AIBU to feel like this?

[Princessfaffalot]

I was followed today. A guy at my bus stop was watching me before the bus arrived. When the bus got on I sat near the back as it’s easier to get off that way (London suburb bus, get on at the front and off at the back) and this guy kept smiling at me. I smiled back once, to be polite. I thought maybe he thought he knew me or liked my dress or whatever. But when I shifted to get off it was really obvious he was watching me to see where I got off. He then followed me to a supermarket. I got what I needed and had been planning on grabbing a Costa but I was aware I was being followed so
I just went back to get the bus home. He followed me to the bus stop and asked me my name, where I lived etc. I didn’t know what to do. I thought maybe I was being paranoid and it was just coincidence but I felt like I was followed. He asked me where I was going so I gave the wrong town and he said he was going there too but when the bus turned up to go the false town I gave I didn’t get on it and he didn’t either. He asked if I’d changed my mind. There was only me, him and an elderly lady at the bus stop. I didn’t answer him but then when my bus turned up and I got on he got on too. He got off at my stop and watched me walk to my home (I live just around the corner from my stop) It was so unnerving. I’m a very average 30 year old. Wtf was he following me? Should I call someone? I feel like I’m being pathetic for being so disconcerted by it.

That’s awful, I don’t know who you could call though.

I would ring 101 for advice about this, OP.

It sounds very creepy.

I would feel uneasy. He might well be a socially awkward guy who doesn't know how to ask a woman out but the way he went about it was not appropriate and I would feel threatened too.

If he saw you walk to your house, are you saying he now knows where you live? Can you call a friend or someone to check he isn't hanging around?

See if you can have a friend (male if you can) come over. The police won’t be interested unless he’s hanging about.
I think women often feel like they need to be polite or protect someone’s feelings. A stern ‘please leave me alone’ and then ignoring him would have told him you were not interested. By engaging and answering his questions he felt ‘permission’ to carry on. It’s unfortunate you went home - I would have gone to a friend’s or neighbour. He may just have fancied you and thought ‘nothing ventured nothing gained’. Next time ignore and then tell whomever to stop bothering you.

Call 101 for advice - that’s very creepy behaviour. Hope you’re ok now

That sounds horrible but why did you tolerate this? Just tell him 'I'm not giving you my address' instead of making something up? Or say you're in a rush and dive into the nearest shop so you weren't alone with him? Talk to customer services or security. Get him on CCTV. Sorry, I know it's easy to think of things to do when it's not you its happening to.

But the scariest thing is that he now knows where you live? WTF? I would report this to 101 to be honest. Creepy fucker.

It just feels off. It felt predatory but I could be wrong, maybe he does have trouble making friends and he thought because I smiled I was friendly? But it didn’t feel like that. It was trying to make it look like he wasn’t following me. He had sunglasses on he kept looking over me at, when I spotted him in the supermarket he was suddenly interested in whatever was next to him. He followed me from aisle to aisle. It didn’t feel right.

Sounds horrid. Where are you now? I'd go back to a coffee shop and call friends if he follows you.

That’s the thing, I’m kicking myself for being “nice”. Why didn’t I just tell him to fuck off? I should have but didn’t feel I could. Yes I’m 99% sure he knows where I live. I live with dh and fil but no one will be home for a few hours. I shouldn’t have been “polite”.

I’m at home, I can’t see him but I’m not keen to hang out windows incase he is lurking. I’m home alone but have a big (daft soppy) dog.

There’s no one to call really, nothing has happened it just doesn’t feel right.

That’s really bloody creepy. Go upstairs and see if he’s still hanging about. If he is, ring 101 and tell them you have been followed to your home and he’s still there. Like a previous poster suggested, ring a male friend and get them to call over for a bit.

Will posters stop with the victim blaming, please. No one knows how they’re going to react in that situation and it started innocently enough, as far as OP was concerned. Also, female socialisation is the reason many women don’t have the courage to tell someone to back off. They also worry that the man may react aggressively, which they quite often do.

Facebook is helpful under these circumstances. I would actually post about this and ask if anyone can come over. Obviously only if you actually know the ‘friends’ you have online, not if you’re one of those numpties that has 43000 friends.

My Facebook is completely private so thank you, that’s a good idea.

Our house is a weird layout, our living room, bedroom and kitchen are upstairs. Fil has the bedroom and en-suite downstairs. So I’m reluctant to look out any windows.

I’ve never been like this, I’ve worked and dated (before dh) in central London for years and never felt like I’m in danger. But I do now. I’ve locked all windows and doors.