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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to work full time?

25 replies

Wetwobears · 16/06/2019 21:14

I started my own business last year. I have slowly been growing it and it is flexible enough to fit around school hours, etc, giving me the best of both worlds. I am getting more and more clients, and mentioned to my dh that by September I would like to go to full time hours ( I currently work around 15).

We have two DDS who are now school age. At the moment I am working during school hours only and up to an hour in the evening once they are in bed (mainly admin).

My DH has said that it isn't worth me moving to full time and has pretty much said no to the idea. I feel like this is partly to do with the fact that he doesn't want to change his own work hours. Currently he gets to work at 9:30am because he likes a lie in until 8am and doing the school run, then is home for 7pm once the girls are in bed. I suggested that he could go to work earlier at 8am and be home for 5:30pm. Meaning that he could take over after school, allowing me to fit more hours in. However, he said no.

I don't want to give up on this, has anyone got any more suggestions as to how I can fit in more hours?

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 16/06/2019 21:17

Do you need his permission? Say you are going to increase your hours you devote to your business and need to work out how that will work. But if your kids are school age aren’t they at school over 30 hours a week? Then maybe it’s a matter of sharing the household chores more equally.

Original poster
Wetwobears · 16/06/2019 21:19

pip with household chores and admin, I get around 25 hours maximum during school hours.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wetwobears · 16/06/2019 21:20

Actually, forget that, it's more like 20 hours.

OP posts:
RicStar · 16/06/2019 21:23

Can you do your work early in the morning? Then your dh doesnt have to change his routine much - perhaps chase the dd's slightly more.

Guadalquivir19 · 16/06/2019 21:24

Put them in after school club until 5/6pm & get your dh to collect them and bring them home. That way you can work from 9 am to 5/6pm so you're doing a f/t week.

Original poster
Wetwobears · 16/06/2019 21:25

Ric No, because dh doesn't get up until 8am and I am up from 6:30am sorting the children out for school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wetwobears · 16/06/2019 21:26

Guard I can't use the after-school club as my oldest dd has additional needs and wouldn't cope.

OP posts:
EgremontRusset · 16/06/2019 21:27

If DH already does the school run, then could you just start work by 8am and he sorts mornings? Then even if you did pickup from After school club, you’d have a full day.

Pa1oma · 16/06/2019 21:32

How old are the DCs that they’re both in bed by 7?

Tbh, yoyrcFH sounds lazy getting up at 8 and strolling into work for 9.30. I guess he thinks he’s doing you a great favour already though as he does the school run?

But I’d your DC are in bed by 7 and before he gets in. he’s only seeing them for 30 mins to an hour in the morning.

Onefootforward1 · 16/06/2019 21:32

Can you alternate the mornings so he does every other with the girls and you can start work earlier? Why does he get the luxury of a lie in every day? Who made those rules? Plus you do every bedtime because he works late. Doesn’t seem very fair to me.

Kaelle · 16/06/2019 21:35

Chiming in here...I just would encourage you to really go for it and work full time. If you think this business is worth investing in then as a couple it's a worthwhile thing. Looking after your personal financial independence is critical and will give you HUGE peace of mind, especially if you're facing a spouse who is not encouraging you to be independent. Being mutually independent can actually strengthen your relationship. Looking after your own retirement and contributing more to a personal pension is great for your future and the earlier you start the better. Working full time will give you that extra to make those contributions. Good Luck!

Onefootforward1 · 16/06/2019 21:35

Also maybe you could outsource as many of the household chores as you can eg. get a cleaner, gardener, etc and get your DH to do the grocery shop online which you could put away. Also seems to me like he can’t be bothered with domestic drudgery and that’s why he doesn’t want you to work FT.

RicStar · 16/06/2019 21:39

Well your dh needs to pick mornings or evenings with DC. I have to drag my school age ones out of bed most mornings so maybe no one will have to be up at 6.30am forever.

Original poster
Wetwobears · 16/06/2019 21:43

Pa1oma He's not doing me a favour by doing the school run. He only does it because he likes doing it. I would rather he just let me do it and went to work earlier to be honest.

OP posts:
Landlubber2019 · 16/06/2019 21:51

You need to consider your future carefully as this man is no darling 😧 get yourself financially stable and he can either up his game and respect you or ship out!

devilinme · 16/06/2019 21:59

Appaling attempt to keep you in your place.

How do you split the housework or do you do it all?

Original poster
Wetwobears · 16/06/2019 22:01

Devilinme I do it all Blush

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 16/06/2019 22:02

So he won't start work early but he also won't facilitate you starting work early because he wants a lie in every day?

I would just tell him that you will be starting work at 7.00 every day from September and he needs to either get up with his children or employ someone else to do it. You will take responsibility for after school childcare.

Prometheus · 16/06/2019 22:08

Do you know for sure that the after school club can’t cater for your DD’s additional needs? I only ask because it’s easy to assume she can’t cope but maybe she could??

devilinme · 16/06/2019 22:13

This is awful OP.

He's said no because he likes his life just the way it is. Who wouldn't want a wife at home doing everything.

Find a way, whatever it takes and run your business.

BackforGood · 16/06/2019 22:23

It isn't difficult. YOur dc have 2 parents and each parent works.
Either you start work at 7/7.30 whilst he gets the dc up and ready and takes them to school, and you work until 3 then look after the dc.

Or

He starts work at 8am and gets home by teatime, to do household chores in the evening, giving you chance to work in the evening.

It's not really that difficult.

Cherrysoup · 16/06/2019 22:29

Honestly, OP, I would just organise your full time hours and then tell him you’ll be doing the school run and he will need to start earlier and be home earlier. He can’t have it his own way forever. He does sound lazy and like his way is the only way. He’ll also have to step up and do chores.

Onefootforward1 · 17/06/2019 08:58

Did you speak to your DH again OP?

Meccacos · 17/06/2019 10:08

@Wetwobears then tell him you’ll do the school run and he can go to work early instead. He gets to lie in every morning and you’re up at 6.30am.

Even if you both work full-time and he picks up more slack - there’s no way he can change to school hours unless he starts work at 7am, finishes at 3pm, has no lunch break and teleports himself to pick up the kids.

Just exactly what are you proposing he do??

TokyoSushi · 17/06/2019 10:15

OP this is rubbish, DH needs to do something to help out. It's not at all fair that you can't do what you want because he won't help. I'd speak to him again, very firmly if you have to.

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