To not want to spend an entire weekend with DH's family...

[sleepdeprivationisfun]

I know I sound petty and there's no major backstory or falling out. I quite like them in all honesty and we've always gotten on with my in laws but I can't help but get annoyed sometimes that whenever SIL (DH's sister) is in the area (doesn't live locally) we are expected to spend our entire bloody weekend sat within a few metres of each other. MIL makes a huge deal out of it and is horrified at the suggestion of us just meeting for a meal a couple of times.

I didn't mind pre dc when I had a lot more free time but I have a 1year old and 2 year old who don't know what sleep means. I'm with them by myself from 5 am until I go to work in the evenings (DH works long hours mon-fri) and half the weekend. I look and feel like shit on a daily basis.

I'm really fucking tired and already taking holiday for this "occasion" and I'm sat here thinking why don't I actually be selfish for once and enjoy myself this weekend. I said to DH I'll show my face but don't expect me to spend every bloody second with them. He's a little shocked and said I'm free to do whatever but I think deep down he'd prefer it if I was joining in the "fun". They have recently become parents and are now experts in child rearing which is another reason for me to avoid right now if one more arsehole person tries to suggest how to get my dc to sleep.

And breatheeee

I think it depends on how often this is happening. If it’s a couple of times a year I think you just need to suck it up, but if it’s every month then YANBU and you can definitely set boundaries.

Ugh. Sounds dreadful. I would be making a hard pass.

I knew I was probably being unreasonable. It's a couple of times a year usually but the last time was over a year ago....

I'm not usually such an arse, it's just the last few months have been incredibly stressful with our dc who's just had surgery and hopefully on the mend. I think this has added to my stress levels and I dreamt of going for a quiet mooch around the shops and maybe sit in my pants and eat chocolate.

Damn!

I think it’s reasonable that dh takes the children to see his family while you eat chocolate in your pants.

You have earned it.

DH should take the children.

It’s a shame you can’t go as you you are coming down with a bug and don’t want to pass it on to everyone .

Let him take the kids - lots of family there to help. You have a well-earned bit of time to yourself.

Or you could agree to one day there and one day home?

And don't feel guilty - you have to take care of yourself in order to keep being a fab mum to the kids.

I need my breathing space too! How much time together are they talking about? If they've specifically travelled to be together you can reasonably expect to see them more than just for a meal or two but equally not every second of the day - can you escape to take the kids for naps (even if they don't actually nap)?

If it's literally going to be all weekend long couldn't you have an afternoon off while DH takes the kids to see the in laws?

I would let him take the dc and enjoy spending time with his family and then you pop in to see them for a bit.

My family lives abroad. They come to visit us maybe 2-3 times a year (which we are grateful for because they have the money to do it and are retired, whereas it would be quite a lot for all for of us to travel to them, never mind the school term, work commitments, etc.). They stay with us or at a nearby hotel depending on what suits them. I try to spend as much time with them as I can with our dc (they're my parents after all), but I do not expect my dh to spend every second of the weekend with them or to take off any time from work. They adore him, but they really come to see their grandchildren, and it's nice for us to have time together without feeling like all of us need to be there all the time. It works perfectly well.

Do you think it could be because he actually doesn't enjoy it, whether the socialising with them or managing the children by himself for that time, that he wants you there to soften the blow? I find my dh tends to expect me to attend his family things (his family lives a few hours away) more because actually he doesn't really like being around them and it isn't quite as stressful if I'm there too.

I would tell dh you are not going but he is more than welcome too. I told my dh that a few weeks ago as I did not want to spend the day with his family who have caused me and him a lot off upset this year and ruined what should have been a wonderful experience of finding out our new babies sex.

I am a grown adult and refuse to spend my spare time with people I don’t trust or even want to speak too particularly when I am heavily pregnant and ill. Although I would not stop dh taking the kids. They are his family not mine.

I also agree DH should take the kids. It shouldn't cause any drama, all he has to say is that you're pretty exhausted and need a bit of time to yourself to recharge, and you send your best to all, including SIL, and that you look forward to catching up at another time.

He gets to enjoy his family time, also gets to put in some serious Dad time (might give him a bit more appreciation for how hard it is when you're on your tod all the time?), you get rested and recharged. . . win/win!

You're not being unreasonable. You're running on red, and no wonder. You really do need to be able to put a bit more petrol in your tank, and this is a perfect opportunity.

Have to "be with" ILs on a kind of forced visit can be tiring. However, I see no reason why you can't duck out of a couple. Personally I set the precedent early and will suggest DH goes with DCs (and yes I do get on with MIL, SILs and BILS very well). But I work in central London, long commute, stressful work - everyone has stuff - your's will be different I'm sure but it adds up to being pretty busy! I can't just sit down for the weekend, it means the next week is really, really hard to get through (washing, uniforms, meals etc). So YANBU to suggest he goes off with DC to see ppl on his own.

100%let your husband take the children while you chill out. Show your face for a meal or for an hour or 2 at your leisure.