being such a light sleeper
there's not much else you can do.

QuarterMileAtATime · 21/06/2019 06:49

Depending on the setup, could you try white noise near baby to see if it keeps her stay asleep during the chatter?

Otherwise, agree your OH should be on the sofa and whatever solution should try to affect baby’s routine the least.

ukgift2016 · 21/06/2019 06:57

Agree with the poster who said, you sleep in DSD bed with the baby and DSD sleeps with her dad or vice versa .

Are you planning on moving to a bigger house? Having a 1 year old and a 7 year old share a room is not a good idea regardless.

This is manageable for th short term but only if your husband is a decent man and willing to make adjustments for this period of time.

Original poster
imsotired1 · 21/06/2019 07:05

Thank you everyone for replies. We will be moving in the next few months, been approved for mortgage so just need to find the right place!

Love the idea about me being in DSD bed and she comes into my bed with her dad.

PP who said DP sounds like an arse... he is! Grin

OP posts:
speakout · 21/06/2019 07:10

PP who said DP sounds like an arse... he is!

A nd you wantto buy a house with him?

Quartz2208 · 21/06/2019 07:10

Op he really is as you seem to be bearing the brunt of everything is he this bad with everything

Original poster
imsotired1 · 21/06/2019 07:25

Yeah but that's a whole different thread! I should have said approved for the mortgage, wait for him to move and I decide what I want to do

OP posts:
speakout · 21/06/2019 07:34

So it will be him buying alone?

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