to refuse to 'share' dd's party?

[Countingthegreyhairs]

My dd is having a birthday party soon at home(she'll be 4). The mother of one of her schoolfriends called me yesterday (in response to party invitation) and said "it's going to be x's birthday the day before the party, I've got family staying, perhaps I could bring a cake over and they could share??"

I declined saying "well we've got things pretty much planned out thanks" (it was a gut response because I find that this mother can be quite pushy).

Once I said it I felt v. guilty as I feel perhaps I've been a bit rotten to the little girl concerned. At the same time though feel that my dd deserves her very own party and 'moment of glory' with cake candles etc (we can't afford to go on holiday this year and so are having this party 'instead')

Have I done the wrong thing?

Yes, you've hit the nail on the head with your last sentence Madame Platypus! I work from home, part-time, and happen to live 3 minutes away from the school gate. She works full time and travels alot and as she's had a nanny leave her very suddenly recently, I've been called upon to fill in a few gaps. Initially I was happy to do this to be honest as my dd is an only child. It was only later on when I saw how dd and her daughter played together (e.g. x hit dd repeatedly on the head quite hard with a roll of wrapping paper - this was in the mother's presence - and the mother said diddly-squat!!!) that I became less enthusiastic about the whole thing. You live and learn I guess ...

Just did a double party for my DD and a friend's DD, waste of time I say!!!
You'll do all the work and she'll have all her friend's and rely's congratulating her on elbowing into someone else's limelight!!

I'm still miffed after nearly 2 weeks now (blows raspberry)

We had the reverse situation last year. One of DD1's friends ended up having her party on DD1's actual birthday. I was mildly miffed, since the other mum should have known that they would want to invite all the same people.

Friend's mum offered to incorporate DD1's birthday into her daughter's party, but I didn't want DD1 to be "tacked on" to someone else's party. So we politely declined the invitation and did our own family stuff on DD1's birthday. And had a thoroughly brilliant party of our own the next day.

Totally reasonable to want your own DD to have her own party. If friend doesn't want to come, so be it.

YANBU

Thank you again! Partic. good to hear from those who've had same/similar situation.

I know it wouldn't be the end of the world, but to a four-year-old it could seem like it!!