To still not really know who I am

[WillItEverStopRaining]

I'm 25 and just feel like I still don't really know who I am, what I want from life etc...

I feel like most things I do are to please other people and honestly, I'm not even sure what I actually like and dislike, or what I am genuinely interested in.

I have a good job on paper but one that I fell into really and find incredibly dull. I can't picture doing it for the rest of my working life but have literally no idea what else I'd want to do.

I feel quite confused at not really being able to pin point what I actually want.

Does anyone else feel/have felt like this?

I did because my dm was really abusive and controlling from childhood and through my 20s. I'm NC now and don't look at all decisions through the lens of will my mum have a go at me if I do this. I feel free and like I'm learning who I am by listening to what I actually want for the first time. Maybe you need to change your life a bit and try some new things to see if they suit you by paying attention to how you feel- either way you'll learn about yourself and grow as a person.

I’m the exact same, though am 35 and have two kids and been married for a decade,but it’s all just sort of happened by me not making any active choices.Instead of trying to figure out what I do like (cause I don’t know) I have been trying to figure out what I DON’T and then work from there.Its been genuinely depressing me lately,I think because I am getting older and feel like I’m nearly out of time to retrain or have more kids,if I decided that’s what I want.Sorry no help but at least you’ve got time on your side.

I'm 43 and I am just starting to figure it out. It's didn't even know I didn't know myself at 25 so you're actually doing very well in comparison! I think it's a lifelong process though and one that can't be rushed so try not to worry. (says the woman with an anxiety disorder...)

I used to be like that, the answer was to get away from everyone who knew me, and only then could I really find out who I really am without sort of acting the role of what other people wanted or expected me to be. I went abroad and travelled for 6 months on a couple of organised expeditions. I went alone, and make fresh friends while out there. I was left social media, only took a brick phone and told my parents I’d call on the first of every month, which I did. It was amazingly liberating, I recommend it.

I think it’s a very common feeling.

If you don’t know what you want, could you instead think about what you dont want from life/work, and work backwards from there?

I know what you mean. Turning 30 helped me to accept who I am as a person. At 25 you should try everything you can, travel if you can, say yes to lots of experiences.

Then at 30 you learn to say no to lots of experiences because you just can't be fucked and you know what you enjoy

I still feel like that now, and I'm twice your age.

Pringlefan I fantasise about doing exactly that!

I used to feel like that. And at 25 I got out of a career I hated (accounting) and into something I loved. I started at the bottom, got experience, went to uni at 30 and I am in a good position now. I was also single pretty much until I met DP at 31.

I would think about what you want from life, even if it is just for the short term. My own regret is that I didn't get out if the career I hated sooner and that I didn't just say "fuck it" and work abroad/go travelling when I started to feel restless.

I don't think I really knew who I was or what I liked back then but I certainly do now.

PS I'm 36 now.

Get away from the people who need to be pleased and get stuck into something, anything.

I have phases of feeling this way.

Would recommend trying lots of new things. Work out what feels good.

Also as PP suggested, work out what doesn't feel good.

Recommend the Happiness Planner wholeheartedly too.

I used to feel like that. Distancing myself from my family (following my abusive childhood) gave me the space to feel safe to find out who I really was. I know who I am now. I just listened to my soul and know that what makes me happy is knitting, gardening etc etc. I feel I can just be myself now without fear of judgement.

Thank you, it's good to know others have felt like this too.

It's like I'm stuck for ideas. I feel like most people knew what they wanted to do and have gone and done it whereas I have never really had anything that I've wanted to do, job wise I mean.

I considered trying to get into teaching/work with children but then started having fertility problems in the past couple of years and have been put off the idea. I'm not sure I'd cope working with them everyday if I could never have my own.

I can't really pack up and leave to go travelling, I have a husband one that I love very much and we have a house now too.

It's like I'm sort of stuck on the conveyor belt now with work. I have financial responsibilities so don't feel I can start from the bottom again.

I recommend counselling if it's something you want to explore. Look for a counsellor who uses the person centred approach.

It's really helpful in learning about yourself, why you do the things you do, ot explores your upbringing, family environment etc.