Father's Day. I've failed my son already.

[ffsffsffsffs]

I had a child with an emotionally abusive man. Deep down I know he was awful even before I was pregnant and I should have left. What's done is done and I have the most beautiful, happy, content little boy.

He hasn't seen his dad for months now. This is all down to me, as I have an injunction against him (due to abuse) so he can't come near me, and he is a danger to his son. He's taking me to court.

I am feeling incredibly down today. Weirdly, I feel sorry for my ex. He's sat at home in Father's Day without his son. I desperately want to get rid of this sense of pity as I know he deserves none of it.

I feel like I have failed my son, and hate that he now too will have an abusive man in his life forever.

I advise anybody who knows they are in a similar situation not to have children with this type of man and leave. My son was not a mistake and I would never reverse the decision to have him, however I do wish he had a better Dad.

AIBU to be an utter mess today?

You don’t get legal aid because the other party is violent. It is a means based benefit which is only available in the most extreme cases of financial hardship.

@TanMateix I get legal aid because of DV and I'm on unpaid maternity leave.

You are getting it because you are in maternity leave not because he was violent, it is a means tested benefit based on household income.

But good that you have that covered. Try to enjoy the baby and relax while he is out of the picture, otherwise you would drive yourself crazy with worry. For better or worse dads who have not been very involved tend to disappear in time, let’s hope he looses interest and leave you both to live in peace with no fear.

@TanMateix it's actually both. If I didn't have proof of domestic violence I wouldn't have got legal aid.

Op.

I grew up without a dad and dont feel I missed out at all. Your son has you, he's safe. And that's all he will ever need.

Treat yourself, you are Mum and Dad. What's done is done, you did the right thing, stop beating yourself up.

You did the right thing. I didn't for years. I got out a couple of years ago. Spoken to dc today about the day.
Child 1 when asked about Father's day: 'Is it?' Oh well.
Child 2. Sent him a message, 'only because I can't be bothered with the fall out, I'm on holiday ffs.'
Child 3. 'Yeah, I know, he can go fuck himself, he'd have ruined it anyway.'
So, no, you've stopped your son from having to cope with years of pain and disappointment.