To be filled with dread at thought of DD aged four starting school in two months?

[FE2019]

I'm posting here for traffic so apologies to anyone who finds this really annoying.

I have a DD who has just turned four. She has the most horrendous separation anxiety and it manifests itself in making her physically ill. She started nursery when she was three but we were advised after just four weeks to take her out because she wasn't ready. We tried again and the same thing happened. And she hasn't been ready since.

She's due to start school in September but the school she will be going to has refused to let her do mornings for the first term and let her build up to staying for lunch and then the afternoon, unlike our other local school which was our first choice but we didn't get in to,

I've tried talking to her about school, encouraging her with all the normal tales of what fun it will be etc and this week I left the room at a toddler group we've been going to for 18 months, I literally waited outside the door for 5 mins, and one of the other mums came and found me with her because she was so hysterical she couldn't speak and kept telling me I had left her. The other mums were shocked at how badly she reacted and one even asked me if something terrible has happened to her to make her so scared of being left.

What do I do? Do I defer for a year and gradually work on her going to nursery several times a week and 'building up' to school. Will a year make a difference? I don;t know what to do :( Has anyone else experienced this?

You can wait as long as you like before sending her to school. She doesn't have to start this year or next year. You could wait until you are sure she is ready. She will get more confident as she gets older.

If the school is oversubscribed then you might prefer to hang onto the place you have secured. You can do this by deferring until Easter. If you wait any longer then the place cannot be kept waiting for her and you will have to take your chances as to where she can go to school.

However, if that doesn't bother you much then there is no deadline at all. Once she reaches Compulsory School Age in autumn 2020 you would need to be home educating her, and you could carry on with that until you feel she would thrive at school. Many people home educate for the first few years because school doesn't seem right yet for their young child.

Hi OP,

That sounds like a really tough situation for you and your daughter.

I don’t have much to offer, but I do know that separation anxiety can and will improve over time. From 18 months to 3 years my DS did one day a week in a nursery. He completely freaked out at every single drop off and it broke my heart.

At age 3 we moved and he started at a preschool for a couple of sessions a week and immediately he took to it and never once cries or looked for me.

I don’t know if it was the change in setting or just his emotional understanding etc but it really was like night and day in terms of the experiences.

What does your daughter say about starting school? Does she want to go?

Like others, I’d say leave it a year, defer her place or reapply whatever you have to do. But also you need a plan for how to get her over this, it sounds like a GP appointment is the first step.
Good luck OP, let us know how/what you decide.