New Mum... words of encouragement.

[NeedMoreWine81]

Hi All,

I am 27 and married a man who is now 39 (we've been together 6 years now).

All his friends are in their late 30s and most of the women starting having their babies at 35+.

I have found a number of them being very judgmental and calling me a 'young mum'. Especially my husbands, brothers wife... she had her first at 35.

I am about to have our first baby and wish she stop making comments that 'she was having so much fun in her 20's she'd never of had a baby'. She was single until she was 31!

Just getting me down... I didn't think starting a family at 27 was considered young???? AIBU to think these comments are unfair?

Average age for primagravidae is increasing, it's a thing. Statistically you are (I think) younger than average. If you're happy with your life and your decisions then what other people think doesn't matter.

I had my daughter when I was 35.... I wish I had done it when i was 27!

Everyone is different :) and 27 isn’t old, it isn’t young - it’s just the right age for you to have your baby. X

(Sod what anyone else says, she’s probably jel no one wanted her earlier ;) )

People make comments like that because the grass is always greener for them, they spend their lives jealous of other people!

I’ve had the opposite from my SIL, asking why I didn’t start a family when she did. She’s jealous every time I do something she can’t.

You have to do what’s right for you and, no, 27 isn’t too young to have children, she’s being ridiculous.

Weird; I just said a similar thing on another thread thus:

If you’re London/Home Counties middle class yes you are young.

Outside this demographic you’re not THAT young.

Ignore them. I wish I’d been fortunate enough to be married to the right guy and starting a family at 27, (which is why these comments are probably motivated by mild jealousy).

congrats OP!

When I think of a "young mum" I'd picture someone under 21, "young ish" would be under 25. 25 to 35 average age and over 35 "slightly older mum". I dont consider any of those ages strange or wrong or not okay it's just the terms I'd give for the age. Your husbands friend seem is the strange one for feeling like she has the need to make any comment to you x

Your not young your a great age. Old enough to have lived a bit and young enough so that the sleepless nights don’t leave you looking 50 😁. If 27 is the right age for you then everyone else should keep their comments to themselves. It’s a big congratulations from me 💐 👶

The average age to have a child at the moment in the UK is 28, so you’re currently in the circle of ‘average’.

I’d retort with ‘well I didn’t really want to be a ‘geriatric mother’ as I believe the technical term is. Who wants a teenager in their 50’s? I’d not have the energy for it....’. It’s rude, but sometimes that’s the only way to deal with initial rudeness (no, do not ask ‘did you mean to be so rude’, that is an absolutely ridiculous thing to say regardless of what MN thinks).

I was 28 when I had my first baby and had my last one at 35. It was so much easier at 28! If they say they were living their life in their 20s remind them that your children will be grown up when you are in your 40s and you can live your own life again.

I know it's not easy, but I would ignore their comments. It's your life not theirs and as long as you and dh are happy, that's all that matters.

For all intents and purposes (is that right? It looks wrong put down) you're a pretty average age mother. I'd say the only thing that may effect that would be location, they may be 'the norm' if you're London way, and that would class you as young, just for that demographic.

If it helps I'm 28 and dc1 is due in a few weeks, at my antenatal classes I'm average, but compared to my friends, I'm older as they started at 23/25ish.

I think statistically it's young, in the sense that average age for a first time mum in the UK is now over 30 (I believe, may be incorrect).
It's hardly a teen pregnancy though. I was 29 with my first and although I didn't feel like a 'young mum' it was before the majority of my friends started having children.

I wouldn't take what she saying as insulting, her situation meant she wasn't interested in having kids in her 20s and yours does- nothing wrong with either!

I would say you're young but not too young, if that makes sense.

I would say that they're probably slightly forgetting how old they are and thus how old you are, if that makes sense. I had DC 1 at 34, and the same week a girl I used to babysit had a little boy. I definitely thought of her as a young mum and assumed the baby was a bit of a surprise. Then I realised that at most she's about 7 years younger than me and thus far from a controversial age to have a baby. I think I just haven't quite realised that I'm old enough for people ten years younger than me to be fully functioning adults.

Thank you everyone - really appreciate the comments and feel much better now. Comments like 'you ARE SO young though' but 'you have your whole life ahead of you - didn't you want to wait?' make me feel like there is an underlying tone... does anyone have any witty remarks (without being rude) that I can say back when I get these awful comments? They make me feel so shit!

I have always wanted to be a Mummy and I am so excited! My husband is 39 and didn't want to wait any longer either... settled, married and have a home with two established businesses. Not sure why people need to be so judgmental.

Imagine if I said to my SIL, who is 38 and expecting baby number 2 - 'wow, you are really old - didn't you want them sooner?' :( I would NEVER in a million years be so outspoken to anyone. How hurtful would that be?

Next time someone makes a comment just say that you dont want to be in your fifties when they are teenagers.

Probs envious deep down. I'm a newish mam at 34 and think I would have found it much easier with a bit more youth on my side.

Just ignore it nothing to do with anyone else.

I'm 23 and just had my first baby. OH is 34 and we've been together for 6 years.
I thought young moms were people from 16-21 🤷‍♀️

I think 27 is a really good age and obviously with OH being older, I can't imagine he would want to leave it much longer or they'd all be telling him he's too old for children.

People like that always have irrelevant opinions - don't let them bother you.

I had my kids when I was 21,22 and 24. I’m 54 now. I have 3 grandkids and I’m knackered at the end of the day when I look after them god knows what I would be like if I was 10 years older.

Had my first when i was 26.....would have had them sooner but went travelling.
Nobody ever made any comment about my age-i was one of the oldest on the ward when ds was born!!!

This is weird. I don't think it's young at all, certainly not enough to comment on.
I was pregnant with my first at 28. Felt fairly old at times if anything! I'm now 32 and pregnant with second. Cut off for me if 35, I can't be arsed with it after that! I want to get a good bit of life back after babies while I've still got the energy for it! It's a totally personal choice isn't it!

didn't want to wait any longer either... settled, married and have a home with two established businesses

[God, it’s comments like this from the OP that make me wish I’d had higher standards and fewer beers when I was her age]

Again OP, you’re sorted and at an incredibly advantageous age too. It’s jealousy. Rise above.

When I was younger, I thought my mum was ‘old’ for having her first child at 27, but I had my first at 27 too :) My partner and I were significantly younger than everyone in the Nct group (two mums were 40+, the rest mid to late thirties) which weirded me out at the time as I thought I’d be the oldest there. I am now 34 and pregnant with my third, due at the same time as one of my students who is about to turn 16; my brother had his first at 17 and second at 31... I guess this is my long-winded way of saying that you choose the time that is right for you, and sod everyone else. There are occasional days I wish I had started younger (career-wise, though, it hasn’t stopped me from achieving) but I have as many where I wish I started older! Laugh the comments off and enjoy your new baby when the time comes 😁

It's younger than I was (30) but it isn't that young. Plenty of people have babies much younger than that. I certainly wouldn't say to a 27yr old they were young to be having their 1st baby! My sister had hers age 26 by choice, was married and had career established and nothing else to wait for really. Now she is 32, has a 6 yr old and 3 yr old and is managing to go on nights out again!

Depending on how rude they are in the first place my replies range from "oh well theres the right time for everyone" to "god I'd hate to be an old mum, when I'm in my 40s I can enjoy lovely holidays whilst you do the school run (patronising laugh)" I was 23 when I had DD and I'll be 27 by the time DC2 comes. I am considered young in my area but that doesnt make it wrong, or anyones business.

1. It is none of their * business.
2. Having children in late teens or early twenties is biologically the best time, from the point of view of ease of conception and health of baby - so you are a bit late really!
3. This is just a passing fad - when first I worked in adoption (a long time ago!!) no-one over 30 was accepted as prospective parents by adoption agencies!

Enjoy your baby! You will be young and fit enough to have fun with the child; and there will be plenty of time to enjoy other things when your children have flown the nest and you are still young and fit.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

What the hell? In Liverpool 27 is practically geriatric! 😂