To expect my 2 year old to listen to me?

[WhenZogateSuperworm]

DS has just started a phase of doing the exact opposite of what he is told/asked.

Few examples from today-
He had a new ball and was carrying it out of the supermarket. I told him not to bounce it in the car park as it was dangerous. He looked as if he was about to throw it so I reminded him again. He then purposely bounced the ball!

He likes to give his baby sister a cuddle but is much bigger than her and ends up just squashing her. I asked him to get off her 3 times earlier whilst he completely ignored me and I had to pull him off.

I heard him touching the plug socket in the hallway so asked him to come to me in the next room, totally ignored me despite me asking 4 times! So I had to go and fetch him.

I know he understands, he is quite articulate and can easily follow 2 step instructions when he wants to. The issue at the minute is boundary testing and I’m not sure how to deal with it!

He's two

YABU

Yes

He's 2. It's all about boundary testing.

Then there 3 when they hurl themselves over boundaries pole vault style. You just have to keep physically removing them as you're doing. Distraction can help as well.

You really asked this in AIBU?

You have a standard-issue two year old. Expect to spend the rest of your life next decade repeating yourself.

It's charcter-building.

Sounds like a normal 2 year old to me. So what did you do when he did the opposite to what you asked? Did you take the ball away for example? He's learning how far he can go without consequences. It's a learning process so takes a few tries.

Sounds like a typical 2 year old. Just because he's articulate don't expect too much from him or you could both end up getting frustrated.
Personally I would never expect a 2 year old to carry a ball with out bouncing it!

My 2 year old doesn't have a clue what I'm saying to her it's very rare she can understand and follow an instruction. Get your shoes, get your cup, get mum's glasses/phone she understands.

I tell her NO sternly when she's doing something she shouldn't like playing with a plug socket but if I was to tell her not to bounce a ball because it was dangerous she would have no idea what I was saying.

She doesn't talk either though so 🤷

YABU

My kids are 13, 10 and 7. They still don't listen.
Hth

He sounds like a completely normal 2 year old... so yes, YABU!

I would have thought he just heard you say bounce and thought oh good idea. 2 year olds are nuts, he sounds standard issue.

Yabu

You should tell him what to do. Not what not to do because they don’t hear the “don’t” bit 😂 saying don’t bounce just gives him the idea of bouncing 😂

My DD was tapping a plastic fork against her cheek while we were eating dinner. I told her to be careful incase she poked herself in the eye. So she jabbed the fork in her eye. Toddlers are savages, they give zero fucks. They will jab themselves in the eye simply because you told them not to.

You're implanting the suggestion. Imagine they only hear the last 3 words you say. If you start with "don't" the chances are they didn't "hear". Try positives such as "walk on the path" rather than "don't go in the road". Negatives inspire the 'well why not' bondary push

I find at that age putting ‘don't’ in front of a sentence doesn’t resonate. Your child hears ‘bounce the ball’, ‘bounce the ball’. You would be better off rephrasing your warnings so they can’t be misinterpreted. In your situation I would have just said ‘X pass mummy the ball please as there are lots of cars here and it’s dangerous’. Equally if the child is running towards a run I shout ‘stop’ and my child stops. My friend tends to shout her daughters name in the same situation and gets ignored. You need to be very clear and concise.

Cross posted

*road

Yes, as you've correctly surmised, it's boundary testing. That's what two year olds do, it's a learning process and perfectly natural. Your job is to keep reinforcing the boundaries consistently and matter of factly, that's how he will learn. Children, especially toddlers, aren't adults and won't act rationally or logically, no matter how articulate you think they are.

That’s how two year olds are. It was quite useful that my son was so perverse I could actually ask him to do the opposite of what I wanted and got great results. Honestly he didn’t cotton on.

Remember he is only learning so you can teach him..it doesnt mean he will always do it but he can improve.
So when he touches the plug just catch his hand gently and say in a bit louder voice......Mom SAID NO! and move him away. Don't go into a big explanation as they hear a short instruction better.
Keep remembering that he is only learning and for his own safety he needs to heed your voice but that takes training. He wasnt born knowing. He is a very regular kid.

Chose what you are prepared to let go and reinforce the things that you feel are important. Don't give too many instructions as it will confuse him.
Be aware that many of these situations where he is putting himself in danger or not listening to you have actually been created by you and can be avoided.
Don't be afraid to say no, he may have a meltdown but give in now and you will make it harder for yourself down the line.

I have a very intelligent 3 year old who can read/write... she would still bounce the ball if I said ‘don’t bounce the ball’. It’s how they’re wired 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thanks everyone! As I expected I need to be more patient with the toddler stage!

I work with teenagers who also don’t listen, but I can put consequences in and reason with them!

Welcome to 2. Someone should have sent you the memo.