8 months pregnant and struggling to support friend through break up

[AntisocialMonthsPregnant]

My friend has been in a relationship for five years, and they broke up last week. We were quite distant friends, didn't spend much time together bar the occasional cocktails and catch up every few months. She's struggling being alone everyday after being so used to his company and is texting me every day asking to come over or for us to hang out, I spent 5 days with her last week, I've made excuses the last 2 days but every night without fail she texts asking if she can come round tomorrow. I'm just feeling so anti social, I'm so heavily pregnant and uncomfortable and I just want to focus on myself. I can't sit in my living room making small talk and telling her 'it'll be ok' day in day out. If it was any other time I'd be more supportive but I just want to be alone!!! Am I a horrible friend?

Yanbu. It seems like you arent even close friends so why is she needing you so much. As much as she is going through alot she actually sounds so selfish. Does she not think that at 8 months pregnant it's hard for you right now. So she expects you to go to her without thinking if it's ok for you?
I would just say to her at 8 months pregnant it's a bit too much for you right now. Did she bother with you much before the breakup?

Thanks Aybeecee no not really, we'd maybe send a message every few months but she hadn't even been to my house before. She spent almost all her time with her boyfriend so don't think she has any particularly close friends, and because she knows I'm at home on maternity leave has sort of latched on to me for company. I just feel bad making excuses when I'm sat in my house alone and she's clearly struggling, but I'm finding it so hard to socialise lately and just don't feel comfortable with it

YANBU at all, she needs to bugger off. Just keep saying no, and indirectly reminding her how tough it is being 8 months pregnant and how much rest you need. Hopefully she will eventually get he message

If you can manage seeing her one day a week then I would make a plan with her for one night early next week, so she knows you’re not rejecting or ignoring her.

Then if she asks to come before that, just say “sorry, afraid I can’t do this week but really looking forward to seeing you next Tuesday” or whatever.

At 8 months pregnant you should be getting your rest but it’s nice to be there for friends going through a rough time if possible.

OP, she's really pushing boundaries here, and you're not even close friends. The only reason she's expecting this is because they've broken up, you've said it yourself!

If she gets a new partner, or gets back together with him, she'll drop you.

Why are you letting her dominate this precious time??

Will she be there for you post birth during recovery, offering support? Unlikely.

You need to get her to back off, and she's not going to volunteer to to it because taking all your time & energy is working for her.

I'll give you a warning - when you have a newborn screaming with hunger / colic / latching issues, you're healing from stitches or a section or whatever else will need to be your priority very very soon..... You will look back on this intrusion and regret ever letting her steal the last few restful weeks before the birth from you.

Take it from someone who knows!! (In my case, an overly busy body elderly neighbor who completely piss took after I tried to be a decent person and help them out with shopping and internet admin .. ended up run ragged and stressed out and forgot to put myself/our family first).

Please tell her bluntly to back off. "I need to rest & prepare for new arrival so turning off my phone for a bit. Hope all is well with you." - then block her or put her on mute or something for your sanity.

you can manage seeing her one day a week then I would make a plan with her for one night early next week, so she knows you’re not rejecting or ignoring her

Fuck that.

The OP doesn't owe someone a pity get together. She does not owe this vampire anything, if anything this friend needs to stop expecting to be accommodated at her convenience to the detriment of an 8 month pregnant woman!

Oh FGS. Pregnancy trumps everything on mumsnet! Don't people realise I'm WITH CHILD?? That's more important than anything else in the world! Your world might have completely fallen apart but can't you SEE MY WOMB???

She is not being selfish. Her relationship has ended, ffs. She gets to be pissed off about that. The world doesn't stop simply because someone else is pregnant.

BUT... OP, you have every right to chill on your own and not want to see your friend. How about a response like 'I'm really sorry you're going through shit. But I'm shattered at the moment. Let's catch up another time' when she next contacts you. And repeat.

The responses on here! The poor woman whose five year relationship has just ended. She's selfish, she's pushing boundaries, she's a vampire(!), she expects to be accommodated at her own convenience, she wants support at the 'detriment of a pregnant woman' (actually a hanging offence, I believe).

In fact, all the OP says is that they're not that close and that she's clearly struggling. The rest is hysterical extrapolation. And frankly, mean as fuck. Get out of the playground, ladies.

texting me every day asking to come over or for us to hang out, I spent 5 days with her last week

That is absolutely not a reasonable level of contact for a distant friend, it's not like a close, usually supportive best friend needs the OP. That's the key context here which feeds into my vampire comment.