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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to go on holiday

6 replies

Christmascookiesmmmm · 20/06/2019 17:20

Sorry for long post. We have no kids in mid 20s /early 30s and have just bought first house, having been saving for a few years for deposit. We therefore haven’t been on holiday for about 3 years. (I know not a long time as many people can’t afford any holidays so I really don’t want to sound like a entitled brat.. growing up both me and partner only went on one family holiday during entire childhood as we’re not from well off families) anyway we moved in In December, and are doing it up slowly, and have bought most of the furniture so far second hand so have no debt whatsoever other than mortgage, and have already saved another £10000 since then (we had a but of a buffer after moving then partner got made redundant, received a payment and found another job within a week fortuneately, and I’m still saving about £700 a month). We both have decent incomes, partner earns more but we both pay equal amounts to mortgage /bills etc and I buy most stuff for the house. I feel very very fortunate to be in the position to have bought a house, but we also both work long hours, often opposite hours so don’t see each other that often, and we both get very stressed out. Recently I’ve had a really bad period of anxiety and just really feel like getting away and actually having some time not thinking about work and spending quality time with partner doing fun things would be so good for both of us, I’ve even suggested a place where we can do lots of mountain biking as that’s what partner loves and what helps him relax, and I can pay for it all, think it’ll be under £1000 so it can come out if my savings . I’ve said he can go off some days to mountain bike by himself which I thought he’d love. But partner is not happy in new job and wants to change, he already got a new offer but has rejected it due to doubts about the company. I feel like he will find something soon but he’s an extreme ‘glass half empty ‘ type of person. Even if he didn’t get a new job, we stress tested our mortgage so I can pay for everything if needed from my income. He says going on holiday will just be one more thing to stress about, which I don’t understand as we still have enough money and I can pay for it. We had an argument last night in which he said I’m not listening to him and I’m just upset about not getting what I want. It made me feel like I was being an entitled spoilt brat, but I just feel like we both work so hard and what for if we can’t enjoy our lives? Again I know I’m very very very fortunate to now have a house but just really feel like getting away would be really good for us. We are really careful with money and I feel like we’re in a good financial position to book a holiday, and it’s not going to be a super extravagant travellingthe world thing, just one week in Italy.. Sorry I’ve typed this really quickly, not sure what point is but he’s made me feel really unreasonable when I don’t think I am.. any advice to make him see that we’re in a good position, and why holidays are good for mental health/relationships would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
Expressedways · 20/06/2019 17:27

Gosh he sounds like quite hard work at the moment, hopefully that will improve if he find a new job. If he doesn’t want to go, I wouldn’t force him, nor would I bend over backwards to try to plan it around his hobby if he’s not interested. Why don’t you plan a holiday with friends instead? That way you get a well deserved break and you won’t have him moping around if he doesn’t want to be there.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/06/2019 17:29

I'd say with 10k in the bank you can justify 1k of it on a holiday.

Tell dp you are planning a trip to X. He is welcome to join you. He can't exactly grumble at you using some money from the pot if he also feels entitled to using it by becoming intentionally unemployed.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 20/06/2019 17:32

I think your anxieties manifest differently. He's as stressed as you.

You could be me and my DH. Except I'm your DH about money!

Leave it and bring it up again next week. I'd be calmer once i had exhausted all my fatalist thought. I'd trust my DH then to have thought it through. (Like you, he would have)

cheesenpickles · 20/06/2019 17:43

Sounds like my husband and I. Just keep sowing the seed, text him good offers you've found, say "oh so and so thought x was fab and really reasonable". I have to gently coax my husband into these things because, even though we're almost mortgage free (!!!) has convinced himself if we miss a payment by a penny they'll automatically take the house away. Confused

We sort of balance each other out. He reins me in etc. I've managed to get lucky enough to have a job that now means we have to travel a fair bit but it's my main "vice" travel and it's taken him a long time to be won over.

GreenTulips · 20/06/2019 18:00

I agree with PP you are young and deserve a well earnt holiday, so book one, he can join you if he wants to, or arrange with friends

Don’t let these things pass you by because he doesn’t want to. You’ll regret it later

shiningstar2 · 20/06/2019 19:02

I am definitely with you about the importance of time together away from the usual routine. If your dp is of a more caution frame of mind could you tempt him with something even less expensive. We recently spent 2 nights away in a spa hotel in GB right next to a beach. Once car was parked had long walks by beach, lovely dining in the evening and chilling with a book around the indoor pool. Only cost £280 B and B and one evening dinner. Ironically, after having to near force dh to take a break, having tried it he now realizes how important a bit of chill time together is and he is now up for a longer break abroad. Good luck op.

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