Is home schooling a good or bad idea?

[Afternooninthepark]

My (almost) 14 year old dd has suffered from anxiety, depression and school anxiety since the age of around 7.
He didn’t transition very well at all going over to secondary school but after a hellish first year and some great counselling last year, he turned a corner and had been better the last few months. However, his anxiety has returned and has not been helped by an incident with some older kids which has sent him back to square one.
For context the school isn’t great one (although they are supposedly trying to make it better) the latest Ofsted report was inadequate in most areas and it is now in special measures, ds says he doesn’t always feel happy or safe there (although that may be his anxiety talking)
In the past he has often asked to be home educated and is pleading with me again.
I don’t know what to do or what I think of home education as I have no experience in this at all and know no home ed children.
Is there anyone with experience of this?
Is home education a good idea? Do most home Ed kids grow into well rounded individuals? How do you get over the social aspect of not mixing with many people etc? What about parents working etc, would you have to be a SAHP to home Ed?
AIBU to even consider it?

We did it for eldest due to health issues (physical and mental health). It worked out fine and we wish we had done it sooner tbh

You have to be commited though and although you have no obligation to let the LA come to visit we found that they were actually really helpful and supportive

Oh and the school is about number 9 in the worst ranked schools in our county.
There aren’t too many good schools around (apart from private ones which I can’t afford) and those that are good have long waiting lists for those outside the immediate area and even if we were lucky to get in ds says he doesn’t want to change to a different school with no one he knows there!

Thanks amicable, this is my dilemma, I keep thinking what if it really helps him and he thrives from it, I would too wish I had done it earlier.
Can I ask, was it yourself who home educated? Were you a SAHM? I work but very part time so I suppose it is doable for me but I also have a dd so not sure what what happen there?

Could you afford to move to an area with a school that might be better suited to DS? Honestly his school does sound quite bad and might be making everything worse. If not I would probably look into home ed. Make connections with the local home ed community. Look into how you would provide education - particularly to enable him to pass GCSEs in maths and English.

Yes I’m a sahm but had a newborn and dd left at the beginning Of year 11 so was intense
We got her a 1 hour a week English tutor session and I did the rest.
Socially she didn’t want to do anything (was unwell and add so we concentrated on GCSEs) we had to pay privately though for them it was a lot (approx £150 per exam 😳)

Is there no other school he could move to? I wouldn’t send my DC to one deemed inadequate, it’s inadequate for a reason. My secondary school was and is still today, it’s been in special measures for years. I never felt safe there so I completely understand why your DS feels that way in an inadequate school. It’s like sending a lamb to the slaughter tbh. He’s clearly struggling.

I’d find another school before considering home schooling at this stage. His GCSEs are coming up, would you pay for home tutors or try to get him to GCSE standard yourself? What’s your educational background?

I am definitely considering home schooling purely because of the sheer amount of stress put on kids in school these days. I'd say go for it if there are issues with school. As long as kids have access to social activities with friends then there shouldn't be any worries about them feeling isolated or not developing social skills etc.

Could he get/ does he have an EHCP, as it sounds as if he could get priority placement at a better/safer school given his MH issues

If your school is truly that bad, and you are a really committed and well-educated person yourself then your child could be better off.

I haven't had experience with home schooling but I am a teacher and I used to work in a very deprived town in the North, usually you find that academically, students who are naturally bright and motivated will do well regardless of their surroundings, its the friendship groups that they can associate with that is more troubling

I have seen the shyest and nicest students become influenced and get involved in gangs, fighting, drugs etc etc through the people they meet in school. Put yourself in DS shoes, if you were being bullied by older kids you would be absolutely petrified to even walk through the school gates, petrified of walking down the corridors or on the play ground. I was bullied when I was younger and it consumed my entire life for a year. When you are that age it is the worst thing in the world to ever happen and you can't see how it can improve.

I think academically you will be fine- it's a tough ask and you are taking on a full time job. My only concern would be that DS may end up becoming isolated and have no friends?

You sound like a wonderful parent OP for even considering it x

Home Ed (not home schooling - sort of different :-) ) can work very well if you are prepared for it. It is really worth investigating to see if it could work for you. That said, there is a real problem at the moment in the community as there looks to be a sort of split forming... Those who have chose Home Ed as a choice for them and their kids, and those who have been effectively "forced" into it by schools who want to off-role "challenging" (i.e. any non-square pegs for whom school does not work) so they can make their numbers better.

Home ed can be absolutely wonderful - for example, a once a term trip to look at a Tudor house as part of History for a school child becomes just another Tuesday for a Home Ed family. Likewise, for those used to the current schooling system and expecting a lot of support, it can be a nightmare. Example:- Home Ed people have to pay for all the exams their children take. There is (normally) no support or money from the local council to pay for exams, and they can become quite expensive.

My advice - do some research and see if it works for you. School can and does work for the vast majority, but for some square pegs, those round holes are never going to change, and the usual school solution is to simply (figuratively) keep hitting the peg until it sort of fits in.

Oh - and those who tell you that you can't teach because "you don't have any qualifications to teach your child", point out that many class room assistants and some teachers in Academies do not have anything like a BA or BSC these days....

Remember:- the person responsible for seeing your child is educated is you, NOT the school. YOU have the legal requirement to see your child is educated, up to you how it is done - just that most do it via school.

Good luck

There are "teacher staffrooms" on Facebook, you could search specific subjects e.g. GCSE English Language and see if any groups pop up. Also join TES, there are loads of resources on there that can help you out too. #Edutwitter #educhat on Twitter and searching key words on Instagram can come up with some resources too

The thing about home schooling is that there is almost no point asking about 'average' or 'usual' outcomes, because every home school family is so different. What everyone else does or achieves has no real bearing on how it could work for you and your son.

You can definitely do it. There are a lot of resources to help and there may be other local homeschooling families who can also help in different ways, including the social aspects. But also clubs and other out of school activities.

With a 14yo I wouldn't say you have to be a SAHM, though you probably don't want to be working full-time, especially if there's only one of you. But it also depends on your son, how self-motivated he is and how much he'll need someone keeping him on track. If there are two parents, I think it works well for you both to be involved in the education, taking responsibility for different subjects, for instance.

It can feel daunting, but also, I think it's worth remembering how slow school education is. It's okay, even starting at 14, for it to take a while to work out how to make home education work for you.

Thank you, everyone, for your input. This is a whole new world of which I have no knowledge of.
I am jotting down all of our options tbh. Ideally, I would love to place both my children (dd is 11 and due to start the same secondary school in September, although, thankfully, she doesn’t suffer from the same anxiety issues as her db), in another school but the stumbling blocks I have is simply ds is against this saying he doesn’t want to start somewhere at this late stage where everyone has made their friendship groups, which, I suppose is a realistic scenario as I know older kids can be funny with newbies and maybe fine if you are outgoing and without anxiety issues. The other issue is that the other local schools (the ones which are good) are full and apparently a nightmare to try to get into if you don’t live nearby. I can’t move out of the area a) because dh doesn’t want to and b) my mum has Alzheimer’s and dad doesn’t handle it well, so I have to pop in on them most days (they live in the same village).
TBH, I do warm to the idea of home ed as I, myself suffer anxiety and hated every minute of secondary school so totally understand ds and am fairly confident he would thrive BUT I just don’t know how committed I can realistically/physically be with a part time job (albeit only 14 hours per week, but it does help financially so can’t really give it up) and elderly and unwell parents who need me??!! DH wouldn’t be able to help as he works full time.
I will look into this a lot more and see what we come up with. I have joined a couple of Facebook home ed groups to see what they have to offer, advice wise.

As others have said, at 14, there are the issues of exams and socially, in home education groups, in my experience and talking with other home educating parents, there tends to be fewer teens as many who have been home educated are heading into schools and even fewer teen boys tend to come to meet-ups and making any sort of contact there will require on-going active work.

It can be done, though whether you'll need someone in while you're working depends on your teenager. Mine is quite capable of doing much of his work independently, but that's after years of it becoming habits and him being fairly compliant. Even then, I spend a lot of time discussing and correct his work and planning upcoming work based on that.

While I can see he doesn't want to start at a new secondary school, I would recommend looking into any nearby colleges to see if they have anything for home educated kids if not available for your DS now, then in the near future. My closest one has courses from Year 10 doing basic GCSEs and a vocational course (my teen is starting this in September) and has a similar course for older teens of GCSEs, a bigger college in my closest city has courses from Y9. I would ask in a local HE group as they can be hard to find on some college's websites. Some colleges have resources for anxiety and related issues, and while all the ones I know are part-time so you would need to help him cover other material, it would give greater structure & support and help cover the concerns about qualifications & other academic needs, and help reduce the risk of further isolated which is a major risk, especially for home educated teen boys.