Would this cause you concern?

[Marriedtomyjob]

Partner mentions they are having to stay late for work drinks one night in the week.

You then see emails from your partners work email account arranging when and where to meet. It’s clear from the context it’s only your partner and one other person, and the other person doesn’t work for your partners organisation (although obviously does work in the same sector). No one else is going - there was supposed to be a third person but emails show they dropped out, but drink still going ahead. Your partner is heterosexual and the person they are meeting is the opposite gender. You don’t recall them mentioning this person before.

Would this give you pause? Would you wonder why your partner hadn’t explained it was a drink with one other person? Are you happy for your partner to meet non-colleagues for drinks on a one on one basis? Would you expect them to tell you that’s what they were doing first?

This would concern me. My ex would go for drinks with women of the opposite sex that he worked with. As far as I know it was simply as friends/colleagues but he always told me that it was just him and another person. It never bothered me. If he disguised it as 'work drinks' it would bother me.

How did you get on to his work emails?

Is he still out?

You read his/her work emails?

Stalker?

I’m neither of the parties involved in this. The person who read the emails had been asked to look in their partner’s work emails for a booking reference saved in their inbox and saw these ones while doing so.

(I am asking because I have been asked for my view on what is reasonable from one of the parties and I am canvassing opinion)

The person who read the emails had been asked to look in their partner’s work emails for a booking reference saved in their inbox and saw these ones while doing so.

Still would've had to open the emails and read them. That's out of order. To be honest the fact that someone else was going, but cancelled makes me think there's nothing in it.

no, not happy. I would be highly suspiscious

I'd ask, "are you still out for drinks this week? Who's going" and see if he tells the truth.
If he lies then yep I'd be slightly concerned however to be fair it does sound like it was work related drinks and then the other person dropped out, not his fault, he hasn't arranged this just with her. And he may now lie because he knows you'd be a bit weirded out by it just being him and this woman. It wasn't an arrangement to meet a woman so I don't think I'd be that bothered.
Were you checking because you doubted him?

I agree with bubbles.

No issues at all. There was supposed to be another colleague but they dropped out. Why is the person concerned suspicious?

Who was the other person that dropped out, a colleague?I would think as he’s arranged it from his work email, that it is work related.
New potential employee?

Think about it. If there was something going on would they have been going as three of them initially? If I was having an affair or doing something I shouldn't be I wouldn't invite a third person along as a witness.

Whoever read the emails shouldn't have. I think that's the worse crime here.

Just my opinion.

I realise I've changed my mind but thinking about it I don't think it's a big deal.

I’ve been asked by the person who found the emails. He is concerned about what he saw (he claims very innocently - apparently he saw the content on the reading pane and didn’t even open the email. May or may not be true.)

He hasn’t raised it with his partner but asked me for my view on whether he has reason to be concerned.

I’ve said if he didn’t have cause to be suspicious before, he doesn’t now. The fact that it was organised from a work account and his partner told him to look at that account for something suggests to me it’s totally innocent (though I don’t know why she didn’t just describe it as it is).

I’ve asked him if he has any other reason to suspect she isn’t totally faithful but he hasn’t come back to me yet.

What? No? I wouldn't be at all suspicious! I'd assume the partner who found the emails (partner A) was a bit difficult (didn't like partner B going out/would be likely to be grumpy about it/etc) and partner B, who wrote the emails, thought it would be a bit easier to make out that these were compulsory work drinks rather than just an optional meeting. This is very bizarre. So the emails are between two heterosexual men, and partner A is suspicious that there might be something going on?

I'd be concerned about partner A - very controlling and bizarre to be reading private work emails and to be suspicious about something which is such a non-event! I'd assume Partner A had something else going on or some problems with control. I'd feel sorry for Partner B.

Wait - so partner B is a woman?

Still wouldn't be concerned.

Can see why partner B might not be totally honest with partner A about going out for drinks with a male colleague/person who works in the same field as her. Partner A does sound very odd. Maybe partner B doesn't feel that she can be honest with partner A ! Maybe she knew he'd react weirdly and be suspicious and it was easier for her to slightly bend the truth.

There's no excuse to be reading private emails - yeah right he didn't even open it! He'd not be able to see enough to be suspicious if not - an unopened email normally only shows a few words, less than a whole sentence! Still feeling sorry for Partner B here.

Just sounds like networking / BD drinks. It's totally normal to do that with a member of the opposite sex, even if it's one on one. The fact that there was a third who dropped out just makes it even more innocent. The person checking sounds controlling.

It was and still is work drinks. Someone dropped out.

No way did the person get this information for just reading the panes.

Even if they did, they still read them.

The other person should no have asked her partner to look in her work email.

But the fact that they did ask, knowing those emails are there surely says, they arent bothered if they know. If I was hoding a potential affair from dp and the evidence was in my work email, no way would I ask him to look in there. Theres a perfectly valid reason to not let your partner look at your work emails. If the woman was chatting or setting it up, it woildnt be unusual to say "no you cant look as it's a data breech"

I would ask him to look in them anyway. As I am breaching my work rules.

I depends on lots of things. I occasionally go out for drinks with guys who I used to work with but who have now left. No big deal, we're just mates. I probably wouldn't describe them as "work drinks" though - I'd say "I'm going for drinks with Bob who I worked with in the Nottingham office" or whatever. The fact that there was supposed to be a third drinker is positive too. Is the partner involved in recruitment? Or is it the sort of industry that involves a lot of networking etc? It doesn't sound awful to me.

I'd be concerned that he hadn't been completely honest.

I'd be concerned that he hadn't been completely honest.

Where havent they been honest?

I'd be annoyed, my dh once said he was going for leaving drinks, fine no problem. Later it transpired it was him and one woman and she was only going on holiday 🙄
I made it extremely clear I was unimpressed and he's never done it again!

God so many jealous insecure people on here. It's so sad.

No, op. It wouldn't bother me, and I often have drinks one on one with members of the opposite sex who I know through work. Not fancied one of them yet, never mind shagged then,

Men and women can have a drink together and do so not for shagging purposes.

Work drinks can meet networking, doesn't have to be direct colleague.
There was supposed to be a third person.

They are only suspicious because they already doubted her enough to read her emails. You don't get that much detail just from the previews.