To ask how to deal with grief?

[alfie22]

I'm totally reeling after the loss of my Nan. We were incredibly close and I'm struggling to even comprehend her death and I don't know how I'm going to move on from this.

I'm floored by the overwhelming feeling of grief and sadness. I've never lost somebody that I was so close to until now.

How do I find comfort? Is there anything I can do that would make me feel even remotely better? I'm at a loss here 😥

I’m so sorry for your loss. Time really is a healer.

There is nothing you can do except work through it. Grief comes in waves. Some days are better than others. Be kind to yourself while this is going on. I found routine helped me a lot - others can find that oppressive.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I’m so sorry, OP. All I can advise is to be easy on yourself. Allow yourself to grieve, to cry, whatever it is. Let it happen. We’ve got this strange culture where we are taught to bottle things up and be stoic, but actually, it ultimately harms us so much. Grief is natural. You lived your Nan deeply and you are mourning her loss. Keep reminding yourself this is normal. Engage in self-care when you can, whether it’s a bath, or a good nutritional meal. Try and understand and accept that this is normal and while it feels horrible and painful it’s part of a natural process. Don’t try and stunt that.

Your reaching out here is a great start. You talking about how you felt is good. Just let it come. Your comprehension of your loss will happen in increments, and grief isn’t linear. Just know you will be okay.

hugs

Oh love. It's terribly hard in the first few days and weeks, months and even years of losing someone you love. Grief is rubbish, and hits you at all kinds of inconvenient times and occasions, something will trigger a grief response. This is especially tough at night or when you're
alone. Anniversaries are hard. Birthdays, Christmas too, it all hurts.

Take one day at a time and try to talk about your feelings with someone who understands: a friend, a family member, a grief counsellor. It will get better I promise (I lost my dear daddy when I was very young) but takes time, so be kind to yourself and take things gently. Big hugs to you x

@writersblock2 I wish someone like you had said something like that to me when I needed help handling my own grief. Beautifully put x

@gokartdillydilly - thank you. I’m sorry nobody did that for you. Grief feels like such an oddity, doesn’t it? We aren’t taught how to grieve. We aren’t taught to accept death. It’s mostly hidden away from us. We’re taught that any uncomfortable feelings, any upset or pain, is wrong and bad and we should change that immediately. Sometimes we are ashamed at the strength of our own ability to grieve, and the strangeness of how it can manifest. But it’s so normal, so natural, and such a part of life.

We should lean in to grief and try not to complicate it further by trying to push it away. The strength of grief just means one thing: we loved someone that much. Someone mattered. And that’s a hugely important thing.

@writersblock2 You are so right. When my daddy died we had no idea how to behave. Strong upper lip and all that bollocks. Don't upset Mum by showing your grief.

I remember waking up in the middle of the night and wailing and wailing, and my poor boyfriend, who had never experienced anything like it, patting me and saying, 'It'll be alright'. He was so very wrong at the time - his words were very unhelpful, but his hugs were very helpful!

And here I am, and it actually has been all right, because death is a part of life, and somehow has made me stronger.

@alfie22 sorry, I hope you don't think we have hijacked your post. I hope you have someone you can talk to, who will give you a hug, and lend you an ear. Let yourself wallow in your grief, but also take time to think and speak of your dear Nan fondly, with affection and humour. It will help you heal over time x