Can a child go the Drs without an adult?

[iamtinkabella]

Sorry.. unfortunately this is not really an AIBU, but would be if i went into further details possibly.

So anyway.. my youngest DS who is 12 yo has confided in me that she feels she may have depression. I was suprised at the comment she made and we have had a large discussion about how she feels and that she can always talk to me no matter what (i am within the decade older than her). I feel so deeply sorry for her. She would like to go the doctors and speak to a GP but our DM is not much of a caring mother and she wouldn't want to go with her. I have, obviously, told her that i will go with her and be there for her but am unsure if i can go with her without our DMs consent? DF works very long hours and isn't someone you would
talk to about this although he is such a loving DF in many other ways. Can i go with my DS to the Drs without DM knowing?

Thank you for reading everyone and so sorry for the non AIBU!

Yes you can go. Drs do an assessment of whether she can be seen by a Dr without parental consent. Most reasonably intelligent 12 year olds would pass this assessment.

School nurse might be another possible starting point if it is difficult to get to the doctors

@iamtinkabella What a lovely sister you are. Are you over 16? If so then it should be fine but if you’re concerned you could perhaps check with the surgery, even if you explain that your Dsis has asked you to go with her and not your Mum.

I am a little worried about the lack of care and nurturing you and your siblings seem to have from your parents - I had a similar upbringing and looking back, my mum and our home life was definitely the cause of most of my mental health problems. Have you got access to ChildLine or anything similar? xx

@iamtinkabella yes please go along too!

When you/she books the appointment it may be worth checking about text reminders - they may go to your mum's number (I get my son's appointment reminders as it's my number on his record)

@IHateUncleJamie Yes im in my twenties with my own DD and a single mother so things are not easy lately for myself due to DV ect. Do not want to out myself but i see siblings every day, make sure tgey are ok, play games and get takeaways as treats once a week. They are ok, my DF is truelly a very lovely, but overworked man. and DM is just unfortunately very cold hearted. I am (i hope) the opposite to DM and will be there for siblings, even if it means bringing them up along side my own DC.

@Hiphopopotamous i will do! i would never, ever, let her go on her own

@SkydivingKittyCat thats a very good point! thank you!

You’re a great sister. I wish my sister had been around to help me, but she was much older and needed to escape our narcissistic, controlling mother herself. I went for my first antidepressants at 15/16 by myself. My sister refuses to take them but has suffered greatly. I am still NC with our mother but DSis has had to reconnect to a certain extent due to our mother’s old age, ill health and living in the same building, Our sisterly relationship is now fine. [flowers}

That should have been !

@MsJudgemental its so damaging with such an abusive DM. She may not beat ys to a bone but she has certainly ruined any self confidence that i ever had of myself. I can't imagine what it was like for you, although i never had anyone to support me. Its very nasty!

Could you perhaps encourage her to ask for an appointment with the school nurse as a first step? Many schools don’t have full-time nurses but I am pretty sure that all have somebody that visits once a week or once a fortnight to see students with specific needs (inc mental health, stop smoking, eating disorders etc)
Appt would be confidential and nurse would be able to signpost to appropriate agency ...

ffs the typos tonight off me are horrendous. i do apologise!

Also a GP....yes, you can bring her. However, if she is depressed and needs treatment she will need to be referred to Child and Adolescent Mental Health (GPs don’t start medication in children this young). Where I work, a referral to CAMHS specifically asks for parental consent to the referral and if there is no consent a record of why. A 12 year old coming in to talk about something like this without a parent will likely ring alarm bells for your GP and there might be questions about why your Mum isn’t there and how much of any home issues are feeding into why she feels as she does.
Well done you for looking out fo her. If she is suffering from depression she’ll need your support.

It is. People with ‘normal’ mothers just do not I understand, and why indeed should they. It isn’t normal to be cold, selfish, psychologically neglectful and bullying and yet appear to be the perfect, hardworking, house proud and respectable person to outsiders. Coupled with the old Catholic guilt, it’s ruined our lives. However, I’m proud that I’ve turned things around and have a great relationship with my DS.

Sorry for the random ‘I’!

@Muststopfaffing Ah yes, i have been reffered to camhs when i was around Dsis age. I cannot remember the exact questions before referal so thank you for that. i will have a good look and check!

@MsJudgemental you have hit the nail on the head. DM appears to be such an amazing selfless parent to others, yet so emotionally abuse and cold towards her DC behind closed doors. I have given up now trying to form a relationship with her, but feel so jealous of friends who have an amazing relationship with their DMs.

Well done for being such a supportive caring person for your siblings though do look after yourself too

It isn’t normal to be cold, selfish, psychologically neglectful and bullying and yet appear to be the perfect, hardworking, house proud and respectable person to outsiders

I didn't truly realise this until I had my own children and I was already NC with my mother by then