Friends or "friends"?

[blahblah88]

A friend recently told me (during an argument) that every time she tells me that she's not feeling great about something I diminish and demean how she feels by saying "at least you have a husband". I'm really hurt by her feeling like that. I've literally said it once or twice to her, not every time, and it was meant to be a reassurance as I know he would do anything for her, not a diminishment. During a conversation where I tried to open up to her about how lonely I feel, she said that she also feels lonely, to which I said "well then we should spend more time together" but she automatically just said "oh I don't have time for that"

If I want to spend any time with them at all I always have to work around their plans, resulting in the fact that the whole time we've been friends we haven't done anything I've wanted to do because everything has been me "tagging along" with them. Which I don't do very often as I know they need their time together.

Any time I get upset about it I'm made to feel like I'm not allowed to be upset. I don't always choose my words carefully but there are reasons for that, which they are aware of, and literally only twice have I messed up in that respect. The small number of other times I've brought up the issue I've been very respectful.

AIBU to expect them to put more work in? They keep saying they can't because they're married, so their lives come first, which I get to an extent.

They don't sound like great friends tbh, if they can't find the time ti spend with you one on one.

Do you usually ask them last minute so they say "we were planning to do xyz but you're welcome to tag along". Maybe try inviting your friend to a specific thing at a specific time rather than general.
Send a message with "would you like to come for afternoon tea on Sunday 4th August" and see what the response is.

I don’t think she sounds like a great friend either. Broaden your circle OP.

You need different friends OP.
She's playing the 'my life is harder than your life' game and sucking you into it. Ditch her.

I don’t think they sound like great friends. Can you find some new friends instead of relying on this couple who sound disinterested?

Actually, It does sound like you don't really listen to what she's saying.
When she says shes feeling lonely and you then dismiss it with 'at least you have your husband's. Maybe she's trying to start a confession about her terrible marriage? Which you just dismissed.
You sound like you are competing with her.
But it could also be you're both not great friends to each other.
More information needed.

@Stayawayfromitsmouth I do try to not be dismissive with the way I say it - like, I've only said it once or twice and I've always made sure to also say that we could do more stuff together and I've offered to introduce her to my other friends. I get that it may have come across as dismissive even if it wasn't the intention.

If I ask too close to the time then they already have plans, but if I ask in advance I get a response of "we don't know what we're doing then" which makes me feel like I'm only going to be considered if nothing better comes along. They also don't really confirm anything with me until last minute - to the point where if we do actually have plans I often have to get up early because I don't know what time we're supposed to leave it. It's really hard and when I've tried to talk about it nothing has changed.

I think there's too much emotional intensity and wondering about the meaning of what each of you said to the other for this to be a comfortable, easy friendship.

sorry but I agree with the posters who say these people sound disinterested and don't sound like they're bothered about being being friends with you.

Leave them to it, move on and make other friends - people you like who actually are interested in spending time with you. X

I'm really trying but there's very little opportunity to make friends around here. I've been trying since I moved 5 years ago. I haven't given up but it's hard and lonely.

There is an event on this weekend that we had talked about going to together. I know people forget things but they told me that if they didn't mention which day they were going on then that meant they weren't going so I didn't ask again. Turns out they went yesterday. I didn't say anything when I found out as we've had a couple of arguments lately but now I wish I had said. There was nothing stopping me going on my own if I thought they weren't going but I just didn't fancy being on my own at a big event. So I know I could've gone if I'd really pushed myself to. I thought about going today but the weather is too bad to justify the high entrance fee (it's an outdoor event).

Unfortunately it sounds like they don't want to hang out with you. Sorry to say you need to move onwards and almost certainly upwards. I too find it hard to make friends so no advice.