Aibu-OH drinking

[Loli2]

Hi all,

I am getting very frustrated with my OH drinking at events. He doesn't go out out often but when we do have an event he drinks so much that he can barely walk or talk and at 31 this is now embarrassing.
It's on average 6 times a year because he only drinks at events such as weddings or parties but it is so embarrassing -AIBU. He doesn't not drink one or two because "he doesn't see the point". I have talked to him about it several times but once he is with his friends there is no stopping him. Otherwise he is a really good partner.

Any advice?

Meh, does he say/do anything embarrassing? If he’s always around friends and family when he does it, and it’s only six times a year I would just let it go.

Well it's for to the point now where friends and family will say before the party/Wedding "wonder how long it will take for OH to be a state" or people who weren't there will have heard and say to me oh I hear your OH was absolutely hammered at the wedding. Not to mention the vomit everywhere the next day. I just don't feel I can let it go anymore.

I find it embarrassing that everyone talks about it and the fact thay no one else is his friendship group gets into that situation. It feels like everyone is laughing at us.

YANBU. It would be one thing if he was out on a lads night or something (I still wouldn't be over the moon about it to be honest) but I'd absolutely hate it at a wedding. You can get merry without being in a state where you can't walk and presumably need to be looked after by everyone else. Really not appropriate.

Yanbu. Have you talked about how embarrassed you feel? And what people are saying? Does he clean up after himself?

He cleans up after himself (although I still have to do it because it's not done right) and he is really embarrassed but he learns nothing and is in the same state the next time. For example the last one we went to I had asked him before not to get to that point and he agreed it is embarrassing now and he is too old to behave this way. At around 11pm that evening I said to him I think you should slow down and he did for an hour. Fast forward to 1pm and he was unable to walk or talk. I actually moved into the spare room for a few nights because I just wanted to make a point but now we have a wedding in a couple of weeks and I know it's going to be the same thing. I actually can't enjoy myself because I'm watching him and I'm sure everyone thinks im crazy to be checking in on him all the time although I obviously do it discreetly but I'm sure they can tell

I honestly don't think he can control himself when he is in that situation, is it possible to be an intermittent alcoholic ?

Hi OP

It is possible to have an issue with alcohol and not be an alcoholic. If be never sees the point in drinking one or two then he does just drink to get smashed .

I sounds like he doesnt actually think there is an issue though. There are lots of things he can do to help

Drink a soft drink every other drink

Drink singles if he usually has doubles or bottles instead of pints

Only take out a certain amount of cash and no cards or leave his card with you and you buy the drinks

Drive sometimes so he cant drink

Ultimately though he may have to give up if he cant drink sensibly or you'll have to not invite him to the next event to really drive the point home about his behaviour

I don't know if this will drive the point home for him, it does with some people. Video him when he's drunk and staggering about and show him the footage when he's sobered up. It can be quite the wake-up call.

The second thing is leave him to it. If he can't walk or stand up or get himself up off the floor, that's his problem, not yours. Don't help him to the hotel room or to the car/taxi to go home. He's not going to stop until he starts to feel the consequences of his actions. If anyone says anything to you, tell them he's an adult, responsible for his own behaviour and it's nothing to do with you.

I could have written this! The only way was to stop for my OH, we tried everything else and run out of options.

Some friends and family just enjoy the drama it causes and it shows you who really cares about you both and who wants entertainment at your expense, remember that once this is sorted.

Make him drive! Insist that you drive and save money on taxis/overnight accommodation, then insist he takes a turn behind the wheel every other time.

I get how embarrassing it is. My ex used to get pissed stupid much of the time, and it was cringeworthy. He'd turn into a blithering moron who pissed everybody off.

Could you say before this next wedding that you will not in any way get involved if he drinks too much. He can make his own way home etc. Maybe subconsciously he completely lets loose as he knows you will look afternoon him. Rather then being embarrassed, which I totally get, I think I would join the other side and let everyone know you don’t agree with it, are sick of it and don’t want anything more to do with it. People might stop inviting him if he acts like that, that should make him realise.

Do you think he does it because he knows you're there to sort him out? I'd be tempted to let him pass out in a bush and leave him there.

I really couldn't be bothered to look after someone who was determined to make that much of a twat of themselves.

Leave him behind and go home without him.

Is the upcoming wedding on his side of the family or yours? If it is on his then I would be tempted not to go (unless you really want to) and just leave him to go on his own, although not driving for obvious reasons. If it is on your side then inform him that you will be going without him because he is way too embarrassing where drink is concerned.

Whatever you decide to do, do not agree to be his taxi service either. That just helps to enable the dickish behaviour.

He will only stop if he wants to. My ex was like this. He could go for months without a drink, but if he had one he had to get slaughtered. It was so embarrassing. No amount of conversations ever fixed it, he's like it still with his new wife. It's a type of addictive behaviour, not an alcoholic, but a binge drinker in extreme. Good luck OP, you'll either have to learn to live with it or make your own way.

Or he could be drinking to cover social nerves.

I understand how you feel OP. DH was very much the same, even into his early 40s and it spoiled my enjoyment of social events.

In his eyes he was just having a good time and I was being a spoil sport.

What helped was that one of his friends made a passing comment about how over the top DH tended to go when they go out for drinks. I think it embarrassed DH a bit and he isn't so bad nowadays.

Hi everyone, had a conversation last night and I have said I am willing to go to one more event with him but if it cannot be controlled then u will not be going to any others. He does acknowledge he basically needs to not drink at these events and has decided only to do so at his very good friends of which we have two three this year so we will see how the first one goes. Thanks for all of the advice