AIBU to be worried about my DS.. And if not what should I do?

[Concernedaboutds]

DS is 18 and in last year at college.

He has always ploughed his own furrow, we never had many friendship issues with him because he never really cared about having friends. That said he is very easy to get on with and funny, so at primary and indeed secondary he always had a group of friends. Kids always wanted to pal up with him but he didn't 'need' them iyswim...

So for the last 3 years it has been a struggle to get him to shower regularly. At times he stinks. He really doesn't care, and for ages the most I can get him to do is shower or bath a couple of times a week.

In the last 12-18 months he has definitely got worse. He is in his room most of the time, will come out for dinner but that's it. And even then if given a choice he's take it to his room. He has missed a lot of college this year although his work is about to date and because he is very good at the subject (IT) he will have no trouble passing provided he completes all the coursework. His college left a message for me saying that he had told them he was suffering from anxiety and would not be coming in, just working from home. I have no idea if this is true. To my knowledge DS hasn't been to the GP but I am out at work every day so I don't know what he does in that time.

This was a worry, but the latest is he's stopped going to his pt job. He has told them he's busy with college work and they've taken him off the rota til July. When I asked him about it he said he would just rather be at home and that he doesn't really like going out.

All his friends now are online. He sees no one face to face. However he does seem happy, he is online most of the time chatting to friends and gaming. He doesn't seem depressed or anxious but the not leaving the house stuff, plus everything else has me a bit concerned - AIBU?

The other thing to mention he did have a gf for about 6 months who he met through gaming. She lives 300 miles away so they only met up 3 or 4 times. That finished a few weeks ago, he's not discussed it with me but from what I can gather he ended it.

Anyone?

Oh no. That does sound worrying. It sounds a bit like depression (although I have zero medical training). Can you persuade him to go to the GP?

Yes. I would be very concerned.
However if he is not open to speaking about it to you I am not sure what you can do.
I suppose it would be futile to ask him to go for a walk with you or the cinema ?

I don’t have any advice for you, I’m afraid- at 18 he’s an adult and you can’t make him do anything; it’s very difficult. I’m watching with interest as my sister is having very similar issues with my niece. I believe she should remove access to WiFi, but my niece is only 13 and has suffered trauma, so that could account for some of her withdrawal from the outside world.

He sounds depressed. However because of his age you can't make him seek help. Have you got his email? Because I'd be inclined to source some relevant links, including a diagnostic quiz or two, and send them to him. IME the oblique approach works best at that age.

Yes I would also be concerned. Have you told him college called, told him you are concerned! .

I would try to have a conversation about it

I think I would be worried about that OP. It does sound like he is suffering with his MH. Do you think he could have some underlying condition like ASD (sounds like he's socially capable and you don't describe other issues so probably not). Do you think he'd be inclined to talk to you about it or visit his GP?

He may not be depressed but maybe just hooked on gaming! Ask him why he doesnt want to go out, ask him why he told college he was anxious. I'd also be asking him what he is doing at the end of his course and ask him to go through what actions he is taking to get a job. After all you cant continue to support him forever.

I have asked him how he Is, especially when he said he wasn't going to work. But he says he's fine and there's nothing he wants to talk about. When he told me he wasn't seeing his girlfriend any more I asked if he wanted to talk to me about it and he said no. Although given he didn't even really tell me she was his girlfriend when she first came here that isn't a surprise. He is quite a closed book.

He doesn't really care much about other people's opinions and finds people in general quite annoying. I think that's why he prefers interaction online rather than in person. He loves animals though and is very good with them.

He's been a keen gamer for years, I don't think it's that he's actively gaming more, often he's just online chatting to friejds on his server and not actually gaming, more that he seems to like the outside world less and less.

I will gently ask about GP but again I'm not sure he will agree. I'm just worried of getting to a point where he won't leave the house, I want to do something before we reach that stage. I will see if he will come for a walk/ run with me, he did say he wanted to start exercising so maybe that might work.

If I ask him too many questions he will get defensive and refuse to discuss it. He's not decided what to do next year other than that he doesn't want to go to uni as it's too expensive.