Court Advice

[Jules108]

I will try to keep this brief but to the point as to not dripfeed.

ExDP has mental health issues. He can go from uncontrollably crying to angry in a second. He swung DD from the cot by her arm at 4 months as she was crying for a feed and he became angry with her. I threw him out. I have no proof he did this aside from texts and now he is taking me to court for unsupervised access (I currently allow him to have supervised access).

Does anyone know where I stand? Will they likely grant him unsupervised access?

No one can give you reliable advice because a) we don’t know what he’ll say and b) we don’t know what a judge will make of it all.

What will there be in your child’s medical/health visitor records? What input, if any has he had for his MH problems? Has he been in trouble with the police?

How old is your DC? How has the supervised contact been?

Nothing in medical records. She had no injuries.

He's seen a psychologist and he was told he has ADHD. He can switch his mood in company. He hasn't sought help and no police input aside from when he punched his father but no charges were filed.

DD is 10 months. Supervised access is amicable. However, he has once got my DD's hand and hit me in the face. He said "Hit, mummy. We don't like her". Again, no proof.

Who are the texts to? What do they say roughly and when are they from? If you have texts from the time that's helpful because it looks like it's not some excuse you are making up now.

I know nobody can tell me what can happen as these things are ambiguous. However, any advice would be appreciated. TIA.

The texts are to me. We were discussing why I won't give him unsupervised access. They say something along the lines of "If you tell anyone about that, I will..."

What exactly do the texts say? That will have a massive impact.

So do you say

“I won’t let you have dd alone because you......”

And then he says

“If you tell anyone about that I will....”

Is what he did described?

Yes, exactly as you have written.

Get a family law solicitor and show them the texts. Money well spent if it protects your dc

Did you go to the Police, it sounds like he assaulted your child?

Sorry, I normally lurk on MN so I'm not sure how to reply directly to comments

Having been through children's proceedings with my nightmare ex-h, I would hope you'd get a good Cafcass officer as I did. I think you have to gather all the evidence you can. Fortunately I had quite a lot of it, and it sounds to me that the text messages could be vitally important. If he has had any involvement with the police, that will form part of searches. Cafcass/court will want to know why you have only allowed supervised access. Is he on the birth certificate? Do you have residency etc? Have you voiced your concerns to anybody else, HV, GP for example? Any family member witnesses?

@Jules108 if you do what I have just done and @ user names, they will get an alert that you have responded to them

I didn't go to the police as there was no injuries. They wouldn't have believed me? I made her safe by throwing him out straight away. He only has contact now when myself and another member of family are present

@TheFormidableMrsC Thank you!

You should still have gone to the police and reported the assault. At least they would have it on record.

And if he has sent text messages referencing it I can’t see why they wouldn’t believe you.

Stop making assumptions.

Are you sure there were no injuries, did she go to a doctor?

@TheFormidableMrsC He is on the birth certificate. Is residency something I have to obtain from the court? I have been trying to get in contact HV but the advice line just gives me a number which she doesn't pick up, which I keep having to explain. No family witnesses. He didn't do anything physical in front of them but they have witnessed emotionally abusive comments

@constantlyseekinghappiness I received these texts months after.

Would these texts be enough evidence at this point or is it too late?

I'm sure there were no injuries.

At court you can request a medical letter from him to prove he is safe and follows treatment. From there you can request a section 7 to talk about how he has/ will parent.

If he admits doing it that’s plenty evidence, or even if he references it in the text messages that should be enough to justify you reporting it to the police - even after some time has passed.

And it will certainly strengthen your basis for him not getting unsupervised access.

@Jules108 Yes residency is via the court but this would be a simple process and form part of any children's application. As you have always been the resident parent, it will probably be put into the consent order anyway.

Keep trying with the HV, social services can also be very helpful (in my experience). They were very supportive towards me.

I agree with requested a Section 7 report...this is quite an in-depth report and covers all issues including medical. Does he have a formal diagnosis of ADHD?

I really wish you had reported the assault on your child to the police, I know it's pointless going over that now...but I do wonder whether it is actually worth speaking to the local DV unit and taking some advice. Please don't assume that they wouldn't believe you! They would have investigated. I would consider reporting as you have evidence in text. Again, they were very helpful to me. If that happened when she was four months and she's now 10 months, that's a very short timespan. Going into toddlerhood, she is going to be challenging and he can't be trusted, that is clear.

Save screenshots of ALL conversations in relation to this. Type or write up instances where your relatives have noticed abusive behaviour.

Finally, has he actually made the application or is he just threatening it?

My ex gained more contact with the children in the last court hearing. I'm distraught! Now he has them 3 nights a week! How do I reverse it? I insisted on a family assistance for 12 months. What can I do to stop it ???