My sister recently got divorced and asked me to move in with her as she disliked being on her own. This suited me quite well as I had moved back to our hometown and the rent between us was pretty cheap.
It's been over 6 months since the split happened, but it dominates our conversations. I understand this to some extent, I know its painful for her. I don't mind speaking or supporting her and I have done so for the last 6 months. She has recently started dating people again and so this has become the second and only other conversation we have other than the divorce.
What bothers me a little bit is her attitude. Despite the fact that she has rent off me for my room and the fact that she pays her mortgage so she will eventually own the house, I am constantly reminded that this is "her house". I feel like a child being scolded for leaving coffee outside the cupboard or not washing my dishes straight away. If I ask her to put the bin out she says its "her house". I have told her I will look for another place if it is an issue.
Whenever I leave for work or to stay at a friend's for a night she will bombard me with texts when I'm back or how long I will be gone, or that I need to come back and put the washing out. Weird clingy stuff like she doesn't want me to be with other people. She will text me saying she is lonely or text me asking if her ex still loves her.
I am studying at the minute and it has already interfered on numerous occasions - she has bombarded me with calls when she knows I'm studying just because she is lonely.
She will always get me to buy things for the house despite the fact I am a student. Things that I do not use such as hair mousse etc.
I am not well myself. I have depression and recently been diagnosed with ptsd. But my sister negates this saying that therapy makes you develop a victim mentality.
My therapist told me to bring in some boundaries with my sister as she is contributing to me being a "rescuer" and not having any of my needs met.
She is impossible to talk to. Whenever I ask for space or anything she goes on a rant about how selfish I am or she will cry and make me feel guilty. I have no personal space. I feel like it's my purpose in life to make sure she is okay. I have cancelled plans on her request when she is feeling sad - but on the day i was diagnosed with ptsd she didn't have time to chat about it because she was going on a first date.
I have had a bad day today with panic attacks and had to give up studying at 4 and go to bed. She came in and spoke about how I was feeling for about 10 minutes. I have felt suicidal today really badly. She told me she can't speak about it and that I needed to get out of the house for fresh air. Fair enough. Then ten minutes later she is telling me about her latest crush. When I told her I needed a bit more support she told me that she allows me to live here, and now she is getting ready to go out.
I have supported her through bad times. When she had night terrors a few years ago I used to sit in her room so she could fall asleep with someone there, then I would go to bed.
Whenever I am dog tired before bed she expects a full debrief of her day. She constantly asks me about what I think of the divorce etc. I have recently met a new guy and been dating for a while but she won't engage in conversation about it. She doesn't ask about my studying or how I'm feeling ever.
I wouldn't mind if we both just lived out lives, but I genuinely feel like a 247 therapist. My needs are always last and don't matter. I have told her this is too much but she gives me a lecture on how people offer support in different ways, and I am not a good person etc..
I am really at a loss what to do. I am in the final months of studying and getting a job with the anxiety, depression and workload at this late stage is just not a good idea for my mental health. I wouldn't be able to afford a deposit at this point or have the time to search for a flat.
I am struggling with studying because of my mental health and the university are aware of this and helping alot. But my sister doesn't seem to realise I am under stress. She tells me that were all sad etc
Aibu to ask for any help AT ALL in my life. I feel so lost