To not have a wedding reception..

[Helpwooof]

My DH to be and I are going away this year to get married with our parents

We have booked to have a wedding reception soon after in a lovely hotel in our city and have paid quite a lot of money so far for this.

Recently we have found out family members (partners family) are speaking behind our backs about how we are selfish going away to get married and not inviting any family other than parents. There are about 4-5 close family members who have this problem and we feel like cancelling our reception and booking a holiday away with our children instead.

I’m gutted for my own family however I will try and arrange something like a BBQ and have everyone on my side of the family there.

I would hate to pay a lot of money for a reception for people to be there who have been speaking badly about us and our plans.. with alcohol involved I’m afraid something would be said.

AIBU?

I will never understand why people feel they have the right to comment on other people's choices. Especially around weddings, why can't people be happy that you're doing what you want?

Have the wedding you want, and have a fantastic time.

Personally I wouldn't cancel the reception just because of this small number, there are a lot of other people looking forward to that evening. I would tell them they have an open invitation to not attend...

I can well understand why would-be wedding guests get annoyed at rude expectations from brides and grooms, such as guests required to cool their heels for five hours while the important guests are fed then come back for the evening reception, or sending out twee little rhymes asking for money, or demanding that bridesmaids desist from getting pregnant or married themselves until Bride 1's nuptials are over. And that's not to mention different menus for different sexes :)

But couples marrying the way they want to, in the form of wedding they prefer, no. YANBU, and I'd recommend the holiday idea IF that is what you want, as its the one thing you have control over and you can guarantee they won't be able to spoil.

We did exactly this, and I don't regret it for a second. I can wholeheartedly recommend having the wedding you want, and expelling every hint of negativity from your important day. Hope you thoroughly enjoy it. Congratulations!

Weddings are about community coming to gether to wish the couple well. TBH, I think destination weddings are pretty rude - especially if you are hosting a shingdig when you get back and are expecting all the congratulations and presents . If you want to slope off and do it your way, then that is your absolute right, but dont expect everyone to think it's a brilliant idea then gather round after without feeling affronted that they have been excluded from the most important part.. People like weddings, it's a feel good factor thing.

I agree with MyOpinionisValid TBH .While of course the wedding is between the two of you .The family like to feel part of the celebrations too.I think 4 or 5 family members per side would not be excessive ,and would ease you both into married life quite easily.The last thing you want is bad feeling from the in laws!.If money is a concern then perhaps your parents, and Fiancees parents could chip in?.

It is not clear exactly how many people you are inviting and who is doing the ‘gossiping’. We had a very small wedding ‘reception’ (lunch) just my parents, MIL, one sibling and one friend. Four siblings weren’t included, no one said anything (to our face at least ) it was a bit of a non issue, of course we did not expect gifts, congratulations or anything. And we got nothing - hasn’t seemed to affect our relationship with our siblings & we are still together after 30 years.

Tbh, I wouldn't be thrilled by an invitation to a party to celebrate a wedding I wasn't invited to. I think it's okay to have a small wedding if that's what you want, but I also feel like having a party at a later date is rubbing people's noses in it that they weren't at the wedding.

So in your situation, I would cancel the reception.

Ok to have a party to celebrate a distant wedding as long as:
Make it very clear that you are not inviting them to a wedding, it is not a wedding reception, it is a party.
Casual dress
All expenses met- including all food and drink, accommodation if that is required.
No expectation of any gifts (if you get some then great)

A wedding reception is by definition a social event where you receive and thank your guests for attending your wedding ceremony. You can't really have one if you dont invite people to the ceremony but then they aren't a requirement and it's perfectly fine to get married without guests or a reception.

I shouldn’t have called it a wedding reception, it’s just a party and that’s what we have been calling it. I must have been getting carried away in the thread

It wouldn’t be 4-5 people from each side as our families are so big. If we were to invite aunts and uncles then we would have at least 20 extra people coming, this is why we want to keep it small and intimate with ourselves and our parents.

I don’t know how we would be rubbing people’s noses in it if it’s just the parents who will be attending the wedding. It’s not as if we would be inviting certain aunts/cousins etc and not the others..