AIBU to ask my husband to do this?

[Namechangedtoprotect]

Dh and I have been together 17 years. We adopted our children when they were 4 and dh gave up work to care for them. This made the best sense as I was the higher earner and enjoyed my job. Since school he's worked part time on a low wage to work around the DT and give them the support they need. One DT has additional needs which means traditional wrap around and holiday care isn't really an option. In the last nine months my life has imploded, I lost my mum, my role has increased by a third with no extra support or money and my Nan has gone downhill. I'm on the edge all the time and already had a week off work with stress.
I proposed to dh I leave work without a new job (I've been looking for months but it's a tough market) and take the six weeks holiday to look after DT. In the meantime he can do his dream job which we struggle with when I'm working and can potentially earn a fair amount. Then in September I will look for contract work and get a fixed contract to keep money coming in whole we sort out a long term plan. We may have to dip into savings but surely that's better then me becoming broken? I can't see a way out of the prison I'm in and this break would really help?

It's worth a try and could work out for both of you.

You are not BU to ask.

He would not BU to have concerns about the long term implications to your family. There seem to be a lot of uncertainties in your plan - he could potentially earn money from his dream job, you could potentially find contract work.

From a practical point of view: how long could you sustain yourself on savings in a worst case scenario?

Could you go to your gp get signed off for longer term get referred for some counselling and while off look at other work. At least you'll get some sick pay as you don't want financial stress too.

It all sounds too vague, and full of maybes.

With your current situation you don't seem to be thinking straight.

So maybe a re-think us needed- rational and with the emotion taken out?

Not unreasonable to discuss it. Bit it wouldn't be unreasonable of your dh not to want to change either. I think it would be unreasonable to leave with his agreement or another job to go to.

So he does his dream.job for just 6 weeks?

Thanks everyone
DH dream job is very hit and miss and more work is available in the summer. If he could get consistent work he could do it more but actually very few people make a living out of it.

I spoke to dh, he didn't say no and finally he's appreciated how bad things are for me. He's put in a bit of a road map (do a, b, c first at work to see what happens) but understands my plan. In an ideal world I would get a permanent job and move with a few weeks break but the market is flat. I've been trying for months, had a few interviews but think because my self confidence is ultra low and my anxiety is sky high I'm not the best candidate.

I've recently been in a similar situation, op. Had my last day in my super stressful job yesterday and not come down yet! I completely relate to what you are saying about not being in the best place to sell yourself in an interview, that's how it's been for me. A friend died at the end of January and I think that's had a large part to play too.

I applied for a job at 1 grade lower where I currently work, which I start on Monday. There's no management responsibility and it's 4 days, so I am taking a Wednesday off each week to catch up with home stuff and collect my DCs from school. Is something like that an option for you?

That said, I'm not sure yet how it will go. I'm still in close proximity to my old role. If nothing else, at least I get a break mid week.

I think I would go off sick for a couple of month instead of leaving. Job is still there if you cannot find another and you will get paid (presumably).

If the market was buoyant then I was probably be more positive but with you saying

but the market is flat. I've been trying for months, had a few interviews but think because my self confidence is ultra low and my anxiety is sky high I'm not the best candidate.

makes me think you need to be really cautious. Getting a job when you don’t have one already, are clearly desperate and have no bargaining power is difficult.

Lots to think about
I was thinking about working as a contractor for a bit - easier to get work as nota big commitment and better fot me in the short term. Also money tends to be better. Ideal for me would be work 10 months of the year and have the summer off but I know that's unlikely. We have a fair few months salary in the bank saved just incase.
I'm worried that long term sick would look worse to a prospective employer then summer off to be with my children

Might be better to go part time.

Can you take a sabatical from work over summer and see how things work out with your partners work?

Our company doesn't do sabbaticals, I guess I could ask for unpaid parental leave and see if that would be an option but I'm guessing not

By law you can take unpaid parental leave for a child under 18. www.workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/time-off-work/

I suppose I could apply for parental leave and if they postpone it I could hand in my notice. We could mange with 4 weeks unpaid using savings and it's a bit more certain.

How many months do you have in savings? With a hard Brexit looming it seems crazy to ditch your steady income. Better to try to sort out your workload problem and get the MH support you need if at all possible.

I've got 16k, jointly we have approx 10k and dh has a large inheritance he's saving for a rainy day. I know it's a waste just to spend savings on living costs but they were saved for a reason and we didn't need it then so taking a couple of thousand for a work break seems reasonable to me. Especially as me being off enables dh to work.