To ask if she wants my help?

[gingerginger2]

In my daughter's class at school is a young girl who lives in the same street as us, she's 9. She spends a lot of time with us, as her family are quite neglectful and she plays out every day after school till dark. She spends a lot of time on her own, and isn't particularly well looked after. There's rarely anyone at home for her from what I can tell.

She knocks our door a lot to play with my daughter. We're kind to her and I don't particularly want to tell her to go away even though I don't feel 100% comfortable , so she's spends a lot of time with my family. I find it tricky because I don't have any direct contact with her family, they just let her roam around on her own. I feel for her, and she's a nice girl. But Feel uncomfortable as she's not my responsibility,but she spends a couple of hours a day with me and my children.

I have reported the situation to her school and to social services, and as I said, they seem to not be acting. So I'm assuming she's not at massive risk, just neglected. She is fed and watered and you do see her with her family sometimes.

Amongst many things that worry me about her is that she's hit puberty and already has breasts. She's large for her age and she has atleast a B cup already. I keep almost thinking to ask her if she needs help to get a bra. And then not because I worry that this would be completely none of my business and that her family would be angry. Or that it would be a child protection issue or something..

I'm not sure what to do. Any perspectives?

probably should have made a more descriptive title

My neighbours children were almost feral, I fed and watered them for years. They reached their mid teens and became self sufficient so didn't need me any more.You've reported your concerns to social services so you've done your duty. The bra issue is totally outside your responsibility and you shouldn't go there.We all have different attitudes to how we rear our children and you need to accept that.I'm sure you are making a difference to this child's life so maybe just keep on doing what you're doing.

I’d leave the bra issue alone. You are doing your best to help a child.
My son’s friend (12) wasn’t allowed home before 7pm every night because of the elder brother’s behavioural issues (he would steal and trash the home) but the younger one was also penalised. We fed and watered him too for a few years. We did our best and made him feel welcome but at the end of the day I couldn’t do much more really. Sad little life for them

Me being me if school & SS aren't bothered & she's already just left to it at such a young age I'd try & befriend the Mum who may be glad of some support. Can you ask her for her Mums mobile number as a start & make contact that way, maybe say hi I'm ginger, just so you know she's here most days so this is my no in case of emergency. Then go from there. If I was ignored or knocked back then I'd do more. I'd probably ask her if she's talked to her Mum yet about a training bra & go from there too.

Poor girl and hats off to you for being a kind person and looking out for her. She will remember you and your family in years to come. I would contact the school and social services again to find out what is happening, raising your concerns.

I won’t go into details for fear of outing her or me, but I can’t get in contact with her family. She diesn’t Live with parents.

That what my instincts were telling me too. I just really feel for her looking so uncomfortable. :-(

I would be called ss again and then again until someone starts to pay attention.

OP, please keep phoning until someone does something

Poor girl! This makes me really sad.

You're right, she is not your responsibility but you may well be the only person looking out for her. I think the bra issue is low priority in the grand scheme of things. If I were in your situation, I'd be making sure that something was done to ensure this child's safety and wellbeing.

The actions you take now will make a huge difference to her in the long run and as a PP says, she will remember and be grateful to you and your family for the care and support you have shown her in years to come x

Thing is I think she’s probably on social services list of kids that are onviosly not abused/neglected enough to warrant putting them in the care system. It’s been reported many times by many people.

You're very kind hearted.

This girl is going to remember you for the rest of her life. I have heard first hand from adults now who were neglected and how they were so thankful to the neighbour / friends mother who gave them a bit of dinner, the little treat, the opportunity to sit at a family table and eat.

It's a hard to know what is best, all our instincts are telling us to not get involved with the bra but to continue on with your kindness and yes definitely keep up the phone calls to ensure she stays on SS radar.

The only thing I can think of myself is, maybe if you get talking to the guardian you could mention that you are bringing your dd out shopping and would the girl like to go, then maybe go to pennys/primark and choose / guide her to one of those bra tops, not a full bra but the ones like vests ? and maybe a little t shirt too so as it doesn't look like you just bringing her out bra shopping. I could be way off with this one, but I think I'd try reaching out to the guardian and sus it from there.

My post is based on very limited information and I would only urge you to do what sits right with you but I just thought I'd ask you to consider.

My main thought is be careful what you push for/wish for. Many children have poor experiences in the Care system and poor outcomes afterwards. She will not necessarily benefit from being removed and her home life disrupted and that is one reason why the threshold for removal is high (it's not only money that is a factor).

You don't sound like you know an awful lot about her home life so it is difficult to assess how bad things are - perhaps you could walk her home sometimes and make chit chat with her carers. Someone not looking after their child how you would like them to doesn't mean they hit a threshold for intervention (you need to find out more to know if that's the case) but it is great that she has a kind safe family to hang out with.

If you feel they are struggling to cope perhaps you could say you know about some support for families and ask if you could pass on their details to SureStart or similar.

I was kind of thinking about buying a wee sports bra and giving it to her. I bought her some thermal vests a couple of years ago when she was going about in a too small coat that wouldn’t zip up in the beast from the east. And then worried myself silly that her family would be angry at interference. But nothing came of it. At the moment she’s walking around in her socks all the time because her shoes are too small.

Without outing myself, I do know her home situation reasonably well. I think it is as i’ve Said. Not great, but not bad enough to condemn her to care. Stupidity and neglect that exists on the threshold, occasionally dipping under until another intervention prompts slight improvement and then slips back again.

As pp said forget the bra issue - some shoes If she is walking around in socks yes but buying her underwear is wrong and confusing for her
You sound v kind btw

I’d go back to the school , don’t primary schools have pastoral support that can sort out shoes , clothes etc , I know the secondary schools that my ds has worked at do .

Ok yes. I’ll go back to school x