16 year old

[TheBlueDaisy]

To think we can leave a 16 yr old home with her 21 yr old twin brother and sister for the day on Sunday?

We are leaving them all on Friday night overnight for a night away just the two of us, going to a bbq with them all on Saturday and then we have a sick elderly relative to visit on Sunday.

DH thinks we can't leave her at home on Sunday. I don't want to take her as she'll be bored and it's unnecessary to have a bored 16 year old sitting with our sick relative.

I should also point out we are going on a family holiday with her for 10 days next week.

I agree this is one of those "ask the child involved what they would prefer to do" situations.

At one point it looked like my husband and I were going to be separately away at the same time during the Easter holidays. I was happy to let my 16 yr old stay home on her own, or, if they were both comfortable with the arrangement, leave her and her 13 yr old brother together, for 3 days.

I dont think my view would change even though she's your SD. It would be different if you only had her for limited periods and were going away during one of that times but you say you have her 50/50 so i would be absolutely fine with leaving her.

I think you've realised yourself the issue isn't your DH not wanting to leave your DD it's him not wanting to go

My eldest was 16 when he used to watch his 13 year old brother while I worked permanent nightshift... 3 years on they are both still alive and very independent and I still work the same shift...

She could join the army for goodness sake!

If she is "at her dad's" it is more understandable he feels he should spend more time with her. Why dont you suggest he takes her for coffee/lunch/dinner on Sunday working around visiting relative?

Also did you ask "would you like to come on Sunday?" Or "do you mind if we go?"

Of course, she can legally leave home! (Obviously if there's sn that needs to be taken account of) I left mine for the weekend at 15&17

I left my 16 year old at home for 3 nights while I went to a different country (Ireland), during the Easter holidays.

Your DH is being soft!

I was living on my own at 16, what’s the big deal?

She can get married, have babies, join the army. I'm sure she can keep herself alive for a day!
She'll be glad to be left alone after a family day Saturday if she's like any teenager I know.

Is it more that she is your SD and that this is DH's week for contact? If DH only sees her EOW then I think it is unreasonable and DH should stay with her. If she lives with you full time I don't see the problem - ask if she wants to come and include a lunch out as part if the day? As others have said most 16 year olds welcome time at home without parents there!

She shrugged her shoulders and said she doesn't mind.

That sounded a little less enthusiastic than I would have hoped for under the circumstances. I am very much in favour of letting teens be independent, but it's a fine balance between that and making them feel unwanted.

What an odd thread. I thought it was going to be a typo and your DD was going to be 6 and you weren’t sure if it’s fair on her 21 year old siblings babysitting all day I left DD for days at a time when she was 16 and her brother was 19. She had a job and lots of friends so she kept herself busy. If you’re worried about your 16 year old being ‘bored’ as she is left alone for a day I think you have an issue - can she not entertain herself?

She will be with 2 adults. Odd course it's ok.

I don't think this is about whether or not she'll be ok. She's come to spend the weekend with her Dad, so I imagine he's feeling guilty about leaving on her own for most of the weekend. Does she have any friends near you, or will she be stuck at home? Is it your relative who is sick? Could you maybe go alone and DH spend the day with his DD?

Ok, it makes quite a difference that she is only with you half the time. And you are away Friday night too.
I think if it isn't a big deal for DH to stay at home and not visit sick relative then maybe he could stay with her if that is their preference. I assume it is your relative, not his?

She could be living in her own flat with her own baby at 16. We left our 16 year old for 3 nights at Easter and went away with her younger bro & sis. Her choice to stay home & study. She's been away several times without us (school residentials, guide camps, sports events) including two abroad. I don't think she was pining.

Ok, it makes quite a difference that she is only with you half the time. And you are away Friday night too.

I don't think it does. 16 year olds are not normally glued to their parents, whichever parent they live with. It's unlikely that when this 16 year old is doing her 50% with her mum that she is with mum intensely.

I like the idea of them both coming, dropping you off and doing something together.

I wonder does your OH feel guilty ...or likely to get grief from the ex for "not even being there when he does have her" .

Yes, he says he feels guilty. No reason to feel guilty though from the divorce point of view as she left him.

No issue with Mum causing problems.

She's not with us EOW. She's with us at least 50% of the time. DH is home for 9 hours a day with her even on a work day as he mainly works from home.

I'd do it with my 13&14 yo.

When mine are that age they will be getting left behind at all times!

You aren't being unreasonable, I was living by myself at 16! Of course its totally fine to leave a 16 year old for the day, even though technically they aren't adults until 18 she's essentially an adult. Go and spend time with your sick relative, unless she has additional needs I can't see why she shouldn't fine.