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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My ex forcing me to change schools

39 replies

Daisyrock04 · 16/06/2019 09:31

I split with my aggressive ex nearly 4 years ago and we’ve since shared custody of my son. He’s now due to start school and been registered, had his school visits, been allocated his buddy for starting and has friends from nursery in his class. The school is within area I live and same school his big brother attends.
My ex got jealous over the weekend as I was away for work conference as he suspected I was away with a guy!! (Aye right he’s put me off for life).
He’s now sending constant messages that our son will not be going to that school, calling it a shithole and saying it’s all to suit me. He says we have to pick a school half way between our homes so as he can stick to his days (Wednesday-Saturday). He has said for over a year he was going to get a flat closer so he can stick to the deans when wee one starts school. He has lived with his parents since our split though and I think he’s incapable of living independently so it’s more about him needing his parents to support him.
I also worry if he’s adamant about sticking to these days my wee one will have to travel during rush out on a busy motorway taking about and hour both ways.
Sorry for rant, this is my first time posting on anything like this and I just don’t know how to resolve this, he’s very aggressive and I don’t want to aggravate his temper but I don’t want to give in to this one like o have with all his other demands, I have 3 boys and life in mornings is tough enough trying to get them all out the door and get myself to work without them having to travel half way across the city to take wee man to school.

OP posts:

endofthelinefinally · 16/06/2019 10:38

You can report the assault on your son now.
Did you see a GP or other hcp at the time?
I agree with everyone saying ignore ex. If he wants to sort out a school application let him crack on. He would have to prove that ds's home address is in catchment for the school he wants. He has no idea how difficult and time consuming it is to get a school place.
Contact is not currently court ordered. If he can't do the school run, offer him every other w/e and half the holidays.
He can take you to court if he wants. I doubt he would make the effort.
Make sure the school knows the back ground.

hibbledibble · 16/06/2019 10:50

Say no, then don't engage further. You are making a decision on schooling based on your son's best interests. It's very unlikely that a court would overrule that, even if he did 'take you to court'.

Since he has been so aggressive, and he has no visitation rights, is any contact un your child's best interests? Would it be best to get a formal order, and perhaps seek supervised contact?

Original poster

Daisyrock04 · 16/06/2019 11:05

I sought advice from a lawyer previously who sent letter with my proposed days and possible arrangements for holidays/ Xmas etc. He went mad and phoned the lawyer shouting his head off and she more or less told me she didn’t want to deal with the case!!

OP posts:

RB68 · 16/06/2019 11:13

England and wales advice would be to sort out a court order than covers 1. Residency - it needs to be with you and then he can't stop you sending to x schol on a whim has to have good reason AND go to court for approval 2.covers contact to officialise it and 3. confirms the school he will go to so it can't be changed without going back to court. He does sound lazy so if this is put in place he will unlikely challenge it once agreed as theat is time money and effort. Scotland may be different but won't be massively so but you would need to spk to a lawyer

mycatismeowican · 16/06/2019 11:17

You need legal advice. I can't imagine a judge will allow the child to be moved because dad has an anger and jealousy problem

Frazzled2207 · 16/06/2019 12:36

What a difficult situation. Are the older sons not his? I wouldn't worry about the school thing however I would be worried about the ex bringing your son to school on a Thursday and Friday. Presumably these things have to be agreed legally.

Broombroomshaketheroom · 16/06/2019 12:54

He can't force you. Ignore him OP. If you are the primary parent he gets no say tbh anyway. Your child is registered and due to begin. Crack on and ignore him.

Document everything he says and keep it on record. Sounds like you'll need it one day.

checkeredredshorts · 16/06/2019 12:59

Singleandproud

Who made you thread police?! Doesn't matter if it's posted twice she's looking for help and advice.

I would ignore ex, you are main career and your son needs to go to a school where he is close to home, friends and family. I don't think you can be forced to change his school because your ex is stamping his feet saying it's not fair

GummyGoddess · 16/06/2019 13:02

Get a better lawyer, find one who has dealt with that type of person before.

Your ex won't do a 4 hour round trip to school daily for pick up and drop off (if he's 2 hours away?). He will tell everyone you're preventing access when he decides 8 hours in a car on school days is rubbish and stops having your DC so much when it is his choice. Does it really matter what he tells people?

Jeffter · 16/06/2019 14:29

Speak to your local Women's Aid, they will be able to put you in touch with a solicitor who has experience with dickhead ex's. Good luck

Pinkmouse6 · 16/06/2019 14:35

Ignore him, no court will rule in his favour. He’s just being a dick and doesn’t have DS’s best interests at heart.

Original poster

Daisyrock04 · 20/06/2019 07:39

Thank you everyone, ur advice has really made me think about what to do to finally put my foot down. I’ve spoken to school who knew situation with him from when I first moved to the area so they have assured me they will not allow him to deregister. They also said we can have separate parents meetings etc so I have minimal contact with him. Next step is woman’s aid and finding a lawyer. I’m not having him do this to me anymore:

OP posts:

billy1966 · 20/06/2019 08:04

Good for you OP.
Wishing you strength and the very best.

codemonkey · 20/06/2019 08:10

He punched your son? I think I'd be seeking advice from women's aid or similar, compiling a case and stopping all contact with the children, pursuing a restraining order re. harassment and cutting him from my life completely.

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