Tragic Events & Aftermath (Trigger Warning!!)

[BearRabbitPants]

Posting in AIBU for traffic.
I was just wondering to myself about the aftermath of tragic events, in the very first minutes, hours, days after the event.. for example 9/11, or the London Bombings.
I suppose I've pondered Upon this as I visited London at the weekend with DH and a horrible fleeting thought went through my mind that if there happened to be a terror attack & we were killed our children would be orphaned ! (Very morbid I know, apologies!)
Has anyone experienced a tragic event & it's immediate aftermath? Or helped someone caught up in one of these events? Or worked for ambulance/fire services- maybe saved a life? I know we hear a lot on the news reports but I just can not fathom out how someone IRL copes with witnessing or being a victim of such an event & continuing with those memories... I find it so upsetting still when I think of the people that jumped from the World Trade Center , and the services that cleared the wreckage & what they must have seen...

I can't imagine what people who stayed would go through

A shitload of sav blanc, lol .

We had a lot of friends who left, either temporarily or permanently immediately after. We couldn't - both cars petrol tanks were dry! And looters were treating the whole thing as a business opportunity. Plus DH's work.

It was an interesting time, that's for sure. A friend of mine died. I didn't find out until after the funeral, because of how bad comm's were. It was devastating.

I'll shut up now - apologies to OP for derailing and monopolising the thread! Good to 'meet' you, Carla.

I’m emergency services. I would say for me the effect is more a drip drip and also compounded by dealing with conflict and unpredictable behaviour as well as trauma iyswim. Almost 20 years of dealing with conflict, high alert and the threat of terrorism means I don’t like loud noises or crowded places. I notice everything off duty and cannot un notice things. I see risk everywhere and chose to live in a very rural area so as to seek solace in nature. I am very aware of where I sit in public for instance. I cannot have my back to a room.
As for dead people, I don’t know how I deal with it, I honestly don’t dwell on it. I switch off after the initial off loading to my DH (same job) and that suits me. We have a good team and we go for the old fashioned approach-cup of tea, chat if needed and to be honest yes there is a gallows humour and wry comments. There is support available, I haven’t felt I needed it but I know plenty who have.

I think it’s very unfair to say people who are stoic are emotionally underdeveloped. I’m stoic and I compartmentalise but it’s not always roses, it comes out in physical symptoms rather than emotional, but also sometimes I’m glad I’m good at it, sorry! My meds actually make me less compartmentalised but I dont think it’s somethjng to be rude about

@TheDarkPassenger
I apologise for causing you offence. As I said, I was thinking of people I have actually met and known, and I'm not saying that everyone that is stoic is.

Not a major event but I was held up at knife point for a few hours one night by a patient along with 3 other nurses.
I had been called in as an extra just as I was about to tuck into a Friday take away.
I had almost managed to talk him down and he had taken some meds when the police riot squad stormed in and restrained him.
I locked myself in the bathroom and could hear all the commotion and was terrified that he would over power the police and kill everyone and leave me locked in the bathroom which was easily opened from outside.
I also felt really sad for the patient.
I was fine after and just cracked on with life but recently (about 25 years later) I reacted very badly to a scene in a movie which really shocked me.
So it obviously sits some where deep in your mind.

I was on duty in resus when Piper Alpha oil rig blew up off Aberdeen
I still remember the awful distress of the relatives as they found out their husbands/ boyfriends had not survived, when the helicopters brought no new survivors to hospital, only dead bodies
I survived on adrenaline for that shift and when I saw a survivor that I'd helped treat being interviewed on TV was when it really struck home
this was in the 80's before the Internet and social media...no counselling was offered and as staff we just had to get on with it

I have had 2 major events. I was violently raped when I was 13, this was in the late 60s and things were very different to how they are now so it wasn’t even reported to the Police. The only time I remember it is when people ask me why I don’t have children because I suffered some internal injuries which prevented me from concieving. I also feel uncomfortable around men who smell of beer in situations where they could pose a threat.

The other was the Harrod’s bomb in which I suffered minor physical injury. I had my young niece with me though and although she was fine I felt awful that I had put her in danger.

I am very lucky though because when something is over I find that I can put it behind me and move forward very quickly. My brain just seems to accept that it’s happened and it’s done. Obviously I think about these events sometimes but I feel quite detached from them.

@mboznc - ah that's very sad. Sorry to hear.

Nice to 'meet' you too x

@mbosnz no worries it's been interesting to hear both of your experiences and I expect it's been nice to speak to someone who has been through the same thing and come out the other side strong!

@EstuaryBird so very sorry to hear about your awful experiences. And I'm sorry that your attacker did not get the justice he deserved- the creature should have been castrated.

I nearly lost my DP recently to sepsis. I found him in a terrible state and rang the emergency services. During the time he was in hospital I was incredibly calm and collected for the sake of him and our children (I did loose nearly a stone however). It's only now he is home and on the mend that it hits me like a brick most days how close we came to having our world ripped from us. Not on terrorist attack scale but the absolute end of the world for us.

More than a third of first responders suffer from some level of PTSD / trauma related mental health issues according to recent info, although I suspect it’s higher but many are still too concerned to admit having a problem due to concerns around job security / lack of understanding from higher ranks that’s may make decisions on their careers.

I tend to be very calm and relaxed at moments of crisis, (but I’m also well medicated for various medical conditions so sure some of it is that the various meds dampen my feelings / emotions generally! ) to point it’s been remarked upon by emergency responders, but my brain also seems to do that ‘blocking things out’ protection reaction and so I don’t actually recall the details of a number of the situations, but I’m sure its purely lucky for me and not because im extra resilient or any thing and in fact the fact that that my brain blocks things out would suggest I’m actually actually less resilient! But the calmness at moment of need is at least helpful I guess

@Butterbeeeen I can imagine how tough that must have been for you and what a strain on your mental health it has 'being okay for the kids sake' ... glad to hear DH is now okay

@OldSiam thank you for all that you do. You have given so much to help others, at a cost to your own mental health. The public are in debt to the emergency services & I have the greatest respect for you all.