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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

or is DP?

4 replies

SchrodingersTwatt · 18/06/2019 16:42

So as not to drip feed, I have some kind of joint problem awaiting diagnosis (two different doctors initially diagnosed two different things and blood tests inconclusive, so having more tests at the moment). I am in a low level of pain all the time, escalating to extreme in poor weather, sitting down for any length of time in crap seats (cinema, theatre, flights, trains etc), and need a LOT of sleep. I started tracking my sleep with a fitbit and noticed almost straight away that there is a correlation between my depressive episodes, poor mental health, and lack of sleep. I function best on 8 hours sleep, will settle for 7. I know those of you with newborns will probably be rolling your eyes at this thread and I'm sorry!

Yesterday I ended up having a row with my DP about nothing (DP hadn't unpacked a suitcase from being away and I'd already put the washing on), and it finished with me sitting on the floor of the dining room sobbing. I wasn't brilliant, we both shouted at each other, and I honestly don't remember who started it. We very rarely fight, but we are quite a bit lately over nothing. We went to bed barely speaking and it was unbearably tense this morning. I made DP breakfast in bed before work and got a tight 'thankyou' muttered in response.

I tried to make amends this morning before we both went to work and explained that I have had 4-5 hours sleep every night for the last couple of months and I feel like I'm having a physical and mental breakdown. DP told me 'that's not an excuse to be mental' and that they 'manage on less'. I tried to explain that because of my joints and whatever else it is, my body physically works harder than normal to manage pain, day to day activities, etc, and also, we're all different and all need different amounts of sleep? I've said I'll be going to bed at 9pm for a week or so to catch up and DP huffed because we won't get any quality time together after work. AIBU to just want 7 or 8 hours sleep a night and not to be made to feel like a twat for asking for some understanding?

OP posts:
SchrodingersTwatt · 18/06/2019 16:43

Should have added, we have been together for a few years so the fact that I need a lot of sleep and am a bit broken is no surprise!

OP posts:
mbosnz · 18/06/2019 16:45

You don't sound unreasonable to me.

Constant pain is incredibly wearing, and very tiring. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.

You need to look after your physical health to help your mental health, and DP should be supportive of that.

newmomof1 · 18/06/2019 17:13

Constantly being in pain/uncomfortable is exhausting - you're not being unreasonable for doing something you know will help improve your comfort and mood.

Quality time isn't quality time if you're just snapping at each other anyway!

Graphista · 18/06/2019 18:15

Dd and I both have chronic pain conditions it is exhausting.

We also both suffer mental illness, me significantly so and that is also exhausting.

"No excuse for a breakdown" well where did he get his medical degree?

It's actually the perfect excuse, there is a reason sleep deprivation is a well known and widely used torture technique that even special forces people recognise as the most difficult to prepare for and fight against.

He was being an arse!

What is he doing to support you at this difficult time? Are you still working?

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