To ask what damage this will do? Re divorce

[Bach45691]

Dsis and Bil have separated. They told their 3 boys 11 weeks ago. Bil has just introduced his new gf to them. Will the boys be ok?

Who knows? We don’t know their personalities. It seems a bit soon to me but some DC are ok with this and others are deeply resentful of the new woman splitting the family up. Depends on age and their sensitivities. You know them better than us.

I’ve no experience of divorce though so I’m asking for those who might have been through something similar for their opinion. I know the boys but I don’t know how children respond to something like this.

How old are they?

I personally wouldn't do it, or be happy if exh did it. But it would be out of my control. No one is able to anticipate the affect on their dcs.

How old are they? My parents separated and then divorced. I was introduced to my father’s girlfriends not long after, I never liked any of them. They weren’t the cause of the separation I just felt it was too soon and they were always there whenever my father could be bothered to spend time with me which I resented.

They’re 7,8 and 10. I’m still getting my head around the divorce so I can’t even imagine how confused they must be.

Sounds like a receipe for disaster! Poor children. Hopefully it will be a long term thing then it may not be too bad.

How will it effect them in the future? When people say it’ll ‘mess them up’ what does that actually mean in real terms?

You can't generalise about this at all. Depends on the kids, how resilient they are, and how the meeting is handled. All you can do is to be supportive for your sister and the children.

My parents split when I was 4. My mom had cheated on my dad.

Mom moved new partner in almost straight away.

My older sister was 6 at the time, loved moms new partner.
My oldest (half)brother (12) moved to live with his dad, had NC with mom.
My other brother (8) hated new partner.
I don't know how I felt - I guess I was too young to understand.

Fast forward 6 months, dad has a new partner and me, DSis & DB are going to live with them and new partners 2 DC.
I absolutely adored new step mom (and do to this day!)
Sister hated her, even now she'll make sly digs (20 years later!)
Brother was indifferent and remains indifferent

There's no knowing how they'd respond whether he has a new gf now or in 5 years time!
My mom didn't stay with that man and we were introduced to multiple boyfriends growing up.
General gist was I didn't like any of them - I think out of loyalty to my dad.
My sister liked all of them - possibly out of loyalty to my mom.
My brother generally didn't like them but doesn't really have a strong opinion either way about much!

My two GC met their mother's new boyfriend the week after the split happened. They subsequently decided that they didn't want to live with her any more , and they moved in with their father. They are 10 and 14 now and seem fine. So no it doesn't have to mess everything up - though of course you don't know how they'll be as adults.

So no it doesn't have to mess everything up - though of course you don't know how they'll be as adults.

Do they go to their mothers regularly?

I'm not sure that there wasn't an element of 'messing up' here as they chose to leave their home...

Thanks for the replies, feeling a bit better about it just hearing that it doesn’t have to mean your kids are forever damaged by it. I just can’t understand the rush.