AIBU to keep DS off school today?

[ExhaustedGrinch]

Will try to keep it brief but might end up being quite lengthy.

Background: DS (8) moved schools about 18 months ago after some quite violent bullying (kicked in the head, punched, hit with rocks etc). Boy in question was meant to have one on one care at school but still managed to attack my child at any given opportunity. School said it didn't meet threshold for expulsion, that they couldn't watch this child 24/7 and if said child ran off from one on one care then they couldn't physically restrain him from hitting my son. After meetings with LEA and school governors I decided to move my son when it became apparent they would do fuck all.

New school is somewhat better but as friendships had already formed my son is sometimes feeling excluded and there's some lower level stuff (name calling) that is quite frequent. There was one major incident at the beginning where another child pulled down my childs swimming trunks in the changing room and touched him. I went to social services, the school, the boys parents - again this child was meant to have one on one care but apparently this doesn't include the changing rooms. Nothing much was done.

Yesterday: Teacher comes over at home time and informs me that my DS was hit in the face at lunch time by a boy in year 6 (so 10 or 11yrs). She didn't give me much information other than that the boys parents were being called in. We leave but later on in the evening we bump into the boy and his mum on a shopping trip, DS loudly exclaims "That's the one mum, that's the one who hit me". Boys mum and I have a chat and she informs me of SEN and that her son is known (by school) to seek out younger and vulnerable children when he is stressed to attack them and lo and behold he is meant to have one on one support.

I'm fucking furious. The school are failing both of our children surely? Why is one on one support not working?

My son is awaiting an ASD assessment. When things like this happen he tends to blame himself for being 'stupid, ugly, fat' (he is none of those things) Unfortunately he then tends to hurt himself (bangs head against wall, swallows lego, previously asked me to hide all the knives in the house).

oh goodness! im sorry to hear what youre going through. keep him off if you think itll help, but would one day help?

Your poor son. Absolutely I would keep him off school - but make sure you frame it as a safeguarding issue that they are failing in their duty of care to safeguard your son and you want them to come up with a plan to ensure that your son will not be injured at school by other children, particularly those that have one on one carers. And that obviously you expect this leave to be authorised because it is the school’s fault he needs to be off - you would prefer him to be in school and safe but while they will not do this, you can’t send him in knowing he is likely to be attacked; it’s causing too much harm to your ds over and above the physical issues.

I would also get a jump on the school by contacting the absence person and safeguarding person at the council to ask for their involvement and help, as well as sending a copy of your letter to the chair and safeguarding governors and ask for their help too.

Hope you manage to have a nice day with your ds today!

Yes I would keep him off, everyone needs a day off once in a while and yesterday was obviously shit for him.

Well yes but one day isn’t enough.

I’m afraid I would insist on meeting the head teacher. I would email the school and put it in writing - the full incident and insist.

Have you spoken to the head?

How awful OP. This does sound like a horrible string of awful luck and bad management of children with issues. How does your DS feel? Is he scared to go to school or does he want to return? Is the school helping him find friends and settle in?

Thank you everyone. I've reported the absence through the school website stating clearly why my son won't be going in today as I am unable to reassure my son that he's safe at school.

I expect they will call/email during the day. I haven't yet spoken with the head teacher as the other boys parents were with him yesterday after school. I will send a seperate email to the school outlining my concerns this morning.

I don't know if my son/we are just unlucky or if this is a widespread issue of children with SEN not getting the help/support they are meant to be having? As much as I'm furious for what's happened to my son I'm also furious at these other children being let down too, and obviously the parents of these other children who are led to believe their children are being properly support and supervised at school.

I don’t have any advice, but I want to lend my support, sympathy and absolute FURY at how both schools have failed your DS and the other children.
There are schools that do better, so it is possible. The other children should be given better support and your DS should also be getting support from the SENCO by the sounds of it.
Are you familiar with SENDIAGS? They’re an independent body that supports parents of children with SN in dealing with schools and education authorities and they might be able to help you work out a better solution.
In the meantime, you absolutely should be keeping your DS home - the message to him is that he has a right to be safe, and the message to school is that they need to sort this out ASAP to protect their attendance stats, which they will care about, even if they don’t care about their pupils’ wellbeing.

No advice, but I feel very sorry for you and your DS. This must be such a stressful time. I hope it all works out and your DS can just focus on learning in a safe environment. You sound like a very practical and supportive DM, well done :)

I absolutely would not send him and I wouldn’t send back again until they can guarantee he’s safety. Fuck them let them take you to court.