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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Miscarriage

9 replies

Brighteyes81 · 15/06/2019 17:59

Hi,
Never posted on here but have followed some threads regarding miscarriage and want/need to somehow get my experience written down and hopefully have some advice on what I do now.
Over two weeks ago, at 6 weeks 4 days pregnant, I started to with brown discharge. No pain. But panicked and went to A&E where they examined and told me my cervix was closed and they couldn’t see any bleeding. We went home with a scan at the EPU booked for the Tuesday, 4 days later. About five minutes before we were due to leave for the scan, I had a gush of bright red blood. Not much but enough to convince me it was bad news. We arrived and had the scan and we were both shocked and delighted to see a strong heartbeat and have it confirmed there was no bleeding coming from the pregnancy and I was 7 weeks. Went home relieved but over the following days the bleeding increased with some small clumps and by Friday we were back in the EPU. I was re- examined and told cervix was closed but it was looking like a threatened miscarriage. We paid for a private scan the following day and once again were amazed that there was still a strong heartbeat. They also put the pregnancy at 7 weeks and 6 days and said growth was all promising. The sonographer said she could see an area outside the gestational sac which looked like bruising or recovering haematoma but assured us that everything looked fine. That evening, I had increased bleeding and period pain-type cramping. Bad enough that I needed some paracetamol. We had seen all the information about extra chorionic haematoma and saw it said there could be increased bleeding, clots and cramping so we assumed it was linked to that. The bleeding continued through the week however and by the Wednesday I passed some larger clots (size of 50p pieces) so we contacted the EPU. We saw a consultant who offered us a scan the following day. We went for it and devastatingly were told the news we had dreaded. That there was now no heartbeat and the baby was measuring 7 weeks 3 days (smaller than our scan the previous Saturday). It would seem the cramping and bleed after the private scan were a sign of losing the baby. It was explained to us that we had a range of options available and we decided that after two weeks of heavy bleeding and heartache we would go for surgical assistance (D&C) under general anaesthetic. Yesterday (Friday) we were in hospital for 7.30am the following day and had an agonising day’s wait to be told at 6.30pm that we wouldn’t be able to have the surgery as there were two emergency cases. We went home absolutely drained and depressed. I think the hospital took pity on us and rescheduled for this morning, despite not usually doing this type of surgery on a weekend. So this morning, at 9.20am I had the procedure. Staff were so kind and compassionate and I was surprised by how little pain there was. I’ve also got a lot less bleeding now than I’ve had for the last two weeks. I’m feeling a strange sense of calm and almost relief but at the same time shell shocked and devastated and like I don’t know how we will ever get back to ‘normal’. I realise this has been an outpouring of information and possible tmi. Just needed to get it down somewhere and hopefully hear some stories of positive futures for anyone else who has gone through the same 😢💔

OP posts:
WhatToDoMrShoo · 15/06/2019 18:07

So sorry OP. This is awful, please be kind to yourself Flowers life can be so cruel sometimes.

like I don’t know how we will ever get back to ‘normal’

This stood out for me. It's exactly how I felt and what I said to my partner at the time. I couldn't see anything ever being ok again. It gets easier though, just allow yourself proper time to grieve. Don't worry about being normal right now, you'll get there but there is no rush.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 15/06/2019 18:10

How terrible, OP. I'm truly sorry you've had this horrendous thing happen to you.

I hope it brings you some comfort to you to point out that despite the fact that the onset of bleeding happened gradually, and you were told between the earlier scans that things were looking fine, if a miscarriage is underway there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to prevent it. Medical intervention couldn't have stopped this outcome, even if you'd known from the first EPU scan. It would just have been a sad process of waiting it out. Many such instances are also sadly determined from the moment of conception. It was nothing you did, and what happened was absolutely not your fault.

I've been here five times OP, and am very familiar with the kind of pain you are having to face right now. I'm so very sorry. And although I know it can be unhelpful to hear this when you're suffering in the here-and-now, things WILL get better. For now, allow yourself the space to grieve and be gentle with yourself.

Flowers for you.

PJLove80 · 15/06/2019 18:11

I have gone through exactly the same scenario twice. Within one cycle after each miscarriage (literally exactly the same as you described heartbeat right growth etc) I conceived Dd and Ds. I had bleeding in both of my pregnancies too - good luck for the future

Unusualusernames · 15/06/2019 22:39

OP I'm so sorry for your loss. My mum has a miscarriage and went on to have three healthy children. I'm not even sure if that's a useful thing to hear for you but I couldn't read and run because I wanted you to know that you're not alone x

AloneLonelyLoner · 15/06/2019 22:44

I'm so sorry. It's awful and can be one of life's hardest experiences. I think it was especially hard because you had had positive scans also. I have had 6 miscarriages (7babies lost) and they have been good, bad and some downright ugly. Give yourself time to heal and allow yourself all the different emotions that come with grief. You can't skip it.

Positively I have now 5(yes 5!) children. There is life after miscarriage, but I understand not feeling normal. The first weeks of pregnancy are in many ways the longest of your life so when you are no longer pregnant it can be a shock again, every morning when you remember.
It will get better. I promise.

cadburyegg · 15/06/2019 22:47

I’m very sorry for your loss OP it truly is horrendous.

2 years ago I had a missed miscarriage, baby died at 8+3 but I didn’t bleed until the day of my 12 week scan. It was very traumatic, I lost a lot of blood, stayed in hospital, had to go back twice, finally had a d&c then got an infection. I felt very black for some time, and the only thing I wanted to get up for was my then 2 year old. I’d say it took about 3 months for things to look less black. I was extremely lucky to fall pregnant again not long after and although it was complicated he is now 15 months old. But I’ll never forget the little one I lost. It was a huge thing in my life and changed me as a person.

Sending hugs your way xx

LillyLeaf · 15/06/2019 22:55

So sorry you went through this op. I had a 2nd miscarriage this week and I'm exhausted with the emotional side. You'll have good and bad days over the next few months but hopefully we'll get through this.

Brighteyes81 · 15/06/2019 23:03

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. And so very sorry to hear some of you have experienced MC too. It really is the most brutal, harrowing thing I've had to deal with. Have a lovely partner and amazing family around me though and I know they won't let me fall apart completely.

xxx

OP posts:
Brighteyes81 · 15/06/2019 23:04

Lillyleaf especially sorry you've gone through this too so recently. Life is just cruel at times 💔Thanks

OP posts:
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