To be upset that my dad doesn't know what age I am

[haircutneeded]

I haven't seen my dad since last year, as he hasn't treated me very well and I don't want to see him while I go to counselling to work through my feelings. I don't think he's aware of how I feel towards him, nor is he aware that I think he hasn't treated me well. My parents divorced when I was at primary school. He sent me a birthday card, and I have just opened it. I am 20, but he has sent me a "happy 21st birthday" card. I just think that he could have made the effort to remember what year I was born. It just goes to show the extent of his absence in my life.

Oh that's just shit! Send him a card next year but pad on five or ten years! (I'm just petty but it's just desserts)

Happy 20th birthday! I’m sorry your Dad isn’t what you want or need. Hope you can find good things in your life, he’s certainly lost out big time. X

I have no idea how old my DCs are. I have to work it out from their birth years every time.

I got my mums age wrong once. Thought it was the big 50 and she was only 49. Obviously we have no huge back history and it was just an error, but even with history, it could just have been a mistake.

I'm sorry he isn't what he should be though

I get my own age wrong sometimes

It's pretty bloody important to know when your child gets to 21!

Was there a big cheque or present to go with that card, or just a card for your '21st'? Send it back with a note that next year is the big one so it gives him a chance to save up!

Or do yourself a favour and surround yourself with people who do Carr about you.

Hmm... obviously there is a lot of context as to why you feel sad about it. But without the context it sounds like a forgivable mistake. I'm very close to my mum - the year I moved away for uni she sent me a card with "Happy 19" which she'd just crossed out and written (defaced) "20" next to it. I just laughed about it as it's typical of my mum to be a bit of a ditz. I more focused on the fact that she had tried to do something nice in sending me a b day card. It was the gesture - not the failed birthday memory that I thought about. Even though I did think at the time it's a good thing I don't take these sort of things personally as I definitely could have seen it as a lack of care.

I think with that view, it is crap, but your dad was trying. Yes he failed to remember your proper age, but he tried to send you a card to make you happy. I'd try to focus on that and maybe when you guys get closer - one day you can laugh about it.

My dad is clueless as well, no idea how old I am, what I studied at university, whether I have a middle name and what it is...

Just useless.

Happy birthday! I’m sorry your dad hasn’t been what you want or need him to be.

It doesn’t necessarily indicate a lack of caring. Every year growing up we celebrated my birthday on the 20th. It’s actually the 23rd. The date on my birth certificate is the 23rd. But my mum genuinely thought it was the 20th! Not through lack of caring, she’s a lovely mum, she just got a bit confused, and everyone went along with it!

Send it back to him with a note saying "Perhaps you could keep it until next year, Idiot."

Life is too short to be getting upset over things like this. Can you remind him a few days before your birthday? Simple solution really.

Ok so my dad is a lot older but he has to be told how old we are..

A year or so back instead of a card, he sent me a school photo... of my younger sister.

He either didn't realise it wasn't me in the picture or, thought it was her birthday... I just ignored it, it wasn't done intentionally and he had tried.

In my case theres little chance of my dad changing now, he is 79 this year and his brain is struggling now, but tbh ive had no chance of changing who he is for the last 30 years! To try now would be stressful for all and would achieve nothing.

"Life is too short to be getting upset over things like this."

I think your dad not giving a shit about you is plenty to get upset about tbh.

I was 36 for three years. I was never 35 or 37. I accidentally skipped 35 and was half way through 36 before I realized. Then I forgot and thought my birthday meant I was 36 really (when I was turning 37.) If I can’t figure it out. I can’t get too excited about others. I also get my children’s ages wrong. I thought dd2 was 16 already but she isn’t.
Doesn’t mean they aren’t my world.
If he’s treating you badly, then that’s a different thing. The card? He was trying to do the right thing.

This year I thought I was a year older than I was on my birthday. My husband was rolling his eyes when he let me know I was actually a year ahead of schedule. So that alone isn't so bad. But if you feel in your heart that Dad doesn't care, that DOES matter.

Happy 20th Birthday @haircutneeded and I'm sorry your dad and you haven't had a good relationship. Of course you're upset by his thoughtlessness.

I do agree with all the PPs who are saying that they can't remember their DC ages (or their own) though. I've got four DC and I struggle to remember when their birthdays are nowadays.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't feel very disappointed and angry when you think about your relationship with your dad, though. That sort of thing is hard to come to terms with.

You have obviously had a poor relationship with your father but to be honest I think my OH would struggle with the ages of our two and my late father was the same, is it a male thing?