To want the dog trained?

[Worriedaboutdogg]

I've got a 1 year old little boy and have family staying with us while their house is being renovated.

My mum has a 2 year old dog who loves children/babies and is quite excitable. She hasn't had any proper training.
My 1 year old can be quite rough with the dog. He doesn't understand that he has to be gentle with her and he pulls at her hair/ears and nips her. The dog puts up with it all and sits there calmly and quietly when he's touching her. She's never shown any signs of being annoyed or like she's going to bite etc. However I would rather she was either trained to only come over to my baby when invited so that whoever is holding him is ready to stop him pulling at her and hurting her or to be kept away from him until he's old enough to understand that he has to be gentle (the dog gets quite excited when she sees the baby and will come over to see him and gets as close as possible, she's a lovely dog but very excitable as she's so young).
My Mum has told me I'm being nuts and worrying too much. She's said I need to get help and I should let him play with her.
AIBU?

@ChihuahuaMummy1 I know. I don't let him do it. I tell him not to and move him away. I know it's not the dog's problem. All I'm wondering is whether I'm being unreasonable to ask my Mum to train the dog to not go over to the baby until he knows not to pull at her. This is a new situation, he hasn't known dogs until now and I'm trying to teach him to be gentle with her.

@Sweetooth92 Thank you. That's pretty much what I'm doing so I guess it'll just take more time.

Baby gates and play pens so the two can see each other but can't get to each other

Teaching an 'on your bed' command to the dog, and give her a treat/chew when she settles there - the child should never be allowed to approach the dog when she is in her bed

Ask the dog to sit, whilst you have the baby on you lap. Reward the dog, lots of praise for sitting calmly next to the child.

Suggest you just ignore the dog when it's excited, don't make a fuss when you arrive and once it's calm you can call it over for attention on your terms. Keep child and dog apart until dog is calmer. Much easier if your mum agrees to do this e.g. she turns away from dog when it's getting silly/rushes to greet her but if you have the same routine every time you see it it might learn to calm around you and the baby. I also strongly advise that you NEVER let your dc be close enough to bite the dog. I had my own ddog when dc were babies and the ddog has to know it was bottom of the pack at all times and to move when they went close, however for ddogs protection and sanity they were kept apart

train the dog to not go over to the baby - its is much harder to train a dog not to do something, than it is to train a dog to do something. So teach the dog what to do instead, a settle/sit etc.

All I'm wondering is whether I'm being unreasonable to ask my Mum to train the dog to not go over to the baby until he knows not to pull at her.

It's very, very hard to train a dog not to do something. If you don't want the dog to approach the baby, then you need to make being away from the baby a good thing! So get a dog bed/basket/crate and train the dog to go to that place (use lots of treats and a lead if necessary) and train a settle command. It would also be a good idea to give the dog a big walk before you bring her around the baby as she'll be tired and much more happy to settle down.

Thank you everyone. The problem is (other than my son needing to learn not to be so rough!) is that my Mum won't train the dog and gets annoyed at me when I try to train her (telling her to go in her bed etc). She thinks the dog and my son should be able to play and be friends. All I'm asking is that the dog is trained (as well as my son) and until then then my son is always being held by one of us and the dog is always on the floor and calm (so not jumping up and excitable, as she was today when I brought this up).

I have a dog who is reasonably well trained., in that it it is totally toilet trained and other commands, but if a child treated her like a toy, and nipped and poked her I am not sure how she would react. If she did it would be her fault for not accepting such and she would have to be put down..

Op you must explain and teach your child that pets are not toys and you do not touch them . Later it can be explained that if you want to stroke or pet a pet you ask the owner as some do not like it.
If any child's comes into the house the dog goes in her crate and we keep the children away from it .

Given the right circumstances and provocation, even the most well trained dog can bite. You a v.v lucky your DC hasn't been yet and it's not the dogs fault, it's yours.

My DS has severe learning difficulties and sometimes struggles to understand that our dog is not a cuddly toy, however he has never behaved as your DC has, he just tries a bit hard to "love" her.

As pp have said you need to keep them apart if neither your mum is prepared to train the dog or you your child.

Thank you everyone. As I say I am trying to train my child and will continue to do so. I know it absolutely wouldn't be the dogs fault if she bit my baby and I know what would happen if she did bite. I have tried to explain this to my Mum. She just says that the dog would never bite, that she's very friendly and has been around children before (she used to live with children before coming to my Mum, the children were older and knew how to behave around dogs)

Your mum can’t say the dog will never bite. That’s just plain stupid and irresponsible.

The dog sounds brilliantly trained - did you really mean that your one year old 'nipped' the dog though?! You definetely need to keep them apart, the dog may not stay so easy going for long in those circumstances!

I think you and your mother ate being very nieve here. I have a very well mannered dog who loves people and has never exhibited any sigh of aggression but there are no circumstances under which I would allow him to interact with children without very close supervision and only then for a limited time.

You can request that your mother trains the dog but ultimately your child's safety is your responsibility. The only way you can be certain of this is to keep the dog and child separate.

You aren't being unreasonable in wanting this situation safer for all concerned.

You are however being unreasonable in expecting your mother to do this when she sees no need to bother.

The person who will have to do this.. is you.

Split the house using gates/pens so that dog and baby CANNOT get to one another unsupervised.

Neither dog NOR baby are capable of making good decisions here at the moment, and the fact the dog approaches and does not move away does NOT mean shes actually fine with what he then does to her, nor that if she is, she always will be (dogs often almost forget that they can move away when something unpleasant is happening, which is why so many people are shocked when the dog does growl or snap, as they thought 'oh if he didn't like it he'd have moved'.)

Practice using treats, sending the dog to her bed (toss treat into bed), pair the 'in your bed' cue with the tossing of the treat and the action of going to the bed.

Build a 'stay in your bed' cue, pairing the action of staying with treats and you moving gradually further and further away.

Don't leave your mum unsupervised with dog and baby.

Tell your DM to leave the dog at home. You can't trust dogs with babies and if she isn't going to keep the dog away it shouldn't be there.

@Ski4130 I mean nips with his fingers, not that he bites her.
The dog is very good but still quite young so very excitable and giddy when a baby is making happy noises (which he does whenever he sees her). She is treated like a baby herself, allowed on the furniture, she sleeps in my sister's bed and has no boundaries with adults which is why I've asked if we can train her, so she listens when we tell her to go in her bed, and stays there until we tell her otherwise (she'll sometimes go in but jumps right back out).
I've just tried to talk to my Mum about it, telling her I've asked about it on here and she's just said I'm overreacting because he's not always rough with her and the dog has never shown any signs that she's likely to bite.
I'll keep trying with my son, teaching him with teddies but I guess I'll have to keep him away from my mums dog.

I understand your concerns, but it's the dogs home .
Your mum should not let it near your child at the moment and either puts the dog in a crate or another room otherwise you just cannot bring your child there..
It is a safety issue and your mum must realise this . I am horrified at her thinking the child and dog can play togeather .even the best pet when poked or nipped in their own surroundings can react .
Her dog is only behaving normally in its own home and you can't expect other but your mum should crate or put in another room .

I know my child's safety is my responsibility. I have tried to train the dog myself but my Mum gets annoyed at me because she thinks the dog is fine. (sorry for always calling her 'the dog', I know if make me seem cold but calling her by her name would be terribly outing).
My house is very small so separating them with gates etc would be difficult. At the moment I'm spending most of my time either out with my baby or up in his bedroom with him as my Mum and the dog pretty much live in the living room.
It's making feeding him difficult as usually I'd just put him in his highchair with a toy in the living room (next to my very small kitchen) whilst I make him something but I can't do that as the dog is big enough to be reached from the high chair and won't stay away from him.

Why are people saying it's the dog's home? Read the thread FFS. It's OP's home.

Your house, your rules. Get a kennel and put it outside when your child is about. If your DM doesn't like it she can move out.

Put your foot down, OP.

@Worriedaboutdogg I have one year old and a dog. The training is about both the dog and the baby. My one year old (14 months) understand the word no and stops pulling the dog (you need to be consistent with your baby showing the appropriate behaviour towards dog). The dog has to know the word leave (you reward the dog when walking away from the baby). They coexist well. My little one plays fetch with the dog and takes the dogs toy to our dog to play with.

Train your child and gate off an area for the dog. The dog doesn't need training.

It’s not the dog that needs training.

Split the house using gates/pens so that dog and baby CANNOT get to one another unsupervised.

This is spot on. My DSis and a close friend have both managed to manage a dog and small children this way, simply keeping them apart with a baby gate.

A one year old is too young to understand so keeping them apart is the way to go. It's your house, so it's your call not your mum's.