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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Mother in laws b-day - how do I play this?

23 replies

TenDenierTights · 16/06/2019 11:09

MIL's birthday in a fortnight. How do I play this bearing in mind she hasn't "remembered" my birthday for two years, and when DH has rang her to say he was pissed off she sent me a text saying "lol it slipped my mind"...

And yet she remembers her son in laws b-day, he gets a card and £30.

OP posts:

Banhaha · 16/06/2019 11:10

Leave it to your DH to sort out? Just sign the card he buys.

Cherrysoup · 16/06/2019 11:11

Not your mother, leave it to your dh to sort.

Stressedout10 · 16/06/2019 11:11

Do nothing and when she complains say the same as she did

Shoxfordian · 16/06/2019 11:12

Its not your issue, its his mum so he sorts out the present and card

Original poster

TenDenierTights · 16/06/2019 11:12

DH knows I won't be going out to buy or even write a card. He wants to know whether he should put my name in it. I'll say yes but that will be the extent if it. Not even going to text her or wish her hbd on fb., though I would normally,

OP posts:

Hollowvictory · 16/06/2019 11:13

Do nothing. It's not your dm. We've been married 25 years and we sort out own families out. But put something on calendar now which means you are unavailable to see her on the day. Dh can still go. Obvs.

Hollowvictory · 16/06/2019 11:14

Yes let him write your name

ecuse · 16/06/2019 11:21

Don't be petty by not wishing her a happy birthday FFS. Be the bigger person!

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 16/06/2019 11:23

I'd let him write your name in the card. I just wouldn't be going out to buy said card or reminding DH to do it. Make the same level of effort for her as she does for you.

Banhaha · 16/06/2019 11:24

Oh if he's sorting it then sure, let him write your name. That should be enough for her, if she kicks up a fuss about lack of texts/Facebook then you can say oh but we sent you a card in the post so it seemed silly to wish you a happy birthday again.

NoSauce · 16/06/2019 11:25

I’d let him sort it all out, even whether your name is on the card.
Has something happened between you both?

Ash39 · 16/06/2019 11:26

I wouldn't be petty

Eustasiavye · 16/06/2019 11:28

What is there for you to do?
It's your dh's mother, surely he's old enough to sort it out himself. Yes he should put both of you On the card.

ACurlyPube · 16/06/2019 11:33

Let DH sort it. I don't use FB so I don't get the 'It doesn't count unless it's public' thing anyway.

Mrsjayy · 16/06/2019 11:34

Just let your husband sort it and put it out of your mind. Maybe her own Dd reminds her it is her husbands birthday that is why he gets a card, don't make this into a thing wish her HB on facebook and move on.

Original poster

TenDenierTights · 16/06/2019 11:36

@NoSauce Nothing has happened between us. Shes not the most pleasant woman and she's always got a problem with someone at any one time. I've been lovely to her through the years, sometimes she's been lovely back, other tines you get stony silence from her. I wouldn't be that bothered about the birthdays but two years on the trot isn't a mistake and sending a text that said "lol I forgot" was a bit shitty I thought. I would like to think that if that were my son's partner and I genuinely forgot I would have bought a belated card and maybe sent flowers or something. I certainly wouldn't send a shitty text laughing about it.

OP posts:

paddington34 · 16/06/2019 11:38

Let your DH sort it and on the day he can take it around to her house while your have other plans because lol you forgot.

LadyRannaldini · 16/06/2019 11:39

Sounds like the year that after years of 'What have we got Mum for Christmas?' I flipped and he said, like a martyr, 'Forget it, I'll deal with it', so I did and he didn't! Come the 25th he was in a total panic, lovely.

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 16/06/2019 11:44

How about:

Happy birthday you old trout

Hope it's your last
From op.
Let dh write your name and imagine you wrote my version.

ACurlyPube · 16/06/2019 12:22

Sometimes you have to be very clear. For years I made a big effort and put loads of though into gifts for DH's family. Then they treated us terribly. I still continued for a couple of years, then it began to grate, so I said to DH 'I resign from this. They are your family, I am no longer dealing with them'. I have no idea if any of them have got birthday or Christmas gifts/cards since. I really don't care tbh. I give them no head space at all.

ChicCroissant · 16/06/2019 12:30

Don't 'play it' - just wish her a happy birthday. Your DH can sort the card/gift but don't play games.

Mrsjayy · 16/06/2019 12:36

If she is off with you you just need to be neutral with her ime of late Mil being neutral kept me sane she was a difficult woman at best but I tried not to invest too much emotional energy into it and we got on fine.

Cookit · 16/06/2019 12:38

I get on fine with my MIL but I don’t do anything for her birthday - that’s for her son to sort. Just as I sort my Mother’s.

He can write your name in. If it’s all in his handwriting it’s clearly all come from him anyway.

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