I definitely am. What's wrong with me? (wedding related)

[Toystorypants]

So after not so patiently waiting for DP to propose - he has I am delighted!

Went to a wedding fair at a very very popular wedding venue. On paper I thought it was exactly what I wanted - very rustic barn type.

I just felt incredibly overwhelmed and wanted to leave. So many options, have to chose plates and chairs and a cake and champagne and different bar options and you have to pay more if you don't use an approved supplier and centre pieces and name cards and different dance floor options and just Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I can't believe it, it all feels like a big scam.

I just want a nice venue, a good party with pizza and bbq food and a generally lovely day but Google is only pulling up bloody stately homes and Princess castles and horse and carriages.

I've waited a long time for this and I feel so disheartened now.

Your wedding your way...
Ask your friends to go look with you.

We hired out a picnic area in a county park! It was bloody gorgeous and very very cheap!!

There are many ways to get married, you don’t need to look at typical wedding venues.

And congratulations!

Op it's only your first look and it's made you realise what you dint want. That's actually a good thing.

Where about in the world are you? Perhaps people can recommend places?

What about a marquee somewhere? Tipi's look stunning is its not a winter wedding, you could get outside caterers to do pizza /bbq, hire a dj, etc.

We didn't worry too much about themes. We had a cake that reflected us. We have table names made by friends. Colours we liked. It didn't match but it was us

At a wedding fair I think lots of things are going to be a bit over the top and full on. Just choose what you want and go from there!

My friend had a registry wedding and then reception in a marquee in a lovely pub garden, hog roast and we all decorated the place ourselves. She then had a band and we all dances outside. It was fab and didn’t break the bank xx

There are plenty of people out there to 'sell' wedding stuff, it's a massive business and it's going to be hard to avoid all of it.
However you only need to get what you want, there is no right way only the right way for you.
Take your time.
My friends had a lovely wedding in a pretty village hall, they organised the caterers, the bar and the decorations, the band and it was absolutely fantastic, they also have us lists of local B&bs, cottages and hotels so we all had somewhere to stay, the service was in their local church. It was amazing but very little of it was 'traditional' wedding package stuff.
We also went to a fab wedding in an outward bound centre in Scotland, with a ceilidh in the evening and loads of activities the following day. Very non traditional wedding party but suited the couple perfectly.

We wanted what we wanted and couldn't find anywhere that would provide that (or provide it without costing an absolute fortune!). We found a self catering venue which saved an absolute fortune and lifted all restrictions on suppliers etc.

If you want to avoid all the 'wedding circus' check these guys out. None of what you mention above. Just realness.

lodgefarmnazeing.co.uk/

I got married a long time ago and it was all very modest by today's standards but still too much. If I was doing it all now, I'd have a picnic in the park with borrowed gazebos in case of bad weather.

I married age 20 at town hall, reception at a family members house with pie and peas (its was Nov 3) and fireworks. It was cheap and cheerful and we had everyone there who we needed. I originally thought I wanted the big fairytale wedding but we wanted to.get married fast. My head was spinning the whole day, with happiness. I'm 29 now and still so in love. I don't even think about my wedding much.

We had our wedding at a very bohemian venue. I had no desire to be traditional or to spend lots of time traipsing around fairs so we found somewhere that could provide everything but in a very alternative way. We had a bbq and the evening entertainment was homemade with people bringing guitars and singing!

Keep looking - you may be surprised at the number of quirky, laid back venues you can find who can give you what you want.

If you can give a location, people on here might be able to help.

A wedding fair is going to be full of people showcasing everything they offer.

You dont have to take them up on it.

I used to organise weddings for Yorks most popular venues some brides wanted it all and wanted to pick everything down to the last detail.

Some didnt. Some wanted chair covers, some dont. Some must see the exact shade of cover and chair ribbon. Some arent bothered as long as it's similar to whatever colour their theme is.

Some wanted full 5 course meal, some dont.

If you arent going for a big all singing all dancing package, you may be limited on dates on popular venues.

The popular venues wont have a wedding spending £13 per head on a Saturday in August, when they can get a huge wedding at £30 per head.

If you are happy to do it a fairly short notice, you may get a cancellation though.

Sorry meant to link to our venue. It has a maximum of 20 but could give you some ideas lowerbarnswedding.co.uk/gallery

YANBU.

I went to an amazing wedding. They hired out an old farm like place for the weekend. It has bedrooms (some with 6 beds, so shared) grounds and common areas.
Grill, tables inside and out too. What B&G had to sort was everything else. So meat to grill, nibbles, beer kegs, other drinks. Family and friends all helped out with something. Behind the bar, by the grill, decorations. It was great!
Nearly everyone was an actual part of the wedding so it had lovely community spirit and everyone enjoyed.
And there was a food competition. Whoever wanted brought some homemade pub style food nad the one voted the best won a prize.

Best wedding ever. After mine, of course.

I would look at a new venue. We had our wedding in a lovely rustic barn. They did some basic catering. We got our cake from m&s (it was lovely). I didn't care about the plates or whatever so had it all buffet style. The chair covers were generic and I just had ivory simple ties. Keep it simple if that's what you want. It's your wedding.

Start with the wedding ceremony ...is it going to be a church or a civil ceremony..if its a church then you could look for reception venues from hotels, pubs, village halls etc. It really depends on how formal you want things and if you want to arrange caterers / order pizzas etc or if you want the venue to do it. If you’re going for a civil ceremony then you have the same options, but you could also choose to have the reception at the same venue.

Remember a lot of things like seat covers, table decorations are just fluff and either aren’t needed or are just an excuse to charge you more money ...table decorations could just be from next or m&s florists for instance ...or you could buy cheaper by looking around. You can literally spend thousands without thinking as every time you say yes to something costing £1 a head its actually £100 with 100 guests .

It is a bigs scam.
Just sit down and talk about what you want.
I’m getting married next Month, we’re having a simple ceremony in a nearby pretty city, then everyone to out local village hall where lots of festi friendly friends wil camp. We’re dping our own free bar? Cold buffet delivered by caterer, Ceilidh, I’m doing Spotify playlist for dancing after.
It’s been simple and not costing loads. Just bringing together a big group of peoplr we want to be with.

We have some lovely church halls.

I get it OP! Big time.

We ended up booking ours in a big hotel. It was amazing and we got everything through them. Whenever they brought up cutlery etc we just said "cheapest"-who would remember about that kind of thing?? They would arrange table plan etc for free (we arranged our own though).
We got cake and flowers through companies that were just starting out. I did spend more on a photographer though as I wanted an excellent one.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we didn't spend much-but we were within our budget and are in no debt.

I'm glad it's not just me 😊😊😊

We're in Aberdeen, so preferably a venue in the city or shire if anyone knows of any!!

Some of the tables had ACTUAL TREES on them. Who wants a tree on a table?! And baubles hanging of the tree with twee little mini puddings. It was just TOO MUCH.

I still want somewhere "nice" - I also went to look at a local activity centre place which was nice, but needed a lick of paint which I wouldn't have minded except you have to use their catering and therefore it's only a sit down meal option.

In my mind I'm picturing a nice barn for the ceromony with twinkly lights and then either a marquee or still in a barn with a BBQ and pizza, a dj and a dance floor.

I didn't realise how big all this wedding stuff is, the wedding pack I was given today has three flipping catalogue things that are the size of the old school yellow pages!!!

Read the small pri t of any venue v carefully. Mine had twinkly lights but it was any extra fifty quid to actually have them on!! On the morning of my wedding I was in the venue, in jeans, laying out place cards and putting flowers in vases as the venue didn't do it for you (most do). It sounds like you know what you want so stay strong and don't get sucked into all the 'must have' bollocks

I went to two weddings last year.

Wedding 1 had 100s of people, full 3 course meal in a posh marquee, lots of speeches, with party favours in jars, hot house flowers everywhere, posh disco etc. etc etc.

Wedding 2 had the ceremony in a nice registry office, followed by a close family lunch of fish and chips, then an evening party and disco for about 50 friends and wider family in the local pub. Friends and family did the decorating and made little bags of sweets for every table.

I know which I preferred! Hint, it wasn't the 1st one.

I recommend hiring out a restaurant. No need to choose chairs, cutlery, plates etc because they've got it all already. Not sure where you're located but lots of places can be hired out for private events with a minimum spend, or if you want to do something smaller you could find somewhere with a private dining room. We've found a modern restaurant that we love the style of and all we are supplying is the flowers.

OP, there's The Coo Cathedral on the Aboyne Castle Estate about 30 miles outside the city. Lots of good reviews for weddings and one said that you arrange for everything you want apart from the venue yourself, so own caterer etc.
www.whiterose.scot/coo-cathedral/
Lots of accommodation in the village (I grew up in Aboyne).
www.countryflavoursofalford.co.uk/coo-cathedral

You’re absolutely right. These wedding factory venues are ghastly.