Before you married, did you ever get really scared one of you might die soon? Aibu?

[Whattocookfordinnertonight]

I get married very soon to someone I love deeply, who makes me feel so loved. We are busy with exciting things, obviously have normal life stress too so overall a lot going on, but at times I feel an awful anxiety and pain in case one of us dies soon

My DP is incredibly precious to me, and I can't deal with the idea of us being separated by death too early. I lost my mother at a fairly young age so maybe I'm scared in case I lose the person I love best in the world all over again.

Aibu weirdly anxious because of the grief in my past, or is this something that came up for you before you got married?

No, but then I regarded marriage as completely irrelevant to our relationship, though necessary on practical grounds.

I had similar before I got married, but the only death I experienced prior to that was my grandad.

My DH and I went on a few work trips in the months leading up to our wedding and I was terrified each time that something might happen to my DH whilst either of us was gone. It faded after the wedding - I still occasionally worry about it but it's not so overwhelming as it was in the lead up to our wedding.

I suppose where I use the word married I also include anyone who is committing to each other. Having a child together etc. Deciding to be each other's family, in whatever way that works for the individuals.

I didn't mean to attach a significance to marriage as a religious or legal act, more the committed partnership.

My DH and I went on a few work trips in the months leading up to our wedding and I was terrified each time that something might happen to my DH whilst either of us was gone. It faded after the wedding - I still occasionally worry about it but it's not so overwhelming as it was in the lead up to our wedding.

@TORDEVAN yes that sounds very familiar. I am glad yours faded, that must have been a relief. I hope mine does.

I did and still do... 5 years later.

I also dealt with grief and loss at a young age, but both my father and FIL died in the 4 weeks before our wedding which further compounded the problem.

It's quite normal I think to be anxious of loss, I think you just need to be able to close the door on it. If it's starting to take over your life then I'd see a doctor.

Congratulations, btw!

Yes I was like this. I think, because I couldn't believe my good fortune and felt it would be taken from me.

15 years later I still can't believe my good fortune and he's still here.

I used to get distraught at the thought one of us would die before the other, and how awful it would be for the one left behind. It had passed by the time he fucked off with someone else, though

It was a phase I had for about a year, in all seriousness, but it did pass on its own.

Watching with interest. I was gonna write a post exactly like yours. Getting married in 2 months and love DP more than anything. I dont know what I would do if anything happened to him and get increasingly worried about him - just anything, him going to work, out at the weekend driving. Hopefully we can learn how to cope and not let it run our life

I have long had a weird gut feeling that DH is going to die a long time before me. I don't know why, he's fit and healthy, loves exercise and eating well but sometimes I just become convinced that he will be gone by the time he's 50/55 (he's 35 now). I've never told him this obviously...

I wouldn't say that I am madly in love with him at this moment in time (married 8 years, 1 DC, another on the way, bogged down with life a bit) but I would be utterly lost if he does die young.

Maybe these feelings are just your way of realising just how much you love him.

What is the alternative - don't marry him? This seems like quite a pointless worry.