AIBU to not want to live here and now what?

[Outdoorsie]

So my boyfriend bought a new house when we were almost 2 years together and we live further apart now and see less of each other as a result. It's not a huge distance but is further away from both our jobs. He now says we have to see more of each other but it has to come from both of us. This annoyed me a bit because it's a longer distance for me to travel, I'd no input into the move and wasn't asked if I'd mind the extra travel. I wouldn't be going to his place on weekdays as I've a long enough day with work - I work in healthcare and do long shifts.

He also said how are we going to progress things when neither of us is willing to live where the other does.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this was none of my doing and I'm not going to live somewhere I don't want to just because he's chosen this place?

How far away has he moved and how near were you living before?
You sound annoyed about his move, and even more so now that he's is demanding? Expecting? more effort on your part.
Is he thinking that you will move in to his new house?
I would have expected that to be a ongoing conversation and consultation when he was planning his move. I imagine the house move happened over a period of time- what was discussed about the impact on your relationship while he was in the looking/offering/conveyancing process?

From what you've written it seems that communication isn't great in your relationship. Is it great in other ways? Do you see your future with him? If not, I would be considering moving on...

Did you not have a conversation about this before he bought the house?

I would have thought his worry about the relationship progressing should have been addressed before buying a house. I mean why would he just buy it without any input from you and consideration of you both living together at some point. Surely being together for two years would mean you both thinking about moving in together, not him buying alone and moving further away.

You both need to learn the art of compromise 😀

Compromise?

He moved "away".

I can't see what "compromise he's making here....

OP maybe this is the catalyst to move your relationship forward or end it.

My suggestion would be (if you're ready) to suggest buying a property together in a suitable location.

Compromise is a two way thing.
I'm suggesting that the couple might, for example, agree to compromise on where they live.
I'm not suggesting the OP moves to partners house.

Hera that wasn't clear in your pp, however I think we are on the same page.

How far away did he move? This is key info. Are we talking the other end of the city or clear across the country?

What was discussed when he was in the process of buying the house? Did he expect you to come over and stay at his a lot, or did he say he would be coming to see you more, or did you agree to share the travel equally? I don't believe that this wouldn't have been discussed at all when you'd already been together for 2 years.

To provide some context... we were living in the same town. He's now in a town about 50 minutes drive away. If I was to travel from my work to there it would take just over two hours.

It was a sudden decision of his to buy here. He knew someone else who moved to this town and he decided to follow suit. I was surprised at this. This happened a year ago. At the time there was no talk about our future, living together etc. All that he said was that he didn't want his move to affect our relationship.

He's not going to be moving again any time soon.

Think it’s time to say goodbye

So really you need to decide whether you see yourselves w a future or whether it is time to move on. I wouldn't consult my boyfriend of a year on where I bought a house either, so I can quite see why he didn't but you both now need to decide where and how you want this relationship to go.

DeRigeur. I said "you both need to learn to compromise".
How did you get from that that I was only expecting the OP to compromise?

BarbarianMum, He wasn't my boyfriend of a year when this happened. As I said in my original post we were nearly 2 years together and this happened a year ago so nearly 3 years together now.