Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for your stories about reuniting after separating/betrayal

8 replies

Alsome · 20/06/2019 06:38

Have separated from my husband after a betrayal.

Curious to hear stories from those who reunited after this kind of separation, whether affair, ONS/cheating or another kind of betrayal.

Not looking to judge anyone for their decisions either way. Just interested in how/if it worked for you.

OP posts:
Jemimapuddleduckpancake · 20/06/2019 08:18

My friend (let's call her Hannah) had a boyfriend (Tom) a few years ago. Turned out Tom also had had a long term girlfriend! (Let's call her Lucy.)

I found out about Lucy when catching up with an old friend who I hadn't seen for a long time. Somehow it came up that we knew the same person (Tom) as he was a a quite popular musician on our local music scene at the time - and that's how we found out that both of our friends were in a relationship with him!

Hannah had been with Tom for about 6 months when it happened but was heartbroken as was really into him. She broke up with him immediately. Lucy had been with him much longer. She stayed with him.

Over the years, I still saw Tom occasionally and made small talk as although he was an utter swine, he was annoyingly a really nice guy who it was tough to be angry with! I assumed he and Lucy had broken up shortly after Hannah-gate as every time I saw him he was out with girls - the odd girlfriend, other girls who he seemed to be casually dating (kissing / holding hands but not seen again).

Anyway, a while back had a catch up with that same old friend who had caught out Tom the first time, when he was with Hannah, all those years ago.

Turns out Lucy and Tom hadn't broken up after all but had stayed together after the Hannah scandal, got engaged, got married, and had a baby!!!! All those times I'd been seeing him out with other women, and he'd been with poor Lucy the whole time.

She popped up on my social media recently in the 'people you may know section and I couldn't resist a peek. Felt gutted for her. Her profile is one of a blissfully happily married mother and wife. My heart broke for her a little bit.

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

SilverySurfer · 20/06/2019 08:38

Why would you want to reunite with someone who has betrayed you?

DoneLikeAKipper · 20/06/2019 08:54

Someone seemingly joins MN early morning asking posters to ‘share stories’? Sounds suspiciously like fishing to me....

theWarOnPeace · 20/06/2019 09:13

I think the key here is, people don’t really want to open up about their own very painful experiences unless the OP has been a bit more forthcoming about their own.

Otherwise gives journalist vibes and/or is just a bit unfair and one sided.

Alsome · 20/06/2019 09:26

I wondered if people would wonder if I was a journalist. I’m honestly not. I’ve posted about my experience before under a different name but was trying to remain very anon. I know other MN members IRL. Sorry. I name change a lot for that reason.

My husband cheated years ago. It was a ONS with someone I knew about 8 years ago. I found out about it in January 2019.

I’m coming to a point in my separation where I’m thinking about what’s next but I don’t know anyone who has been through the same (or if they have, they don’t talk about it).

OP posts:
Alsome · 20/06/2019 09:55

Silvery - it’s interesting you say that because before it happened to me, I was firmly in the ‘no bloody way’ camp and would be baffled that anyone would do this. Now I’m in this situation, with the complexities of 3 kids, joint finances and, frankly, a lot of love, I’m learning it’s way more complicated.

OP posts:
SilverySurfer · 20/06/2019 11:39

I'm very sorry you are in that position. I never said it was easy or painless but don't see how you can ever really trust the other person again and relationships can be difficult enough without that.

I couldn't have children so never had that obviously major factor to consider when dealing with my relationships.

Whatever the outcome, I hope it's the right one for you.

Beantherebefore · 20/06/2019 11:54

Been with my DP for nearly 7 years. 1st 3 years I was the other woman. I had no idea. He moved in and found out for 2 years after that his gf who he lived with before was his other woman. He told her he loves her, they are still together, he is just taking time to sort his head out Hmm
6 weeks after giving birth to his DD I managed to speak to her in a lengthy 2 hour phone chat. I am currently due to give birth to his other DD in the next couple of weeks. We are still together.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread