Sick of it

[madcatladyforever]

AIBU to be sick to fucking death of fathers day?

I never had one, I was abandoned by my "father" at birth and my DS's father abandoned him when he was very young.

Both of us are sick to the back teeth of father's day, the soppy sentiment, the weeks of cards in the shops and having it forced down our throatds at every opportunity.

Makes both of us feel like shit and is yet another thing that makes us feel that we are not a "proper" family.

I have managed to ignore it so far.
My father died and no dad for the kid either, it’s a stupid fecking hallmark day. Annoying but celebrate being both mum & dad as we’re amazing

I hear you.

I'm estranged from my father and father's day is so, so difficult. I've never stopped wanting one, just not that one.

I'm sorry but your are totally unreasonable. It's one day a year, it's hardly forced down your throat and just as it means nothing to you it does to others. You don't have to take part, just ignore it and allow those who want to celebrate it to do so.
Tolerance is a vanishing trait these days.

... and you didn't need to post what you did, kamelo, it's clear that OP is struggling and could've done without that. But, as long as you've said your piece, i hope you feel better.

That tolerance door swings both ways you know.

Who are you to tell the op it isn’t forced down her throat kamelo? You don’t know what she’d had to put up with. At no point does she say Father’s Day should be stopped.

op, it’s hard.

I'm estranged from my father too. This is the first one where I have seen all the Father's Day stuff on SM and not immediately thought of my own. I think I have made my peace with it in that respect.

I didn't even realise it was Father's Day until I saw threads popping up about it on here. And I was in a card shop last week - but I just zone into the type of card I want and ignore the others. Where have you seen it mentioned, OP?

OP

I'm struggling with it today, in fact I feel like absolute shit. My father died 14 years ago but this Father's Day has hit me like a ton of bricks. My mother died 11 years ago and it's really hit me that I've had no parents for a long time now.

I got up, walked the dog, and went back to bed.

YANBU. What are you and your DS doing today instead? Going for a walk / shopping / watching a film / eating something lovely?? Please don't wallow like I am, it isn't helping!

ScreamingValenta... about a million TV adverts. If you're not sensitised to it then you possibly wouldn't even register them.

Myriad threads today about it?
People we work with?
Friends who are lovely but forgetfully smug?

... must be the world's worst kept secret

Does anybody else with no viable 'dad' see people on the TV and say to themselves, "He would be a nice dad for me". I do.

My number one would have been Peter Ustinov but as he's no longer here, it would be Philip Jackson who plays Inspector Japp on Poirot.

Happy Father's Day, Philip, wherever you are! :)

I agree op, it's a bullshit day.

OP I can totally understand why you find it so hard and you're not unreasonable to feel so upset by it.

But I think it would be unreasonable to begrudge others who do celebrate it.

Do you celebrate Mother's Day? I would imagine you celebrate that as a little family.

Hmm... whilst I don't have the best father/daughter situation (i.e. I don't have one) I don't think it's fair to be angry with it, there's plenty of good dads out there that deserve to be celebrated.

It's no different to Mother's Day, except Mother's Day IS rammed down your throat - I'm actually shocked by how little there is in shops for Father's Day, it was DH's first one this year so I had to look.

I usually mute the adverts on TV, and I use an adblocker online - maybe this would be something the OP could try next year (or fast forward TV ads if watching on catch-up)? It hasn't been mentioned at work, but I'm in an office rather than a school or hospital etc. where there might be children around.

Sherlock, I definitely agree with that - the good ones deserve to be celebrated. My best mate is an awesome dad to his children and grandchildren and I make sure that I tell him that too. It's lovely to see even if it does make me a bit wistful. :)

I agree I hate today.
My father died when I was 9, usually I'm ok though. I understand it's nobody's fault and other people can celebrate. But today.... My DD is 14 months old and her father just disappeared 3 months ago. No warning, no sorry, no explanation. Just gone. I kind of guessed he wouldn't be a great father from his behaviour during the first 2 months of her being born, but I never thought he would do this. He's reading my messages and not answering, it hurts. And I know this is how my DD is gonna feel later in life and I don't know how I'm going to make her feel better.

Kamelo

Have a bit of sympathy. OP was having a rant and that is absolutely fine

My husband/kids dad died when the kids were really young OP so I feel your pain for your DS. However, our pain was caused by horrible circumstances that couldn't be changed. I imagine in some ways yours might be harder as the men had a choice and chose to be absent. That sucks

Someone forwarded this to me one year...

It's a tricky one OP. If you have a decent dad or your dh is a decent father to your dcs then it's nice to acknowledge your appreciation for them, but if your dad is an arsehole (like mine) then it stings a bit

Before you judge about people not liking Father's Day - imagine for one minute what it's like - before you start judging.

People who have good fathers and whose children have the same can easily afford to spare a thought for those less fortunate, surely? It's a moment out of a day to acknowledge that not everyone has the things that most people take for granted.
My husband is a good and involved father and I like it that my children have at least one of the things that I missed out on. Because of that I don't feel too sad for myself, but I feel for others who don't have even that.

I'm so sorry you are upset, Madcatladyforever, but in my experience most people don't make a big thing out of Father's Day, regarding it as overly commercialised. Soon be all over for another year, try not to think about it . PS I'm a cat lady too.

(WishIwasaBaller, these are for you: .)

OP I'm the same as you. No clue who my father is.
However, why should I complain that other people are able to celebrate it?

Should we not be happy that there are fathers out there who get to celebrate with their family that they are fathers?

I would not want my mothers day to be taken from me because other families are unlucky not to have a mother in their life. It's a day for dads and fathers. Do not input your misery into it.

Does anybody else with no viable 'dad' see people on the TV and say to themselves, "He would be a nice dad for me". I do.

When I was a kid it was Val Doonican (I know!) and now it's someone like DI Tuesday.

My dad is still alive - absolutely ancient but keeps going. I'm afraid he is not viable as a dad. I have the devil of a job finding Fathers Day cards that don't gush about how wonderful he is. Because he sure ain't wonderful.

Completely understand how you feel op

Take no notice of the bah humbugs. There's no law against feelings xx