Drinking ettiquette

[Valentinesxdayideasxx]

I had an evening in with friends last night and I've been left wondering if I was BU. I don't drink alcohol as it irritates my IBS. I was offered a glass of wine and said no thank you, which is where it is normally left and I'm offered a soft drink, but I was offered another few times, I was then eventually told "it's rude to refuse when someone offers you a drink" by the fil who was offering. I didn't know what to say so I turned to ask the host for a soft drink. AIBU and rude? What do you do if you don't drink, as I dont want to be rude if I was? My stomach was already irritated and I hadn't eaten so didn't want to irritate it further and felt uncomortable being asked repeatedly to drink the alcohol.

Of course it's not rude to refuse if someone offers you a drink!
What a ridiculous thing to say.

That was very rude, not of you but the FIL. You did nothing wrong, not everyone needs to drink alcohol all of the time (for medical or choice reasons).

Don't feel bad, in future I'd try 'thank you, I'm not drinking alcohol but would love something soft please'.

I don't drink alcohol at all, ever, so run into this from time to time. Most people are quite gracious about it. The odd knob who keeps insisting that you accept the alcohol usually has an issue with their own drinking and wants you to drink with them to normalize it.

You were not being U or rude at all.

YANBU. It's rude to keep pressing a drink on a guest who has already politely declined. After all, the definition of a good host is one who makes their guests feel at ease. You were right to do what you did. I'd do the same.

Its rude to insist when your guest has refused, I tend to go with "Do you have a soft drink at all" or if really uncertain a glass of water (I get dodgy tums and for e.g. I sometimes can't drink sweetners as it gives me an upset tummy, and I shouldn't be drinking sugary versions. Or the other one is "ooh I could do with a good cup of tea, do you want to show me where the kettle is and I can sort that out"

No thank you, seems like a perfectly polite response as far as I can see, does the FIL have a drink problem?

It’s not rude to avoid an alcoholic drink at all. Would make me suspect he wants everyone else to drink to hide how much he’s consuming. Why else would you try and force alcohol on someone who doesn’t want it.

Not rude, but do you just say ‘no thank you’ and wait to be offered a soft drink? That’s quite passive and I can see how it would be irritating. You need to say clearly ‘no thank you, but I’d love a soft drink please.’

I agree with crows.

Thanks for your replies, I feel better knowing I wasn't rude. I don't think he has an alcohol problem but I have never had alcohol around him and have even said that I have my car but he says one won't hurt. Last night he told the host that I would have one behind my back, which was poured for me and left untouched

@JustTheCrowsAndTheBeef when we go out for dinner the same thing happens, I usually give the wine glass back to the waitress when they collect the empty glasses and say no thank you I'll have a glass of water. I dont think I come across as passive which is why I was worried about coming across as abrupt

At a restaurant if you turn your wine glass upside down that is a universal signal to the staff that you don't want wine and they will remove the glass without comment or question.

He sounds like he has a problem with alcohol. Also a bit of a twat

Well, he sound like a bit of a knob tbh.

Surely it's usual when offering drinks to ask 'what would you like to drink' rather than 'here, have some alcohol'.

Alcohol, is not a 'drink'. Wine is a drink, Whisky is a drink, Gin is a drink and so is water, orange juice and so on.

And it bloody rude to keep pushing any sort of drink onto someone.

I also don't drink alcoholic drinks. No one has ever made me feel the need to justify my reasons.

However, if someone does offer you an alcoholic drink that you don't want but you don't ask for an alternative, I would it's not unreasonable for them to assume you don't want anything to drink.

"it would be ruder to accidentally shite all over your floor"

I've been badgered on tea and coffee before until I've been pushed to explain that I really don't like them.

It's amazing how much incredulity can be summoned by a request for water. Tap water is fine. Honestly! (I also can't drink milk, and am best avoiding sweetners so water tends to be the safest thing that is reliably avaliable, won't harm me and isn't disgusting.)

Some people really don't like it when you don't conform to a majority habbit!

as a teetotaler with ibs as well and severe reflex you were in your personal right to refuse

i would have said i was teetotal if you didnt want to explain about the ibs

some people just cant understand you dont drink and dont actually want to

ivew blown peoples little minds when ive said ive not drank anything or even tried it in all of my 37 years

I’m another one thinking that he has drink problem.
Your answer was absolutely fine.

Of course you don’t have to submit to drinking alcohol.

But if you want to just fly ‘under the radar’ and not address it directly with the dicks you socialise with, try ordering a ginger ale or soda water with lemon. Ask for a ‘g&t’ style glass, instead of a normal soft drink one. Assuming you’re out at a bar/restaurant/function.

It’ll keep all the alcoholics from bothering you, cos it looks like spirits with a mixer.

I ended up doing this when I went off booze for a year (health reasons). I shouldn’t have had to, but I live in a culture where it’s seen as downright insulting not to drink in unison and I got bored of talking about it. I even had a good ‘friend’ spike my drink with booze, thinking it was hilarious. Less hilarious after he was wearing it, but I gather that wouldn’t be your style, OP!!

Was he, perhaps, trying (& clearly failing) to make a joke?