If you're divorced, what could your friends have done better?

[HennyPennyHorror]

Our dearest friends are splitting and it looks like divorce. It's hard to blame either of them...but they're both very, very sad.

My question is this...we used to have a lot of couple dinners...now that's gone. Do we continue to invite them both but now separately?

Their kids are good friends with our kids and we want to remain a constant in their lives if possible but would our friends feel sad at the change if it was just one being invited? Then we'd ask the other one next time?

DH is more friends with the male half than I am but I do like the male half a lot.

What else can we do?

Bump

Don't overthink it. Invite them separately and in rotation if that's what makes you feel comfortable. Definitely make sure the kids carry on seeing each other. Carry on treating them both like single friends. Do not try to matchmake or feel you have to provide an opposite sex partner if you have them round for a meal.

Don't be surprised if one or both friendships shift, they will both move on in their lives.

Please carry on inviting them for dinner. It makes such a difference. Having dinner as a 3 with kids or without shows you value and care about that individual person.

My ex husband got all our friends in the divorce after he told them all a load of lies about me having affairs, etc. So, not that!

Don't tittle tattle and running tales of who is dating who

Dh found that sympathy seemed to go automatically to the woman “left” with the kids. Most of their couple friends still attempted to see her over him, even his sister and parents continued to have her over when she dropped the kids, babysat etc.

Even after it was her that had the affair, kicked him out and emptied their joint accounts. But like pp- she had been “setting the scene” for 6 months plus, making out their marriage was so bad so when they split it wasn’t unexpected.

If there is no behaviour you’re not comfortable with on either side then just continue to see them both. With the kids invite whoever has contact that day, take it in turns to invite for meals, etc.

How old are the children?

Do what feels right, but be honest with your friends and tell them you're finding it difficult and hope you're doing the right thing.

Don't gossip and don't tell one of the couple anything about the other one unless they ask. I had a neighbour tell me during my divorce, that she'd seen my then H at a woman's house. I didn't care one bit but did feel odd that she thought I would be interested.

Yeah, I lost a few 'friends' in the divorce too. I guess try to stay impartial which is hard if one party is sad or blaming the other. Listen but don't offer advice that could be seen as being negative towards your other friend. For big events invite both and let them work out who attends. I realised I'd lost a close friend when I saw she'd got married on FB. The ex went but I wasn't even worth a call beforehand let alone an invite.

Keep in touch with both if they both matter to you.
Include in nights over at yours .. I became a social pariah. ... unfortunately ppl fell for his BS (inc my family) to the extent he was invited to family events even after we split.

Maybe offer to have kids over to give the parent tha weekend, a bit of a break

It's good.you're trying to do the right thing OP

OMG my spelling!

We'd both receive invites to places via ex but mysteriously they never made their way to me, including funerals!