This is my life..

[FrogWednes]

I have moved home 23 times, I feel like I don't belong anywhere.
I lost all my family in unbelievably tragic circumstances - I have no one. I am long-term unemployed due to ptsd. I have a couple of friends but I feel so lonely & out of it. Getting out of bed is a triumph for me. I hate my life. No meaning, no purpose, nothing & no one to belong to. Therapy is my only highlight. I wonder why I was put on this earth? Aibu?

Oh @FrogWednes I'm so sorry you've had such a dreadful life, do you have any medical help for your PTSD?

FrogWednes you have a few friends- not everybody does so there are people who care and value you.

Moving so often is bound to be unsettling- just moving once is hard never mind 23 times!

I'm not the best with words- I just wish I could give you a hug x

Frog, try taking up some volunteering. Anything you can do. And establish routine in your life. Sounds like you have time and access to therapy - that’s already some resources. The moving home 23 times on its own is not necessarily a problem. I did something similar, but I wanted it every time. Due to my studies, new carreer opportunity, getting out of shithole country etc.. And the last time I moved back to a third world country for a very good job, but also the one that would make my life feel more meaningful. Often it’s about the narrative. Change if for yourself and refuse to be a victim. You have resources to make the world around you a little bit better so do it. Just start with small things and focus at each step at a time

Oh @frog. I'm so sorry you've had such a hard time. Please know you are not alone. Sending hugs and love

Although volunteering is an excellent idea- it takes courage and confidence to try something which is hard when you're in a difficult place. The one step at a time may just be taking steps to build up to volunteering at some stage.

I know you have PTSD- it may be one day your experiences will be able to support somebody else in a similar situation/symptoms.

I look forward to being able to help another person over the same hurdles I have but I have to conquer them first myself. I'm beginning to get old now & starting to lose belief that it's possible..

People with stable, loving, happy families are blessed.

YANBU. People will try to present you with suggestions, trying to be helpful, but I understand where you're coming from. My life's been utter shit, still is, just sort of spinning my wheels and biding my time.

That sounds shit :(

Feel free to ignore the following if problem-solving attempts are only going to annoy you: If you don't have other regular stuff in your life, it might help having something you do each day that gets you out of the house — something like a short daily walk in a local wooded spot/park/whatever (or just five minutes round the block), going to a local coffee shop (though that can get expensive), taking a flask of tea to the park/shopping centre/anywhere and reading a book for an hour, anything of that sort that gets you doing that simple thing each day. Not a whole load of new and different things that mean you have to make a decision each time, just the same thing — something you'll enjoy or at least tolerate, which doesn't require any more gussying-up than sticking on a pair of jeans and a hoodie (and a mac sometimes) — most days of the week. Often you'll see the same people there time and again. If later you decide you want to do volunteering or whatever, that's cool and you'll already have that doing-something-every-day feel, but if not, that's fine too.

I hope things start to look up for you…

Oh that is so hard.

This will sound trite if you don't know the organisation but try going along to your local parkrun.

You can run, walk, volunteer or just watch. It will take some courage to go the first time but you don't need to get involved with anyone if you don't want to, but you can just go for a walk on the park. Over time you will find people to talk to then friendship and support.

I know it all sounds very simplistic but I do believe parkrun is an incredibly important development for our communities and especially people like you OP, alongside the medical help I hope you're receiving.

I've moved lots of times

Each time I move, I think of it as an adventure

I like exploring the new area, visiting, parks, shops for bargain food, markets, sport centres, libraries, join clubs, volunteer, get a new job, take photos, car boot sales, charity shops, churches etc

Secondly, nobody will know you, so you can tell people as much or as little as you like about yourself

However, if you are a stay at home kind of person, this is probably not your ideal way of life

I agree people with stable loving families are blessed and they don't realise.

I am estranged from my parents and siblings- have been for many, many years. I don't miss the abuse, but I miss the concept of family to have someone who is there for you in times of need.

Although I'm not in the same situation as you, I understand what its like to have no one.

Oh frog, i am sorry that you are in this situation. You must feel horrible. I know you said you couldnt work at present, but could you volunteer? You want some purpose to your life - perhaps volunteering could provide that. Do you prefer indoor or outdoor activities? For example, our local dog rescue is always looking for volunteer dog walkers. The Wildlife Trusts around the country are often keen to recruit volunteers. Something like this would get you out of the house and interacting with people, which is much better for your mental and emotional wellbeing.

Good luck, i really feel for you

You sound like you're having a truly shit time OP I'm so sorry for what you have been through. I have no real suggestions for you sorry I wish I did. You say you have some friends do they know just how bad things are for you? Sometimes family isn't blood it's made. I'm a couple of hundred miles from my blood family right now but I've got friends who are as good as family.

I know, life can be utterly shit. But please don't give up. You are already on a good path. You have some friends and you are sticking with therapy.
The main thing is, if you want to change, you have to instigate it. What always helped me to get up and carry on in my dark days, was my pet dog. Maybe if you are up for it, look at volunteering with animals - they will understand you better than any human. They don't judge you they are just happy to see you.

Have you got a pet?

Frog, when you say you're beginning to get old... I've just read a library book, The Choice by Edith Eger.

She recalled when she was considering going on to get her next qualification, anticipating it would take her six years to complete.

Talking to her college principal she expressed doubt. "...by the time I get to finish school I'll be fifty." The principal smiled and said, "You're going to be fifty, anyhow."

I'm 'older' in actual years but like lots of people still feel young (headwise I'm still about 23). Do you feel your age?

And, mentioning libraries, they're another place you might perhaps consider volunteering. I work in a library where we have volunteers come in for a few hours a week, or when they feel up to it. Some help customers with issuing and returning books, others get on with quietly shelving books so they're around other people but not having to interact with them. One of our volunteers comes in and helps in the work room, behind the scenes.

We're friendly in our library but we respect our volunteer's space and take our lead from them.

Edith had PTSD too. Her book is about resilience (and hope). And I admit I nearly didn't take it out in case it was too much but ended up reading it in two long sittings. It was that compelling.

How are you today?

Thank you mousetolioness- I have ordered the book.

Can we help you in any way? Are you looking for suggestions on how you could improve things gradually for yourself or do you just need hand to hold?

How are you? x

Hugs to Frog

Didn’t want to read and run so just saying hi. Whatever is behind you is behind you - try and look forward not back. So much is out there to enjoy in life. And as I’ve got older I’ve found a lot of life’s greatest pleasures aren’t at all extravagant. There is hope. Keep it. Sending hugs and positive vibes.

I'm sorry you've suffered and are suffering so much.

On the basis that helping others is something that is meaningful to you...

Sharing your story, and being a support to others are both ways you can do that already. Obviously only if it doesn't negatively affect you, but there's a lot of power from connecting with other people going through the same struggles - hearing that someone else triumphed by making it out of bed today and thinking "me too". It eases the crushing aloneness PTSD can bring.

There's Elefriends from Mind (I am assuming it is still running, I haven't checked in a while) which is anonymous and moderated. And there are PTSD communities on Twitter who are also predominantly anonymous.

By "support" I don't mean anything higher level than sharing a funny picture when someone asks for a pick me up, or letting someone know you're thinking of them, or giving someone a thumbs up for managing something tough, or sharing your tactics for getting yourself out of bed, or just sharing in a silly joke together as a moment of distraction.

You may not feel you would inspire anyone, but I think you'd be surprised. To have come through what you have, be suffering as you are, and still going to therapy and looking to the future and wanting to be able to help others... Those aren't things to be sneered at.

Frog.. you don’t have to conquer your difficulties to be able to help someone.

Sometimes it’s enough for someone to know that they’re not alone in that journey to feel motivated to get out of their hardships.

And you might feel encouraged to think positive for the sake of you both.

I found volunteering helps

Do you have group therapy? I recently had this and despite us being in varying degrees of fucked up ness most of the support came from each other. Ive had all sorts of talking therapy and couldn't really get on with it but found group therapy really helpfull. I was very sceptical about it.

You are good enough x