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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect DP to wait a while...?

5 replies

Phoebs47 · 17/06/2019 01:23

My wife and I recently underwent IVF for the first time; her eggs and me carrying the baby.
We fell pregnant but sadly miscarried within a week. Due to the meds, it took an extra week for me to bleed (which I am still doing now).
She struggled with the physical symptoms of IVF but is feeling fine now and tonight, over a few glasses of wine, told me she was feeling better now and that “those feelings” were coming back.
She also asked me how I was feeling (making it clear that she was referring to being intimate).
I’m still struggling with the early loss, and couldn’t help but say that I wasn’t really feeling it seeing as I was still going through a miscarriage.
Understandably it totally killed the mood, and I know I was being out of order by saying it so bluntly but aibu to expect my DP to be a bit more understanding and not necessarily be pushing for sex whilst we’re still going through a miscarriage? She’s now gone to sleep and not spoken to me, leaving me feeling like an arsehole. I know I was shit in the way I said it but surely it’s not all on me?

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 17/06/2019 01:57

No she's being at best insensitive.

How the hell are you expected to feel sexual while you are still bleeding from the loss of your child! I'm sorry if that's blunt and please don't be upset by those words but that is the reality you are dealing with and your partner should be respectful and empathetic of that!

All that being said it's fine to have a conversation with you about feeling ready to be intimate again and to see how you are feeling around that but it's a conversation that should not have any expectations attached to it and no negative reactions to either of you not being ready yet.

I'm sorry Flowers

Ifigotherewillbedouble · 17/06/2019 02:01

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve suffered a miscarriage and for me it was physically very painful so the thought of sex was so far from my mind. I don’t think you’re being an arsehole at all and I hope your DP wakes up in the morning feeling sorry. Try and get some sleep.

user1473878824 · 17/06/2019 02:09

I’m so sorry for your loss. Your wife is being hugely insensitive at best.

Cruelstepmother · 17/06/2019 03:12

How very sad - you have my sympathy. Maybe if this situation arises again you could say you're still not ready, but you'd like a kiss and cuddle. That way it is less of a rejection.

Yousicktwistedfruit · 17/06/2019 06:46

I am so so sorry for your loss Flowers your DP is being very insensitive I think you need to have a conversation with her about how your feeling at the minute and that your just not ready to be intimate again yet.

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