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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to consider this as 21st bday present?

27 replies

21stbirthdayquestion · 18/06/2019 12:29

My eldest is 21 later this year.

I've been trying to think what to get him for a while. He is adamant he didn't want a big party (didn't have one for his 18th either, nor did he go to his school Prom). He works and has bought (well, PCP'd) his own car already. He has a newish Iphone, and a nice watch that his dad got him a couple of years ago.

So I am struggling to know what to buy him for his 21st or how to celebrate it...

He is mad on football and has supported his team since he was 4. He's done the stadium tour a couple of times, and been to the odd match. I can't get him a season ticket as there is a 10yr waiting list Hmm BUT I could get him a hospitality box for a match a couple of weeks before his birthday. For 10 people, including food and drink it would cost £1,750. Now I know that is a LOT of money. But a party could cost nearly as much especially if I was hiring a venue and providing food and drink.

My thought is I can afford it, well it will come out of savings but as would whatever I did for his birthday, plus it is a one off. His younger brother wants to go to Japan for his 21st (3 years time) so I'm sure that will cost at least as much.

Would you do this? Or should I just take him to dinner with me and his brother, and buy him a more 'lasting' present of some kind?

OP posts:
namechanged4u · 18/06/2019 12:31

If you can afford it and want to, then do it. It would be an amazing experience for you son I'm sure.

justbeniceplease · 18/06/2019 12:31

Yes it sounds like a great present

AwkwardPaws27 · 18/06/2019 12:32

I'd help him open a Help to Buy ISA and put the money in that (or at least ask him which option he'd prefer).

optimisticpessimist01 · 18/06/2019 12:32

If you can afford it then go for it

I prefer "doing stuff" for my bigger birthdays (holidays, trips, events etc) rather than getting a tangible gift, I'd rather have the memories

That sounds like a wonderful gift OP.

Adas18 · 18/06/2019 12:32

Sounds like a great gift. Have you asked him what he would like though?

WishUponAStar88 · 18/06/2019 12:36

Sounds like an amazing present and a memory to have forever!

Beebeezed · 18/06/2019 12:37

Sounds perfect!

FinallyHere · 18/06/2019 12:37

Another voice to say it sounds amazing, for someone who wanted it.

I hope you decide to ask him what he wants, and run the ideas you have gathered past him to give him an idea of your budget.

Being consulted and able to choose birthday presents was a big milestone in my life and made me feel much more adult than any actual number.

Original poster
21stbirthdayquestion · 18/06/2019 12:38

I'm going to ask him before I book it as I'd need him to check the dates were ok with him and his friends (don't want to book it and find out only 5 of them are available!)

I have never heard of a help to buy ISA (I think I live in a bubble sometimes!) but having looked at it I will try and get DS to put some money in that too, he currently gives me £150 a month rent, but I might get him to set up one of these and put the money in that (as I get him to pay me more so he understands no one lives rent free)

OP posts:
KC225 · 18/06/2019 12:40

Sounds like the perfect big ticket birthday present - a tad extravagant but totally memorable.

justbeniceplease · 18/06/2019 12:45

I'm not a fan of giving money for savings as a gift. It seems so controlling. 'I will spend X on your birthday but only if you keep it for Y'

Nah, spend the cash on an wonderful experience for sure.

BlueMerchant · 18/06/2019 12:48

Sounds amazing.

optimisticpessimist01 · 18/06/2019 12:50

Just so you are aware, you cannot use a help-to-buy ISA on the exchange deposit for a house. It comes off the total value of the mortgage instead. If you're looking at helping with a deposit then a Lifetime ISA is worth looking at, I know a lot of people that are switching from help-to-buy to a lifetime one

However, I think the hospitality package would make a better birthday present personally!

TripleASays · 18/06/2019 12:51

Sounds like a lovely gift!

Shesontome · 18/06/2019 12:53

I agree the box package sounds like a fabulous present and one he will remember always. The

Fevertree · 18/06/2019 12:53

Absolutely get the hospitality box. It's brilliant! I hope he loves it

WhiteLightTrainWreck · 18/06/2019 12:54

That is a brilliant idea!!
I think experiences and day trips can be better than gifts in some situations.

JaceLancs · 18/06/2019 13:02

If it’s what he wants and you can afford it why not
I paid for a holiday for each of my DC 21st birthdays (£600 ish)
Keepsake gift for 18th DS watch DD bespoke diamond bangle set

gabsdot45 · 18/06/2019 13:20

That's a brilliant gift.
I'm sure he'll love it.

Yabbers · 18/06/2019 13:22

Sounds fabulous. I’m sure he and his friends will love it.

Just make sure he realises there’s a certain expectation of behaviour. OH had had experience at work of young lads who treat it as if it were a night out on the piss and have then been banned from the stadium.

crosstalk · 18/06/2019 13:24

OP If it's a lot of money and comes out of savings, don't do it. You are subbing 9 friends of his who he probably won't be close friends with in 10 years time. Why not put some money into an ISA (he'll thank you for it when he's 30) and rent a cottage for a weekend somewhere with swimming/surfing etc?

AwkwardPaws27 · 18/06/2019 13:36

you cannot use a help-to-buy ISA on the exchange deposit for a house

You can use the money you have saved - what you can't use is the bonus payment from the government. So if you saved £12k, you can use that for your deposit at exchange, but the £3k from the government isn't released until completion.

7yo7yo · 18/06/2019 13:58

What team does he support?

MummyToBe89 · 18/06/2019 15:31

Yes it's a lot of money but it's your son's 21st birthday and as long as you aren't going without or getting in to debt, then I say book it.

The only thing I'd consider is does he have 10 friends who all support the same football team who would love this experience as much as him? If not it may be a bit of a waste. If that's the case I'd buy a few tickets off Stub Hub, book them a lunch before the game, give them some beer money and I'm sure they'll be just as happy!

You sound very thoughtful OP, so I'm sure he'll love whatever you decide to do for him.

HippoPotter · 18/06/2019 15:38

Personally I’d rather have the cash. It’s £175 a head so you’re basically spending £175 on your son and £1575 on treating other people. It’s his birthday, he should be getting the money spent on himself.