How Involved are you're DD's / DD's Dad?

[Michelle1691]

Just curious, but separated or married how involved are your dads out there?

I have two DD's twins, I am married to their dad, and a 10 year old step son who comes every weekend and holidays. It seems to me that a lot of dads get a bad rep when they have been separated or not being as actively involved. I feel we have a very good relationship with my stepsons mum, and i'm confident she feels the same way, it hasn't always been plain sailing but i do feel we are there now. I was just wondering if other people have found separating from their children's biological fathers a similar experience? is it straight forward or very difficult?
Are they involved as much as you would like?
just curious if we are one of the lucky ones and what other peoples experiences are. -=) xx

It seems to me that a lot of dads get a bad rep when they have been separated or not being as actively involved.

I think they should get a bad rep if they are not actively involved. My ex hasn’t seen our kids for 2 years and hasn’t paid a penny-his choice.

Oh wow, still amazes me that people do that out of choice. Maybe actively involved was bad choice wording. I meant involement due to schooling etc in comparrison to if they were at home resident with them.

I just mean alot of dads get tarred with the same brush. Im sure you are doing an amazing job with your two beautiful babies and they are very lucky to have you =) xx

Ex sees DD fairly regularly, though since he's started his new job a lot less. He refuses to pay anything for her. I think he's a shit for that and for all the affairs he had when we were together, as well as all the mind games and was he treated me when we broke up.

I think dads in general tend to get a bad rep because most break ups with kids involved are very tricky indeed and it's very easy for children to be used as a weapon whether you intend for it or not.

I think sometimes for men when the relationship ends it also ends with the children, I think some men find it hard to separate the ex and the children. My ex only ever wanted to see them if he could come round my house and sleep over he refused to ever take them.

Wow. Just wow. I know some people can tell some awful stories with or without their children involved. But id of thought itd have got better with time. Maybe im just an optomistic person. Xx

Some women use children as a weapon and prevent access and involvement. How many times on here do you see the advice (a) dont put him on the birth cert (b) dont give the baby his name - it's all about control, not for the childs best interests

My ex sees 2 out of 3 kids 1 overnight every 14 days.

He's gone from involved Dad (mopping up sick when they are ill etc ) to barely knowing the kids at all. He couldn't name you a single friend of DD's and she's been at the same school for 5 years. I think he knows the name of their school but I'm pretty sure that he's never set foot inside and has never read the newsletter (available on the website) or had the school send him reports etc

The separation itself has been fine. He's never dicked about with money or contact and in an emergency he'd definitely race over to help. There's been no petty crap between us like I read on here.

How many times on here do you see the advice (a) dont put him on the birth cert (b) dont give the baby his name - it's all about control, not for the childs best interests

The birth certificate can be amended quite easily so that Dad is included.

Having one parent's surname as a middle name or double barrelling should happen more often imho- especially when there is scrutiny of surnames at airports etc Many women keep their surnames upon marriage - the dad's surname doesn't have to be default. The women who usually ask questions that warrant the "don't give dad's surname" advice are usually in abusive/unstable relationships. Having both surnames is the smart thing to do imo so that she shares a surname with the child.

My exh is resident parent. I am confident he is a great dad, apart from successfully alienating me from our dd's life.

There are crap dads out there, who to be honest probably weren’t the best before divorce. My exH although works abroad, uses all his leave for time/holidays with our DD and she regularly flies out to him; he covers all costs. He has never missed a maintenance payment and increase it without me asking, if anything like school trips etc are needed he covers these, he might not have been a great DH but he is a fantastic dad. Our priority was always our DD and the best for her, our differences are irrelevant, we are parents and always do the best we can.

My ex is a great Dad, very involved and supportive, and always has been. A few years after we split though, he had another child with someone else, who would tell a very different story and say that the same man was an awful dad. But that's because she moved away, as well as other things that made it very difficult for him to see his youngest child, and is a bitter, twisted and spiteful woman. U

My older 3 DDs are with XH. When we split up i left the family home with them. He made me promise to stay in the locality and that he wanted 50/50 shared time with them. They were all old enough to have a mobile phone each and i didn't stand in the way of them having any contact with him.

The 50/50 lasted one week. Within a month he wasn't seeing them once a week regularly and within 6 months he wasn't seeing them more than once a month. He fought me over maintenance and refused to buy birthday and xmas presents for them for the first 2 years.

Within 3 years he was barely seeing them at all.

12 years on he is merely an after thought to them. It's all he deserves.

My ex is very involved. His work takes him all over the country but he has DS whenever he can on days off. We don't have 50/50 as neither of us think it is in DS's best interests. So I work PT school hours and as exh earns good money he helps out a lot financially so we don't struggle.

We get on well and I get on well with his long term partner. She's a high flier, no kids of her own and doesn't want any but she treats DS very well.

Its nice to see some positivity i must admit. Alothough i do agree every situation is different and you can only do whats best suited to your own children.

We have managed to avoid courts etc and keep everything mutual which is very refreshing. Xx

My ex split with me when I was pregnant, he wouldn't mention the pregnancy but insisted on keeping contact. I thought he was just in shock. I put his last name as my DDs middle name. When she was born he wanted to see her, he now lives in another country, so I took her 3 times as he was unable to travel apparently. He spent time with her, bought her gifts etc. Last time she and I saw him was October. She was 6 months old. He was texting and calling everyday and then suddenly it stopped. He's never paid a penny for her, only the gifts he's bought which were just some clothes and shoes. I've text him, he reads my messages and doesn't answer. So in answer to your question, my ex isn't involved at all.

My kids dad only wanted contact after splitting so he could get a house, his words. Once he got a house he lost all interest in his kids. Him and his gf physically and mentally abused them. Courts refused to help me protect them and I had to wait until both kids refused all contact, which they eventually did. He hasn't paid a penny towards them since they were 11 and 12. They are now 19 and 20 and amazing young adults. Sometimes it's best for kids if the dad has no involvement.