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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be worried about my nephews?

8 replies

Flowerrose · 15/06/2019 20:47

I recently spent a few days with my Dsis, her partner and their two sons ages 5 and 8 and some of the things they did around them shocked me quite a bit. They regularly swore in front of them, I even heard DN1 swearing himself a few times, I told him he shouldn't be saying that but my sister didn't bat an eyelid at it. They also had a horror film on infront of them one night and they talked about playing inappropriate video games for their ages. I wasn't completely unaware of any of this beforehand but I don't see them as regulary as I did a few years ago and having spent a few days with them it's clear it's affecting their behaviour quite a bit. I also know they often smoke weed in the house and a few others things but that's the jist of it. I know people have different ways of parenting but I do find this quite worrying, this could really affect how they are as adults. I know my sisters loves them, they're looked after fine, clean and tidy and fed but she seems so oblivious of their behaviour, they're never told off or punished. I think it has a lot to do with her partner, she was a different person before she met him. I'm just not sure how to approach this, should I just keep out of it or should I say something? Our DM is quite concerned too but doesn't want to say anything. I did correct my DNs behaviour a few times but she'd just wave it off and say "leave him to it he's fine" or something along those lines. I don't want them to grow up thinking it's fine to shout and swear when they don't get their own way and sitting down my sister and properly speaking to her about it might help but then it also might just start an argument between us

OP posts:
Flowerrose · 15/06/2019 21:12

Bump

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Flowerrose · 15/06/2019 22:20

Bump

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Smellbellina · 15/06/2019 22:24

If you’re concerned you should say something. The horror movies and and smoking weed in the house would bother me

Bookworm4 · 15/06/2019 22:27

What ages are the DC? Is your sister approachable?

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 15/06/2019 22:28

Hi OP

I think different people parent in different ways so although I would cringe a bit I don't think it's a disaster

It would bother me more that her behaviour has changed a lot since meeting a new partner. In my opinion people who change like that are either being controlled or abused or had very low self esteem if they are doing things they previously wouldn't have considered

If you have corrected them in front of you and she has disagreed with you then I doubt there is much you can do. I think your mum is right and it would just alienate her.

If I was you I'd just keep close to her and spend some time with your nephews - offer to take them out on their own etc. Be someone with firm boundaries and so.eone they can talk to. Model good behaviour. They will see there is another way to live and that's a big thing

Idratherhaveacupoftea · 15/06/2019 22:29

They are 5 & 8 it says so.

Flowerrose · 15/06/2019 22:30

They're 5 and 8, I would say she is fairly approachable but can get annoyed easily sometimes, I can't exactly predict how she would react

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Flowerrose · 15/06/2019 22:56

Honestly I do think her and her partner aren't great for eachother but obviously it's her choice who she's with. I think he has influenced her quite a bit, before meeting him she wouldn't have touched weed and hated people swearing in front of children but then they've been together for about 10 years and I can't expect someone to be the exact same person they were 10 years old. It is probably best I don't say anything but I'll definitely try to be more involved in my nephews lives, I would be but it's difficult as I don't live close by and have my own DC now

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