Alcoholic boss

[SleepyGuineaPig]

If you thought your boss had an alcohol problem (if not alcoholism then at least very problematic drinking), but you haven’t witnessed any of their problematic behaviours in a specifically work context, would you speak to someone in the office about it?

No

I had a boss who was a functioning alcoholic, he was a nightmare and so inconsistent and moody but we sort of managed around him.

The main problem was that EVERYBODY knew including the CEO who he used to drink with, we just never talked about it as none of us wanted to be the one to "get him in trouble" or incur his wrath.

In my exit interview I was pointedly asked why I was really leaving - on and off the record - and although I brought up a whole host of problems he had created we still never spoke of the alcohol issues. I suppose it's so deeply personal, who was I say to say it was actually alcoholism, and he wasn't just an insufferable arse?

I wouldn't raise it formally unless you could be very certain it wouldn't come back to bite you.

Yeah, I am very worried about it biting me. The thing is, until the drinking became an issue she was a great boss, and I like her enormously. She’s been a great mentor, and she used to be excellent at her job as well. But it’s all slipping, and while I haven’t seen explicit drinking issues at work I’m sure it’s connected.

You need to be clear about what you know and what you think you know. How do you know drinking is a problem for her? How do you know things are “connected” if you haven’t seen evidence at work?

It’s a big call to make on someone, potentially life changing. You could ruin a reputation, appear vindictive or also really expose someone who needs help with addiction depending on how right or wrong you are.

If you have a good relationship with her and your concerned, why not start by asking if she’s okay without even mentioning alcohol, but stick to asking about what you know and can see.

What evidence do you have that her behaviour is caused by alcohol - and not, for example, medication or illness?

If you have a good relationship with her and your concerned, why not start by asking if she’s okay without even mentioning alcohol, but stick to asking about what you know and can see.

I have already tried this and was very definitely (although politely) shut down.

For some context, here are behaviours I have witnessed:

• drove home from a colleague’s Christmas party after having had 3 large glasses of wine (I tried very hard to prevent this but couldn’t, and then felt sick with anxiety until she let me know she had made it home)

• fairly regularly goes out for lunch with colleagues / former colleagues / clients and will drink a whole bottle of wine. Will then often spontaneously take the afternoon off or ‘work from home’. This is the closest I’ve seen to it specifically being an issue at work, but at least it’s mitigated by her not actually working while drunk.

• we have to travel to a European city every few weeks for work and every time we return, as soon as we get to the airport she will drink several glasses of wine (last time it was 5 in 3 hours when flight was delayed). On our most recent trip she was so drunk she got very aggressive after a perceived slight from airport security and I was very worried she wouldn’t be allowed on the flight (but I managed to calm her down). Again this is one which does technically impact on work because she’s abroad to represent the company, but it hasn’t actually caused a work issue yet.

• most days of the week will have a drink in the office after 4pm

• bought 6 mini bottles of wine to drink alone in hotel room (she tried to hide the number from me when she bought them but I saw them in the basket)

There are other things as well but I don’t want this to get too long.

I obviously can’t prove it’s connected but she never used to drink in this way, and the issues I am having at work (her spontaneous days off, lack of supervision, deadlines being missed, mistakes slipping through the net) coincide with me becoming concerned about the alcohol use.

I know an alcoholic who had a complaint made against them at work - and it saved their life. Because it forced them to face reality - up to then they had been in a bubble of "no-one notices, it doesn't matter, I'm fine" despite family and friends expressing concern. They were secretly drinking at work, and continually smelling of booze, the self delusion was massive and they were in a downward spiral. They knew at some level they weren't ok but didn't know what to do to make it right (they were physically dependent at that point so couldn't just stop). Anyway, with their employers support they finally sought treatment and addressed the underlying issues, and astonishingly returned to work sober several months later. AFAIK they are doing ok.

If you think you know your boss personally well enough, you could take the same calm approach of "it has been noticed, it does matter, you are not fine". But it is risky. Ultimately, as her direct report, all you can do is focus on the work issues, seek support from line management for those and remember the mantra of "you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it".

I would love it if it was the prompt for her to get help. I just don’t know if it would help or hurt, though. It feels like a high risk strategy.

What an awful predicament. I've just lost my mum to alcoholism and it's so hard to help alcoholics unless they want to help themselves. As clichéd as that sounds.

Everyone told me my mum would seek help when she reached rock bottom. Sadly that never happened, losing her job and having her house repossessed wasn't enough of a wake-up call.

As I say, your situation is tricky. If your company seem supportive (most say they support colleagues with addiction problems) then maybe an anonymous letter to some senior or in HR who is kind? Along the lines of her needed help, not punishment.

God, it's so hard. If you approach here yourself you could end up shooting yourself in the foot. So sorry.

Anonymous letter to HR, or someone up the line. Careful not to mention anything outing (to you). Say you’re concerned about the company’s reputation and insurance issues.

If it were me, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself otherwise. There’s such a high risk of her causing harm to other people. Whether management choose to act or not, you’ve done what you can.

Chances are her ‘functional’ alcoholism will start to slip into dysfunctional soon. She’ll start to injure herself, or forget something big, or not be able to hide the smell of booze. Once they are on the lookout, they’ll notice it for themselves.

Having a drink in the office at 4pm must be pretty noticeable unless you have a big workplace drinking culture. If it’s fairly normal for people to drink in work hours it’s going to be tough for her to manage this.

Is this something you could take up with HR more generally, as a wellbeing at work matter?

Oh this is a hard call for you, if you report and she gets suspended or fired it could increase her drinking. If you don’t report it is obviously effecting your work. Either way your relationship is suffering. She’s obviously not going to stop though. Does she have a close family member or partner you know of who you could speak to confidently?