Aibu to think the pre-school will be mean to my child?

[Yellow82]

It’s a lovely nursery and my DS really loves going there. He started there just last term. At the time of signing up, I told the nursery manager everything upfront - our house is on the market, we will be relocating if we sell etc. Their T&C says they need a term’s notice. At that point, the nursery manager said it’s just their standard contract but she will make an exception in our case and to let her know as soon as we find a buyer. I just trusted her word, I know it’s so stupid of me, I’m usually quite careful. I should have made her write it down!
I told the nursery yesterday that DS won’t be returning in September.

The nursery manager called me just now and accused me of not being honest etc! Then tried to tell me I signed the contract. I did. After a long discussion, she FINALLY admitted that we verbally agreed but went on to tell me she needs “some payment” because she runs a business, high quality setting etc. She threatened about going to a small claims court etc, but later finally agreed no further payment will be due if I don’t tell other parents about the exemption.

AIBU to think that I should get my ds out of the nursery today because I fell out with them? Aibu to think they will be mean to my son, treat him poorly or worse hurt him? The staff are absolutely lovely. EACH ONE OF THEM. The nursery manager was lovely too - until this point. I’m beginning to get really worried (for some strange reason). If they are mean to him, my little boy can’t even properly tell me. He is only 3. We’ve got only a month left before the nursery closes. Shall I just get him out now? I have a child minder who I can use, but i’ll be paying both childminder and the pre-school. That’s ok for mental peace I think.
Pls can someone calm me down? Did you ever fall out with a nursery/preschool/ childminder and still sent your child there? Was it ok? Like everyone else, i’m sending my child there based on trust. That’s now broken down.

Its a bit of a leap to suggest that because you had a payment spat with the owner, they will hurt your son or be cruel to him. I just can’t see that happening. It would take the owner saying to the other staff ‘right, everyone has to be mean to Yellow’s son because they didn’t give a term’s notice’ and then all of those staff agreeing to do so. That doesn’t sound remotely plausible to me.

I don't believe any member of nursery staff will be mean to your child because of a misunderstanding with you - it would be more than their job is worth and people who work in day nurseries like small children. In any case, not all staff will know about this.

So don't worry about it.

Of course that's not going to happen, relax

Thank you ladies. I'm crying. I don't know why.

The staff are absolutely lovely. I'm just worried about the owner really. She is there at the nursery sometimes. The kind of person that tries to extract money by deceit, can do anything - can't she? I doubt if other staff will just be ok with it, but its ultimately her business. She can "look after" my child too.

I understand where you're coming from. If it was me I'd take him out, mother's instinct is strong! And it's a myth that all staff working in nursery settings like small children, a lot of them are like anyone doing a job - just doing it to make ends meet. A couple of staff at my DC previous preschool were fucking horrible.

I'm going through something similar right now. My son seems to be left out by his key worker . Anyway I raised the problem and now am feeling nervous about sending him in tomorrow as I know she will have a big gob on cos I've said something and to top it off her mother runs the place. I wont be taking him back to nursery now as I couldn't stand the thought of him upset again in there. I know how your situation is as bit different but i Definitely know how you feel, it's not unreasonable to worry bout your baby, as you say it's a trust thing and when that's gone it's really hard not to worry. Trust your instincts though and good luck.

money is a big issue at nurseries & many are close too, or actually, going out of business. Its possible that she is in worse financial situation now than she was when she spoke to you - but - I think it sounds more like she was trying to get you to sign contract - as you have signed it you are legally bound by it - sorry. But I doubt that she would hold it against your baby because she would be in serious trouble if she did & that could affect her reputation & business as well. I wouldn't think that the other staff would know about this part of the business.

Oh for goodness sake Yabu, stop being a drama llama and chill.

I very much doubt they'll take it out on your son. That would be outrageously unprofessional. At worst they'll be less accommodating of any requests you might make (e.g. day changes).

Care of your child and the nursery's financial position are two completely separate things. They will not be mean to your child, especially as you say they are all lovely. The staff probably don't even know.
However, having previously run a nursery I can see how difficult it is to be advised at such short notice that you aren't returning in September. It's almost the summer and a tricky time to find someone new to fill his place. In her situation I wouldn't even have made an exception, verbally or otherwise. Nurseries and preschools are on their knees. I think you should meet them halfway with some kind of financial gesture.

@happystory : why should I ? I signed up ONLY because she agreed to make an exemption. She is lying now. It’s deceit.

You are making a massive leap. You'd have to be a special kind of psycho to be mean to a child to exact revenge on the mum. Someone being concerned about loss of earnings is not that person.

I worked in an advisory role in early years settings for many years. There were many reasons for managers/owners to feel frustrated with parents, including money. I have honestly never seen that frustration translated into adverse treatment of the child.

I am not saying I never had issues with practice in nurseries /preschools because there is a great variation in skills, attitude and personality! But, if you have been satisfied with the quality of care and provision up till now I would not be worried for the last month.

I think you're being a tad over dramatic. I'm sure she wouldn't even want the staff to know she had made an exception.

But next time, amend a contract to reflect what you're actually signing.

@MrsDimmond : I’ve been very happy with them upto this point. Lovely staff. Absolutely no issues. I feel very bad even to think they might do something mean to my child. The staff are that lovely. BUT, that’s my judgment. Trust that I placed on them based on how i felt when I interacted with them. I had a similar trust on the owner when she made a verbal exemption. She seemed so trustworthy, I didn’t think for a minute! She tried to extract money from me by lying. That’s the problem. I don’t know if I’m stupid to trust them again. My little boy is very little, I feel terrible about taking chances. IFKWIM.

Kindly, because I know this is upsetting to you, but you're being daft.

I had a similar row over money recently with my nursery - Child had dropped a day, this had been agreed in the office and with her key workers and they all knew it, but I had forgotten to put it in writing and it emerged we had been paying for 5 days when she was only attending for 4 for the last few months (we only worked it out because she just went down to 3 and we did write in, and then they realised our invoice hadn't changed - we pay into the government scheme in big batches so we hadn't noticed).

Either way nursery manager tried to spin it that as we hadn't got evidence that we had formally notified them of the change they didn't owe us a rebate

TECHNICALLY true and in the fine print of the T&Cs that we should have, but so obviously in a mean spirit as they had all been well aware her hours had changed in the office and the room, and no-one had ever reminded me I should formalise with a letter at any point.

She backed down when I asked for a meeting to discuss with her; I was hurt and angry and won't trust them with money matters again. BUT that does not undermine the incredible loving care my daughter gets there, and I would never have left my child with people I thought would take out an adult argument on an innocent child. If she had stuck on the point I would have sucked it up too, because my daughter's happiness is separate to and more important than any adult money nonsense. I'm sure all good carers in a nursery setting would agree.

Don't worry so much!

@Desmondo2016 Absolutely. I’ve never relied on word alone before. I trusted them with something much more precious (my DS) so this seemed like a “smaller thing”. Never again!

And also to be fair to both your manager and mine people running small businesses have to be pretty hardnosed sometimes... Doesn't mean they are the kind of monsters who would bully a little child.

@Namestheyareachangin thank you very much for posting your experience

@Namestheyareachangin Hardnosed - yes. Lying and cheating?

The nursery should never have made an exception for you in the first place. Why should everyone else have to follow the rules but not you. I work in childcare and some parents question every penny until I lose the will to live and let them off with things.

As for thinking your son will be treated unkindly I think it says more about your personality. You got what you wanted so let it go or remove him. I’m sure the nursery manager won’t be sorry to lose your business. Perhaps the next person filling the space will understand how businesses run.

@CripsSandwiches: unprofessional. But very unlikely? Don’t know :(

@chocolatemademefat: oh wow! How is all this my fault? The fact that someone is lying and trying to unfairly extract money from me speaks about MY personality???

I signed up on the condition of exemption. She is lying now.

She has nothing to lose? Are you sure? Reputation??

YANBU. I can kind of see both sides of this but honestly, the staff wouldn't mistreat your little boy. I worked at a nursery years ago & it was very obvious that the owner was running a business to make money. Fair enough. The staff see very little of the money made & are often paid minimum wage. They certainly wouldn't act differently towards your child because you had a row with the owner, they probably agree with you! As a parent I bought up several issues with my dds nursery & would've been livid if they'd treated her any differently. If you feel really bad though & can manage just don't send him back. Talk it over with dp or family if you can, it's so hard to be rational when we're thinking of dc.

@chocolatemademefat : Exemption is a choice she made at that point to get my business. She should have / shouldn’t have - its up to her.

At this point, she is backing out of what she verbally agreed and then threatening me , name calling etc. No matter how tight things are with business, this is not how decent people behave.